Mystery Goal

First an explanation to this goal:

Awhile ago, I had personal challenge goal of doing some art work for Caitlyn, but I wasn’t able to complete it in time, so “the alternate goal” then became select a fellow 43T’er and write on a topic that they request.

Now, the reason you see that SG is also signed on to this goal, is that I selected her to choose the topic.

The topic that the Shimmering one chose was for me to write about The Most Life-Altering or Life-Changing Experience I’ve Ever Had.

The thing is that there are a few things that come to mind. Some more altering or changing than others. Here are a few that come to mind:

The Death of My Father-My Dad died when I was only 26. That was about 16 years ago, but I still think of him at least once every day. His death changed the dynamics of things. He was a wonderful, kind, loving Father, and fairly open-minded, but there were a few things that he had some rather strong opinions about. It seems that it wasn’t until a few years after his death that I began to become a bit more assertive about things. I sometimes wonder how long that would have taken if he had lived longer. I remember one thing that he had an issue with at times was my hair (which he often thought was to long.) He would sometimes say, “Get-A-Hair-Cut!” , or “When or you going to get a hair cut?”; and then I’d answer “Sometime”, and he would say “When?”. And other times he’d say, “Your Mother doesn’t like when I tell you this but…..When are you going to get a hair cut?” So, I’d let it go for awhile, but I’d eventually get a hair cut that he’d approve of. There was one time though when he gave me money to get a hair cut with and I rebelled and spent the money on myself and did my own haircut. The haircut didn’t turn out that well, so I wound up getting a “Dad approved” hair cut anyway. That whole thing didn’t sit to well with him. A few years after he died I had a short pony tail for awhile. Some years later my hair was still pretty long but not pony tail length, and my Mom to my surprise sent me some money to get my hair cut, and I sent it back to her with a not saying I would get it cut when I wanted to, and that I would pay for it myself. We had a good talk about it, and she hasn’t mentioned my hair since. But, I remember a lot of other things about him. A lot of nice times that we had. All of the “pal” stuff. Sometimes I wonder what conversations we’d have if he were still alive.

Paradise Lakes-This was a clothing-optional resort just outside of Tampa,Florida. I went there in 1999. I was 33 at the time. This was the first trip I ever took anywhere by myself (and to date continues to be the only one.) It was a real eye-opener (and no I don’t just mean the obvious.) but it was an eye-opener in terms of the whole learning process in life when it comes to people and their diversity. There were people there from all over the world. And despite what my internet persona may suggest, there are times when I can be a bit of a loner, and a bit more quiet and reserved in real life. So this situation was a real challenge and quite a breakthrough for me. Being naked in front of a whole bunch of people wasn’t really as big of a challenge to me as joining in on conversations, and striking up conversations on my own. But it was necessary to do both for the enjoyment of the vacation. So it was quite an experience of trying to overcome some social phobias. I had a wonderful time there. That was one time in my life where I had more freedom then I had ever had before. There were times before this when I wondered if I’d ever get to do anything like that.

Alzheimer’s Disease-I have an Aunt and a Grandmother who both died from this disease. I’ve gotten myself involved with this cause and have raised thousand of dollars for it by participating in “The Memory Walk”. A few times I went door-to-door collecting for it, and I actually saw different types of people, who were all generous enough to give. I’ve never really had much money, and I haven’t always had the best living situations, but I’ve found that the more you give, the more you are rewarded. I can’t complain too much about my lot in life, because there will always be someone “worse off” than me. If we can make their days a bit brighter, then we’ve done something good.

Palm Springs- In 2005, Charmaine and I went to Palm Springs,California. That was really amazing. It’s like a whole other planet compared to Rhinelander,Wisconsin. I had never been anywhere before that had so much available in one place. So, I like to be able to try different things and discover things about myself through that process. The tours that we took of The Joshua Tree National Park on that trip were truly amazing too. We saw a desert and its oasis. I enjoy travel, it reinforces the idea that there is more to life then what you see with your two eyes.

