make a good transition into the next stage of my life

Well since my life seems to always be in somewhat of a period of transition, this goal would never actually be complete.

But, it’s complete in the sense that the major transition’s (namely two- mother and ex-boyfriend) that I have gone through in the past year have really changed my life, for the better.

I have done some real good soul searching, this time.

I have decided to not repeat past mistakes as I have done so often in the past.  I think, this time, that I have learned something valuable and I don't ever want to lose it.

I am moving forward with a big smile and a joyful hope for the future.

I am not only “back on track”, but have found a much better track than ever before.

Yea for me! For no, this goal is complete!

until the next major transition (haha!)

I think this goal is moving along nicely! I am working on me, ME! ME! And the funny thing is…. I like it! A LOT! I have no man, at this time- I want no man!

I am playing softball. I am decluttering my house. I am going to church, meeting people there, taking a couple of classes there, getting my (two youngest) involved like we all used to be

I am enrolled in college. Taking two of the last six classes before my (A.G.S.) degree.

I am learning what it is that I like to do and I am actually doing it and having FUN!!

Yea for me!!

be able to close this goal, after I finish prioritizing.

Truth is, while I do not feel like I’ve arrived anywhere “next stage-ish” I am in a new routine of sorts.

Hmmm.

There are “Three Rules of Life”..... If you’re a human being and breathing these rules apply to you.

Rule No.1: You live and die by your own choices. People and circumstances influence us. We can’t control that. But we do have control over our response to those people and circumstances.

Rule No. 2: You can choose smart or shoose stupid…. The smart list and stupid list have been predetermined for all of us by God’s Word.

Rule No. 3: There is always somebody or some circumstanmce whose job it is to make our life miserable when we choose stupid.

- He is the author of Losing Control & Liking It: How to Set Your Teen (and Yourself) Free.

I’m going to buy the book. It’s inexpensive. Thanks Gurl in the Curl!

I have learned some things. Keep it simple; declutter, finish uncompleted tasks. Journal and keep it about me and keep it positive kind of stuff.

But, this is the one that I ponder on and totally releives some stress on the whole “changing, growing, moving forward” kind of thing: progress NOT perfection. There are NO RULES on my journey AND I will NEVER get it perfect, it will NEVER be done, just keep moving forward.

According to this quiz, I am

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I’m aSelf-Knowing Spiritual Builder

I guess that’s good for making a transtion to the cancer-free, rest of my life. I’m making some changes (I hope) beyond just having to grow my damned hair back. More about this later :)

the ones who know me, who’ve known me forever, can sometimes really help.

I had lunch last week with such a friend, and talked things through. Figured out what I need to do, and I’ve already started the wheels turning. Worked this past weekend, and felt MUCH better. (I love my work, have I mentioned that?)

I’m going to be fine. Just a little rocky getting from studenthood to real life. To be expected.

I thought I was doing really well with this, working on the No-on-8 campaign via Progressive Jewish Alliance, and with my part time job at a synagogue…

and then the holiday season ended, I’m visiting only once a month for a while, and Prop 8 passed. Getting down to writing on a disciplined schedule between visits to the synagogue has been rocky, given some family stuff.

I feel underemployed and restless, blue, and cranky. Maybe it’s just the transition of seasons. Maybe it’s because I really AM underemployed. Dunno.

Time to pull up my socks and get on with work. I’ll feel better if I keep myself working.

I have a cold, not cancer. I am underemployed, not UNemployed. I have a roof that doesn’t leak and people who love me. I’ll be OK.

I’m terrified of the pheonomenon known as “chemo brain”
The loss of short term (and in some cases, longer term) memory

I can’t go to grad school if I can’t hold things in my brain, if I can’t memorize drugs, actions, classifications, reactions, indications, contraindications.

I’m not even sure I’ll be able to do the job I currently have, because I already have to do this as an ICU nurse, let alone learning NEW drugs for anesthesia.

So, I’ve started to try to help my stupid brain.
When I was 16, I read Shakespeare’s sonnet 116 and in three or four reads, memorized the whole thing. I still remember 90% of it to this day.

But now I’m trying to work on remembering another one, to go over it and over it until it’s in my brain (Sonnet 122)

I’ve been stuck on the first three lines for about a week.

Thy gift, thy tables are within my brain
full charactered, with lasting memory
and shall above that idle rank remain

and I just noticed I screwed up “which” with “and” but it’s been a week and it’s tough.

My husband is dusting off the chess board, too. In 20 years, I’ve beat him only once (the bastard.)

This is all in hopes of trying to keep my brain from being “lost.”

As a nurse, and as someone who has suffered PTSD, I think it’s possible that a lot of the memory loss reported by chemo patients could be trauma…the walking around the house, thinking about “things” that are going on, and listening to the internal voices that are scared and worried, that distract from what you are actually doing. Like…where the hell did I put my keys? That’s a short term memory deficit right there. So we’ll see what happens. I’ll report back and tell you how “together” my brain is.