Be in my sweet spot

I found out this week that I live in the future, but not in the present.

Someone brought up the fact that many people are identified with money. I immediately shrugged this off because it didn’t apply to me and I quickly threw the thought away. When I got home, this thought was sitting on my sofa patiently waiting for me to come around. Aside from groceries, I rarely shop unless I have to, so I thought that exempted me from the materialistic category. But not really. I very much identify with money, or more so, with the lack of money.

There’s a steady feeling that there’s not enough, and I’m always thinking that when I’m financially independent then I can do all the things that I want, then I can be free.

Then I can be happy. But not now.

This attachment to thinking that I don’t have enough works for me because it defers my happiness, it lets me off the hook from enjoying my life right now as it is. This means that I’ve been constantly living in the future waiting for that great life to begin. And if I keep thinking this way, I’ll be waiting forever.

I’m going to let those ideas go. I’m opening my window so that all those daydreams of a splendid, carefree life when my finances are perfect can fly away. Goodbye.

Letting go, physically and mentally, is the sweetest feeling ever. It’s so odd for me to be in this soft, gentle place, when I’ve spent most of my life hammering away at things, thinking that’s the way to make things happen. And now here’s this gentle wave that’s showing me the opposite is the best thing for me. How odd.