Although I can site several reasons for feeling so crappy, I think one that I didn’t even realize was an issue that mattered so much, was the feeling that I was taken for granted. As a daycare provider, I care for several people and their families every day. I am exteremely tired at the end of the day having to watch an infant, a toddler, and autistic 2 year old, four 3 year olds, two kindergarteners, two first graders and a third grader…..ugh! I love my job, though. I get extreme satisfaction out of helping people. But I do need to be taken care of too. And when I get to 5:30 and I have nothing left to give my 3 kids and husband…I feel resentful that I have to even do this job in the first place. And that makes me feel so screwed! I would gladly take a lighter load of kids, but my husband doesn’t make enough money for me to do that, and has yet to even try to find a job that pays better. He always says he will, and feels bad for me, but he never looks for one, and it makes me very angry!!
But last week, I was told by the two therapists that see the autisic boy that they think I am a saint and can’t believe what a great job I do. And then, the little boy’s dad said he stayed awake from 1 – 4 a,m, the night before trying to think of ways to make my job easier for me. (Someone actually lost sleep trying to hlep me!! I felt giddy for the rest of the week on that one). To feel appreciated, really makes a difference. Sometimes people don’t know how far a good word can go.
I just want to be able to have a good relationship with my kids. Right now I think it is suffering because I am not emotionally there for them. I just don’t have the juice. I feel all dried up. And it makes me mad that my husband can be the good time Charlie all the time and I can’t because he doesn’t have the stresses that I do. I always want to leave here if I have any energy at all at the end of the day. I get sick of looking at the same 4 walls all the time. It’s like prison. And he travels 45 min one way to work, so of couse he just wants to stay here and rest up. It’s very frustrating.
What’s more, my own kids resent me for working so much! They think I have a choice. Why can’t they resent their father for making me do it by not even trying to get a better job. I make more money than he does….and he has the college education!
If someone has an answer for my issues, please let me know. 6 years ago