manage my depression

I think I am going to talk to my therapist about antidepressant medication. Things have been so overwhelming and the mountain seems so high that I’m fine with anything that will make the slope a little more shallow going, for now.

I went to my therapist the other day and was talking to her about how nothing’s really going wrong right now, which is great, but how I feel like in general my “emotional immune system” (as it were) is a little weak—when something bad comes up I have trouble coping with it until it is past. I would like to work on things that make me better able to cope before whatever-the-tragedy-is comes up. A toolbox, as it were.

She really liked the analogy of the toolbox and said she was going to use it in subsequent sessions with other people. As for the actual tools of the toolbox, she suggested starting with ideas for stress reduction and relaxation. I felt a little bit cynical when she said this – I don’t need bubble baths, I need my cognitive viewpoint altered, lady – but after mulling it over a little bit I think she’s got a point. There’s nothing wrong with going after the low-hanging fruit before / or while simultaneously pinpointing where in my perceptions and assumptions I’m overblowing the negative and downplaying the positive. Even if it’s an indirect way of dealing with the issue, I think it might help to make the negative seem a little less daunting and the positive a little more salient.

So: taking time for self, keeping up exercise, enough sleep, reading for fun, maybe getting back into yoga…

Dear self: Get enough sleep. There is a mind-body connection.

still doing pretty good. no real lasting depression anymore. i’m exercising and did a serious review of my life path and got some serious hard-work changes in place. change takes time and is exhausting work and each day shows progress.

I missed my psychiatrist appointment today, I’m so dumb. $20 I didn’t really need to spend on a missed appointment down the drain. :( But I did make myself schedule a new one.

I’m in the lowest valley that I’ve been in within the last 10 years. Anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. I didn’t have trouble with anxiety until this past winter when acute anxiety hit me like a freight train. My therapist and I dug down and found out it was from deep dissatisfaction and severe stress from my job. I’ve been doing it for 20 years and I am done with it. Of course during the worst time in history to job hunt!! I am taking it day by day right now, sometimes hour by hour.

So tonight there is a local depression support group meeting. I’ve never attended and never really saw myself in a group setting. I am scared that people there will be in great need of help. I want to go to a group to hear how other people are coping, what steps they are taking to manage their life. In short, I want the depression group to be positive! Ha!

Due to a serious lack of energy and difficulty focusing, I’m considering trying an anti-depressant again.

While I’d really love to go through therapy, my old therapist and I decided that it isn’t going to be beneficial until I settle down and can go see someone once a week for at least a year.

I was doing well managing things with daily exercise, so I’m going to try to incorporate cardio into my daily routine for the next couple of weeks. However, if this doesn’t make a difference, I’ll be making an appointment with a psychiatrist.

I WISH I SMILE A LOT!N COMPLAIN LESS

Had 2 therapy sessions today! One with a consultant trying to help me with work stresses and one with a therapist about my depression and anxiety. I feel good to be moving forward but all that talking stirred up a lot. My brain is full of swirling silt.