get my eating under control and lose weight my way

just eat less and do more.

so easy

so why can’t i do it?

just stop eating so much, just stop being so lazy.

for the time being i seem to have gained control. Nothing like an ex suddenly talking to you out of the blue and wanting to meet up, to make you not want to look fat. (Especially concidering last time he saw you, you were 25 ish pounds lighter!)

Sounds ridiculous, but having a tidy room helps keep my eating ok. i suppose it’s more the mindset than anything, if my environment is tidy, so is my mind.

i say tidy. Not quite – though in the process of being tidy.

x

i’m ill AND i’m on. it is really not a good mix.

well, i have been bingeing pretty much non stop, i can’t remember the last time i had SOME CONTROL!!!

anyway.

i’m having a bit of a sort out at the moment. i’m in the process of tidying my room, and i’m going to sort out my eating, my goals, my college work…

jaii

x

i have been doing absolute crap with this, i’m so weak willpower wise. plus my room has been soooo messy and i need to sort out my ‘todos’ / goals, both of which seem to make me feel its ‘ok’ to binge, as i feel disorganised and unready.

this goal includes:

• make strict rules and consequences

• write in my ED book why (unhealthy) food is gross
• write “tips” / ideas in my ED book
• write thinspo quotes
• write a descriptive piece about my ideal me (put it in my ED book and diary)

• make an ed, self harm, depression, ‘don’t know who I am’, lonely, knowledge, anger, discipline, magic and a peace bracelet
• make an ed doll and a craving voodoo doll

• get some thinspo to carry with me, also carry a bmi chart and goal rewards list
• get a list of non vegan stuff and carry it around

i had a goal named “live bread free” that i decided is the same thing as this goal, and as i don’t seem to be able to merge goals, i deleted it (it didn’t have any entries)

a quick definition of what this goal means:

• to stop bingeing and gain control of my diet, in order to lose weight
• to stop eating junk food and bread (a big ‘binge food’ for me)
• to be completely vegan
• to eat 80 percent raw
• i am also including drinking at least 2 litres of water a day in this goal, because it is all tied together

i’m in two minds whether i should change this goal to include exersize too, but i think that they just arent ‘tied in together’ enough, i can’t explain in words but basically i will keep them separate.

EDIT: i had a goal “be a better vegan and i’m adding that in to this goal too, but i can’t merge them so i just clicked ‘give up’ (it had entries on it).

jayitami x

i just tryed but i could not change the goals to this one, or edit the old entries. i’ll have to try again later. i just tryed to edit the post below but i think the button to save actualy just previewed, so i couldnt.

to combine all relevant goals (like lose weight, eat healthier) here.

goals i’m adding:

• live bread free for the next 3 days
• look good in a bikini
• have a flat stomach
• become bulimic
• eat healthier

some of those i am not proud of, but they happened nonetheless.

jaii

for say a week with a slipup or two.

but as soon as something in life changes my eating changes. i went to a sixthform interview two days ago. so i spent yesterday not swimming as i planned and eating instead.

now i feel sick. i actually thought i was going to be sick earlier. ^{and i have bad gas and yucky breath. ew.}

i am going swimming today with a freind ^{(im still in my pjs)(its 1pm)} i dont feel like eating, i never do for a while when i let myself get this bad ^{though ive never felt this sick before =[}

• sort out a food / calorie / weight / measurement / exersize book,
• buy a ringbinder for thinspo^{(ill have to wait till monday – 3 days – because i dont have any money till then)}

and i need to tody my room, i will do that after swimming. although its so messy i dont think it will be finishesd by tonight.

i just need to print it and actually follow it (the hard parts obviously over lol)

i think ill print off one big one to stick on my wall (must delete the colours and colour it in with pencil or it would waste so much ink!), a smaller folded one to carry in my bag and a really small one to put in my purse.

x jaiiy x