eat well on a daily basis

Being poor is a good motivator for eating more healthfully. I’ve been making soups at home and eating them, and eating a lot of yogurt and fresh fruits and veggies. The thing right now is for me to not eat as much and as often as the steroids make me want to – they just make me hungry all the time! I do use diet soda to make my taste buds happy without adding calories, and I do drink water to help fill my stomach at times that I think I’m hungry but I don’t need more food. They might be dumb tricks, but they do sort of work for me.

Although I’ve really been careful about what I’m eating, and I’ve been better about getting some exercise in each day, my weight isn’t going anywhere. I feel mad at myself because I hate failing at anything. I feel mad at myself because I worry (stupidly, I know) that the doctor who asked me to lose weight won’t be happy enough with my progress. And I feel mad at myself because of the eternal problem of trying to like and accept yourself just the way you are while also trying to lose weight is TOTALLY CONTRADICTORY. Sigh. I’m hanging in there, though, and I keep trying new ideas for exercise.

I still have some bad days, believe me. But I’ve got myself in an exercise mindset, so I’ll start doing that every day. Finally. And I made myself a list of rewards I can give myself that I don’t have to feel guilty about:

*Fancy lotions or bath products (I have a TON of these)
*Chocolate-flavored yogurt (Which I really like – way better for me than candy)
*A facial mask or an eyebrow wax
*Manicure or pedicure
*A new CD (I’ve got my eye on We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things
*Wearing a new sweater (I bought a bunch the other day, and will put them away to get them out one at a time)
*Sugar-free jelly beans (Not exactly good for me, but way better than the ‘real’ ones)
*Burning my designer candles (I have a bunch of these, too)
*New jewelry (my friend makes it, and I love it – http://www.merpette.com)

I wish I could say I’m doing well and sticking to my plan. But I’m not. I cheat every day! I’m mad at myself, and I feel plenty guilty … but I need to work harder to dig up some willpower. Sigh. I’m very frustrated with myself.

Just ate a bunch of candy! I’ve got to toss it and keep it out of the house. Having it around is just too much temptation.

Nutrisystem food has arrived and some of it looks quite questionable. I imagine I’ll get into the groove pretty quickly, though. The hard part will be not cheating, LIKE I JUST DID TODAY with the candy. Sigh.

Signed up for Nutrisystem over the weekend and ordered a month’s worth of their “food”. I’m skeptical at best, but I also know that the kind of weight loss my doctor wants out of me is best accomplished by one of these crazy diet plans, and I know that the best way for me to stick to a plan is to eat nothing but their sanctioned stuff. We’ll see when it gets here. Not looking forward to this AT ALL.

Changed this goal significantly, on doctor’s orders. =)

I went to the grocery store last night, and bought all kinds of healthy stuff I love, like berries and yogurt, hummus and pita, and whole wheat bread. I just ate the hummus and multi-grain pita for lunch – yum! I used to eat hummus and pita all the time; I should get back into that. The berries are wonderful, too. Now when I want a treat, not only is it not in the house, but there’s a healthy alternative.

... since my doctor gave me a talking-to about me “having many pounds to lose”. Like I didn’t know? He’s right, though, I really should be working harder on it. Here goes! Had salmon for lunch for some yummy omega-3s, and ate about half the portion the restaurant brought. I wasn’t hungry, and I felt good about being active on this goal right away.

I wouldn’t like to have to move this to “given up” ... but I really do. Not only am I not eating well on a daily basis, I’m not really eating well at all. I don’t want to completely give myself a green light on not keeping my eating habits strictly in line and totally healthy, but I have relaxed my standards so that I can have a treat once in a while. I’ll worry about my figure (ha ha) once I conquer cancer and chemo.