be more understanding

I haven’t wrote any entry’s about this, but I’ve been constantly trying and doing. My husband and I have had our rocky roads, and I’m wasn’t very understanding with him. But after looking at what I do sometimes, and how he is understanding with me, and doesn’t get mad at me, I think I can do the same for him too. When we talk, and get it out in communication, it helps.

i’m amazed at how easy this was, and how naturally it comes. i’ve always tried to be compassionate and treat others the way i’d like to be treated, but i can definitely rock the passive-aggressive nastiness when someone has done something that offends my sense of right and wrong.

after an especially hellish week at work, i made a vow to be more understanding of others and not jump to the obvious, negative conclusions. and…. really, the benefits of this are just wonderful. and the good karma really helps, too, as i’ve found that people are MUCH more understanding when i fall a little short or drop the ball. this is definitely one of the better self-improvements i’ve made, and i definitely owe a bit of this victory to my fiance.

Someone in my family recently went thru surgery to remove an ovary and fallopian tube that were covered in endometriosis.

I tend to be more reserved and positive in these situations, feeling that as the surgery is required and her doctor is a good one, that I might as well be upbeat and not worry unless they tell me something’s gone horribly wrong.

Another family member, on the other hand is a worry-wart. What there isn’t there to worry about, she’ll come up with, then impotently worry that do death while there’s nothing she can do.

Well the surgery is over, and the patient is recovering well, but also seems to be one of the perpetual glass-half-empty type. If you pointed out the silver lining, she’d point out how often it will need to be shined in order not to corrode, and that we don’t have a stepladder that high nor the polishing compound.

I understand that it was very scary being diagnosed and cut open, but all she is is doom and gloom about her future. She thinks that her health has always been bad. (She’s had a little bad luck, yes, but I don’t see that as a predictor for the rest of her life.) And she seems to think she’s heading toward all the worst life and health have to offer. I tried to be supportive and told her that she needed to start looking at things a little more positively just in the light that that alone helps your health, but when she started droning on and on about these imagined horrible things somewhere out there in her future, I just stopped listening and went into automatic grunt-mode.

I can take and even soothe a little “pity me”. I mean yes, it was scary and there may be some left over fear hanging around. That and everyone needs a little soothing every so often. But to go on and on then confabulate for future events just to make yourself that more miserable and scared? I just can’d hold with it, and that’s when I shut off. If someone wants to tell me how they feel, talk to me, just cry on my shoulder, that’s fine, but eventually I want to know that someday they’re going to pull themselves back up, put on a brave face and move forward positively. This glass-half full poor-me I’m-always-going-to-be-a-victim mentality makes me nuts!

Either way, I feel I’m still handling it wrong. Maybe there is some advice out there?

Overall, I’m a pretty understanding person. With friends and strangers I always give the benefit of the doubt and cut them a little slack, however, I’ve found I’m not so forgiving with people I know but don’t like, so being more understanding of these folks is now my new focus in this area. I think it might be a tough one.

I think all of the trials I went through last year really helped me be more understanding. Going through the dark night of the soul type experience helped me be more sensitive to other people and their ability to handle things.

I was told by a co-worker, a little less than a year ago, that I have this “abrasive” personality. I am sure that can be interpreted a couple different ways, but either way, I find it a little disturbing. I mean, I am what I am, I don’t put up with bull shit, I am a bit of a smart ass, and I refuse to be walked all over. But on the other hand, I don’t want people to think that I am uncompassionate, or unfeeling. I do have a heart; I cry when animals die or get hurt on TV, I cry every time that certain song comes on the radio, I am genuinely happy when I’m with my hubby and my family. I do care about people’s feelings, and never want to hurt them. I am just not sure how to take the comment.

I’m not gonna lie…this one was a toughie. It pretty much humbled me more than I would like to admit. It hasn’t made me more sympathetic per se, however, I do think more than I speak because I try to imagine how another individual feels and what they are thinking. Special thanks to my bf, the Shin Buddhist Faith Fellowship, and Atticus Finch for helping me out with this one. : )

should i be pissed off that this is the second year in a row that my boyfriend gave me nothing for my birthday….hmmmm….i think consensus is YES and the fact that i had to see the ugly ass bitch of a girl that “reminds” him of me that he cheated on me with…..great.

I have had a lot of trouble with being more tolerant when it comes to my family. I don’t know what it is, that I can’t seem to put up with their little shortcomings and quirky little ways. But when it comes to friends and lovers, I have become so much better. My b/f for instance, has been a blessing to me. I have learned so much from him, because he is very consistent in his behaviour and I have learned to understand that when he does something that really, really annoys me, it is something that comes from a place deep inside him that he can’t easily change, and shouldn’t really. I love him just the way he is, with all of his little ways. I would never want him to change. It is part of who he is. So, I’ve realized that I am the one who needs to change, adapt and grow. If I could only apply that understanding and tolerance to my child (although I am much more tolerant with my child than anyone else in the family – according to my family WAY too tolerant, actually, but I think they’re talking about something else), my parents, my brother. Boy, that would be awesome!

I like to think I am a giving person and, to an extent, I am. I am, however, also a little spoiled and being spoiled tends to make me a little demanding.

he called me today and told me that he forgot he has open house tonight from 6 – 8. Well, we had plans and so that kind of hacked me off a little bit and now that we are off the phone and I am over my pouting fit, well… I feel horrible.

He treats me so well. I don’t want to treat him badly.