not be so devastated over the death of Heath Ledger

i am currently doing a painting of heath and myself
kissing

its not really meant to be personal
because i never really always dreamed about kissing heath: just because i love the way a man and a woman just. ARE. together

the fact of man and woman to me = perfect

so the painting will say the word

perfect on it

its almost done i did most of it in a night
while watching the patriot and candy
♥

it really hurts me a lot that such talent could be lost like that.. it is always the best who go young, but it could have been anyone

it just doesnt feel right.

When he died I sort of tried to put it behind me immediately. I was hurt, but I didn’t really come to grips with it or let out much emotion about it. I remember just not wanting to deal with it… if I don’t deal with it, it didn’t happen.

Of course I went to see the Dark Knight - Batman is one of my favorite comics - and seeing him do better in a film than I had ever seen before just made me miss him…

Now I’ve seen the Dark Knight 4 times, I google him constantly, somehow thinking that something new will pop up. I watch all his old movies over and over and just cry.

It’s like it’s finally hitting me that he’s really not here anymore and I can’t stand it.

Somehow I’ve got to come to a happy medium where I can listen to certain songs again without bawling like a baby over him.

Miss him.

xoxox

a really good friend at work died and the funniest guy i’ve ever known, it’s horrible but i’m not thinking of heath ledger anymore because of this loss of someone i know well and had such a good laugh with.

Um… ok. You got it.

I watched Casanova last night. It was a brilliant movie and Heath Ledger was gorgeous and funny in it. I think I know someone who will like it alot. The movie was finished at 2.30am and I had dreams about him and pictues I had to pick of him. I didn’t get up till really late because i couldn’t shake the dreams. I woke up a few times but kept falling back asleep and dreamt again.

Me and my friends all time favourite movie is 10 things i hate about you. We can quote the entire movie off by heart, i’m not kidding. We’d watch the movie together and say all of the lines. My dvd of 10things broke from playing it so much. Heath was amazing in it. We’d often pause the movie on his face and just stare and say “wow”, “what wouldn’t you do to that man?”. I think if we did that now it would be wrong and that makes me feel awful. It was the exact same story with a knights tale.

sometimes we would look up pictures of him and just be nearly drooling, and just say “zoom… closer..”

Heath was so beautiful and talented, how can he be dead?

when i first found out, it didn’t seem real. I remember i got a few messages on my phone, because my friends knew i loved him, one said did you hear what happened to heath ledger? and the others said he had died. there must have been a mistake. I immediatly typed his name in google and breaking news about his death came up. everything froze i just felt blank. It wasn’t real, somebody had just made up the whole thing. but more messages kept coming on my phone but i just couldn’t beleive it. I kept checking the internet for more news. later i kept looking at pictures on google, it felt wrong that all the pictures had the word death underneath.

Getting better. I realized that his death wasn’t so much of a “I’M GOING TO DIE BECAUSE I HAD HIS POSTER ON THE CEILING OF MY BEDROOM!” sort of sad, but a, “I can’t believe he died. He was 28, barely a comtemporary to myself at 18. I’ll miss his work, he was brilliant.”

Sadly, because of his death, I’ll take my goals to live more freely much more seriously now, instead of just thinking of doing them.

I’ll miss you Heath Ledger. But look out for me, I’ll be praying to you soon.:)

I never had a huge crush or thing for Ledger but this HURT SO MUCH. He was truly someone unique. Not obsessed with having his photos in the paper or dating every actress. He was just himself. Something both bold and timid, a man whose death we just can’t help but be devastated by, even if we never meet him once.