make some real friends

I have made one real friend, and it was by accident, but I love her with all my heart

I am not going to say I only have fake friends, but I don’t feel that I am ready to say that I have made some real friends. I thought that I had, but then I realized that I wasn’t sure what I wanted in the relationship. I am not ready to commit.

Now that I am away I fell as if I am becoming closer to the friends I left behind, maybe they were real friends all along. I still talk to them, and I miss them. Maybe they weren’t just convenient. Maybe being away has brought me closer to them. I don’t know everything that is happening in their lives, but I do know them better.

So I am starting to form a network of kind of friends here. I tend to hang out with the same people. I don’t really consider them friends yet. I feel sometimes like I am not a person to have friends. The only reason I hang out with people is to not be lonely. Then I think about my friends back home and how much I miss them, and how much I love them. I’m still not sure if they were real friends or if I just used them so I wouldn’t be alone. I am a very needy person, I need attention. I hate eating alone, and feeling friendless. I still feel like, they are not my friends yet, just who every I can find who can stand me. I don’t like the feeling. I am making myself a little depressed now. I am going to try to be more honest with people and connect as friends not as I need someone so I won’t look like an outcast.