post letters here that i would never send

i’m so terrified of what we’re doing.

i don’t like how you compare me to her…i mean, obviously you’re going to do it. i do it, too…but can’t you just keep it to yourself ? i’m not going to be like her…in many ways. if you really think about it, that’s a pretty good thing. when you do that, it makes me feel like you had more fun with her than you’re having with me. you wanted to know why i’m so self conscious and nervous around you ? that’s it.

i hate how you ignore me unless it’s just the two of us. it makes me so self conscious. are you ashamed of me ? is there something wrong with me ? i don’t understand. i’m so confused.

i’m crazy about you. you have to know that. i’ve liked you for forever. you’re my best friend. i want this to work so badly. but i can’t help being paranoid that you’re going to back out on me…i’m scared you’re messing with me…and i think a lot of that is because i feel so pressured, even when we’re not dating. if you expect this much out of me…i’m worried that you’re just doing it to see if you can. i hate myself for thinking like that because you’re a good person, and i can’t see you doing that to anyone. but i can’t help it. i wish you’d reassure me somehow.

i’m so scared to tell you this stuff because i’m afraid that you’ll think i’m an idiot if i do. i’m scared that you’ll just say, “wtf,” and think that i’m not worth it.
but another part of me can’t see you doing that to me. you wouldn’t.

^{good heavens, i need to get some sleep…}

Simple as that for your simple ass.

I like you. And I really shouldn’t. This is bad.

your full of conflicts!
I wouldn’t lie to me self and be a hypocrite just to look cool. and your lack of confidence is awful..

seriously, you only remember a friend when you’re in need?
yeah right

I was thinking of you today! you were my colour green..
you do fine wherever you are, are you happy though?
it feels comfortable, you know. no matter how far away you are now or how long you’re going to be there. Even if you didn’t speak to me. I know that you’ll never change, not to me.
if you can just see my face now, haha it’s terrible!! you’re going to love it !!

You know I worry too much about you, and I love the offs’ that you leave me every now and then..

Be fine Y, I love you so much

What is it with you lot….?? You’re fing incapable of ANY emotion? I dont know why i still put myself in the postiton of seeking it from you…. something? ANYTHING????? You ALL hurt me. The sad thing is M, I didnt expect it from you. You’re the straight talking one… but i guess you’re not allowed to talk to me, or dont want to get involved, or maybe your nice-ness and kind-ess to me for al that time was all fake.

F the lot of you. I’m not sure how much more rejection I can take. I know it’s my fault that I put myself in the firing line, but you lot are so good at aiming.

I know that you hate me, and I know that you want me to cease to live and everything. I don’t understand you sometimes, and the things that you do are so extreme, and ridiculous. I don’t get why you lie, or steal. I don’t get why you do certain things that just aren’t normal. But, I must say to you that I now understand why you acted the way you did. I understand it precisely. You can laugh it up all you want, or call it karma, but I went through the same exact (to the T) thing that we went through, but with the roles reversed. I just wanted to say that I get it now, I really do. I get why you acted paranoid. I get why you got possessive. I get why you wanted me to not text while around you anymore, and to text you more while around them. I GET IT! I have tears in my eyes while writing this, because I understand how frustrating it is, and I just can’t believe that I did these things to someone else. It’s a shitty feeling to see every wrong that you did to someone else done to you. and every time it happens I just sit there and think, “wow, this is the way he felt”, and then I react in a way that you would have reacted! This letter is an apology to those things. I didn’t realize how those things affected you, and I didn’t take the time to put myself in your shoes,
Me

You thought I was blowing off steam in your face?!
No, it was just telling you the truth straight to your face, becuase you got overwhelming and you were dragging on ther girls to your track. IT IS NOT acceptable

I’m sorry you feel that way, but i’m not sorry for what I said.
and blowing off steam does not work that way kocholo

I’m on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain’t always gonna be gold. I’ll be fine once I get it, I’ll be good.

how fast things can change. I still don’t know how much I can trust you, but I’m at least a step forward from where I used to be. Thank god.