Let go of 'him"

we were inseparable, and then he found someone new. he told me she was and never would be as good as me. yet, now he won’t speak to me even as my friend. first and foremost, we were always friends. i need to stop caring about our friendship because he’s obviously let it go already.

I want to let him go and out of my life..he is holding me back and I need to stop being an enabler and answer him when he is lonely and down.

I just dont know what to do anymore.

I am not as sad today as I was the last 4 days. Well I am not fooling myself that it will be THAT easy, but if I find a way to keep may sadness at this level (or lower) would be great. Any suggestions? on how to do it I mean… :)

1. I will not expect anything anymore, so he won’t be able to hurt me again (not that he wanted to do it, it just happend, none of us was able to prevent it)
2. I will lose weight – this is for sure. Knowing myself I will forget where the refrigerator is. And this means – I’ll have almost perfect body and will feel good about myself in the summer
3. When I heal I will be stronger
4. I will be able to focus on important things like work, and Vicky (I put her second, because it is hard anyway not to focus on her)
5. I can’t come up with more good things, so if you, guys, have ideas, please share it with me

Apperantly I failed on this one. :( Ha. Stupid me. And now it is finally over. No more seeing each other for whatever reasons. He let go of me. And I hurt so much again. I knew this day would come. I did not expect to be so painful. Well, nothing more I can do about it. And I have to just give it time. To heal. I guess. The whole thing lasted exactly 1 year. Half was good and half was terrible. Just terrible. and painful. And here I am again, feeling so alone, and down, and crying, because I just cannot not cry. I don’t want to but somehow I manage to produce tons of tears. The worst thing, Vicky’s father is about to show up any moment now and 1st I don’t want to see him. 2nd I have no idea how am I going to pull myself together for the one hour he’s going to spend here and force myself not to cry. F*
I immediately lost interest in everything. I just want to sit and stare at the wall, or ceiling, or the floor, or nothing in particular.

:)
finally
yesterday
it just happened fast. Not really sure how it worked, but I don’t feel it. I don’t miss him. I don’t really care if I see him again. Either way would be fine. From a very special person he is now in the category – friends with benefits. Which means I no longer have a problem if I don’t see him exclusively. I feel free, and calm, and free, peaceful.. inside. And some kind of joyful – it is a quiet joy, so quiet I almost missed its presence. I don’t feel like I am not good enough anymore. I am good. I deserve respect and I deserve to be loved. I don’t need to love someone who does not care about my feelings. And I don’t want to. So I will not. I can now focus on my daughter, on my work, on myself. My own needs and desires. It is time to get a break from all the stress and just allow myself to be selfish and finally put myself on the first place. So i can take better care of everything else. Not just live like half a person waiting for something to change. I changed it – yesterday! I did – Thank you revengeofnudefreedom, for being such a good friend, and to hug me when I needed it the most. Thank you for helping my peace stay inside of me. Thank you for not letting me fall apart once again. Thank you for the love. Thank you for being you.
I just realized…. I AM HAPPY AGAIN. I AM. I REALLY AM
I hope to stay this way and I hope I won;t have to reopen this goal.

I must

they say that time heals all wounds, though when does that time begin and how does it end?

We used to be best friends. He got engaged, but they broke off the engagement. He asked me out. I’m not sure what happened, but now we haven’t talked in months. Even though it hurts, I have to let him go.