feel better

I’m not really sure what I meant to accomplish when I added this goal. All I know is that for the past year or so, I’ve been feeling…bad. I wish I had a more descriptive word, but “bad” sums everything up. I don’t think I’m depressed but my bad days definately outweigh my good days. I feel sick, tired, lonely, unaccomplished, and frustrated most of the time. I need some kind of spiritual intervention. Hmm…
(pic from http://media.photobucket.com/image/alone/petitebom/DSC05250.jpg?o=63)

lately I have been pretty down. Not quite depressed, but sure getting there. I feel off now, and I cannot seem to shake that feeling. I no longer feel like myself. I hate it. I want to be happy again, or at least okay.

i really want to do that because since u broke up with my ex my familly keeps bothering me out

now I feel a lot happier. I took lunch break, stopped brooding about my problems (which seemed catastrophically gigantic for some reason before, but now just seem like minor hiccups. I love max. I know he’s not perfect, I know I’m not perfect, but the way to be compatible forever is to try and get over quarrels and such.
All I had to do, I guess, was hang out with Kathryn and Laura and stress out about Life After College, and suddenly life once again seems like a hilariously pointless farce that I may as well just enjoy for what it’s worth and not get upset when minor things happen.

I love max. I’m not ticked off at him anymore, I know he tends to be overly dramatic but that sometimes makes me feel special and important and so isn’t such a big deal.
I am happier.

still miserable… I should try to channel this into something productive

and I wish I weren’t

*edited.

I have not felt normal since the year 2000. Doctors say I’m ok, tests reveal nothing. My body aches, my heart hurts and I don’t know why.

I will mark this as done for now. I feel better. I was really going through a hellish time for a while there, starting around my birthday. I just felt off and very anxious. A sense of pending doom. I do not have that over all feeling any more. I am more comfortable living in this part of LA even though it’s much more congested than what I am used to. I am going to mark this as done and I hope that I just start feeling better and better, I am off to a good start. Thanks for the cheers!

I am tired of focusing on what’s lacking in my life. I need to travel less, lose 20 lbs, eat better, spend more time with friends, and focus on all the many things that are going right! things are great at work, my family is amazing, and I am learning and teaching so much that I am reaching new levels of mental stimulation. I think focusing on what I am achieving, instead of chasing this myth of “balance” will make me feel better about life.