Mazo Beach-This is a clothing-optional beach located in Mazomanie,Wisconsin. Charmaine and I went there for the first time in July of 2003, and have been back every year since then. This was another one of those things were I had wondered if I’d ever get to do something like this. I had thought for a long time prior to that, that I’d like to go with a woman to a nude beach, but it was just more of a dream before that, and something at times I doubted would ever happen. One of the things where afterwards I’m thinking, “Wow!, I really did that??” But sometimes now it will be her that broaches the subject of taking another trip there. It’s a whole different atmosphere then that of a regular beach. And not just because of the nudity, but because the regulars with their friendliness, kindness, and nice auras about them make a great place. This has had a profound effect on me that is hard to explain, unless you’ve experienced it for yourself. It’s a great feeling of being at one with nature. And in someways, at the end of the day, a lot of it is about being yourself, and being comfortable with you and who you are. Very therapeutic in that way.

UU Sermons- The Unitarian Universalist fellowship that I belong to frequently had lay led services. I have done a few of these myself. The more I’ve done, the more comfortable I’ve gotten with public speaking. And the first ones I wrote I found that I edited a lot more than the last ones, as I “got the hang of it” more. Or maybe it was just that I began to feel a little more comfortable with my own words. The first few sermons I wrote, I used to worry a lot more about what other people might think of what I had to say, and thus “toned down” a lot more. I certainly don’t disregard the feelings of others, but I just don’t get as “hung up” on it, I guess you could say. And that was quite a learning process. I still think of the advice that a fellow congregant told me before I wrote my sermon, “Don’t worry about what other people think, if you believe in it, that’s good enough!”

Pen-Pals- I used to have a lot of pen-pals, and I had a lot of fun with that. That was before e-mail and The Internet caught on. I never met any of them in person, but I talked with some of them on the phone, and exchanged gifts with some of them. I had a few that I exchanged tape recorded messages with too. These were some moments in my life that woke me up to all the wonderful diversity that people have to offer as well. I used to (and well, really still do sometimes.) write things and later on think. “Oh, please, please let that be okay!”. I don’t get those feelings quite as much, but they do come about from time-to-time. Especially when it’s someone I really care about. I sometimes see parallels between the pen-pal thing and 43 Things.

The Fenlon- The Fenlon was a hotel in Rhinelander, right near the geographic center of this town. In it’s heyday it was a happening place, where gangsters and prostitutes hung out. Al Capone stayed there at times. There very well may have been a higher crime rate in Rhinelander in the 20’s and 30’s ,then there is now. And Dillinger and his gang were just an hour drive away, but I digress…. Yes, yours truly lived there for 2 years too. The Fenlon, Rhinelander’s answer to the ghetto. 2 years of dire poverty and weirdness. So, I do know what that is like. But there were a couple of other people living there that were fun to hang with, so it wasn’t all bad. But the silver lining to that cloud was that it shaped who I am today. Made me more aware, and I actually have to be somewhat grateful for that.

Mental Health Consumer-My life as a mental health consumer has had its ups and downs, but hasn’t been a bumpy ride all the time. If it were not for that, I wouldn’t have met some of the fascinating people that I have. I would not have had moments of empowerment. And perhaps, I would not have become an advocate for other mental health consumers.

43 Things-And of course there have been many lessons in life that I’ve learned from this place.

But the number one thing that has had the most influence on my life is…..........

My relationship with Charmaine- Before meeting her, it was a big goal of mine to meet someone and either marry them or live with them. At times in my life that was the one big hope that kept me going, even though I used to doubt at other times that it ever would. I did have a couple of relationships before meeting her that lasted a significant amount of time, but all-in-all, I really didn’t date very many women. In High School I was the geek that stuffed “love letters” in girl’s lockers, and once in awhile would call them on the phone, but was always to shy to ask them out. We’ve been living together since December of 2003. Before that, I had been a single bachelor guy for eons. I still throw my clothes on the floor, and leave empty soda cans lying around sometimes. But she loves enough to put up with stuff like that. :-)

THANK YOU SG, FOR ASKING ME TO WRITE THIS!