Live according to my thoughts, values, and opinions. Do not carelessly mimic disagreeable traits of others with whom I have frequent contact (e.g. parents, suburbia). There are enough monsters around me without me becoming one too.
My parents do a lot of things that I don’t like. Much to my dismay, however, I often find myself doing and saying things that they do and say, things of which I consciously disapprove, and that do not reflect my own opinions and values.
Case in point: I like to consider myself a cautious optimist, while my mother frequently refers to the worst possible scenario as if it were an inevitable conclusion (which often becomes a self-fulfilled prophecy).Unfortunately, given my horrible tendency toward mindless imitation, her negativity tends to slip out of my mouth. This is utterly unacceptable.
My parents are not the only ones whose bad habits I adopt when I’m not paying attention, though they are the key culprits.
I need to act more sentiently.
I need to pay attention to what I’m doing.
I need to stop being so sensitive to disapproval. I need to mean it when I decide not to give a shit about what you think.
I need to be brave enough and vigilant enough not to emulate things that disgust me.
I need to be specifically vigilant against:
-Passive-aggressive guilt mongering/ affected, self-indulgent martyrdom
-Insinuated disapproval of those who do not conform to rigid gender expectations
-Unwarranted pessimism/ dour-casting
-Blaming others when it’s not their fault
-Engaging in irrational, paranoid hygienic rituals and resenting those who don’t
-Generalizing arrogantly/ stereotyping without disclaimers
-Letting parental disapproval get to me when I disagree with their rationale (or lack thereof) for it, and allowing this to spoil what I would otherwise enjoy
-Obsessing over aesthetics and physical appearance
-Disregard for aesthetics and physical appearance
-Sexual conservatism/ acting embarrassed about having had sex (I’m glad I did and I’d do it again, and it’s nothing to fucking be ashamed of)
