be at a healthy weight by June

not only have I met the goal that I set for myself, but the past few days I have had some … shell we say “upsets” not only at home but especially at work. Surprisingly enough I realized, after being in the middle of the problem for a few days, I hadn’t even thought about “shutting down” when it came to eating … that was something new.

so I had a bit of a set back.
It started with being so sick I couldn’t eat, and then I had a trip where I was working long days with no scheduled breaks and less then
8 1/2 hours on the ground … not enough time to eat and sleep after a long days so I chose to sleep rather then eat.

I was pretty determined to lose weight, not to let those who where checking up on me, figure out what I was doing … or if they did, not let them change my mind or talk me out of it…
it ended up that my friend had a problem that we had talked about earlier, not the same problem as I have, but in many way, all problems are alike… they need to be given to God. To help my friend with there problem… I was also addressing my own.
I can see God changing me even here, I would never have been that open or quick to change or respond a few months ago

surprisingly, I really didn’t lose a lot … and I did try.
It looks like I will still achieve this goal

it looks like I’ll get there before June
I think now it’s a matter of … how do I put this
emotions? fear? me.

the direction I look :)

This goal is going too well

I can’t handle it any more

it has been almost a week now since I have even thought about this …lol

that is really a change
ok so a lot has been going on, I’ll grant you that.
and I’m at my daughter’s house in Germany…
who doesn’t even own a scale, so there is on temptation to jump on the scale every time I walk in and out of the room, which was my normal habbit… (just too see if there has been a change.. yeah… even I know that’s crazy… but I couldn’t help it)
while I’ve been here I have been focused on keeping others together… keeping the baby alive and mother composed.

I have no idea what I weigh right now.. I’m almost afraid to go back home at the moment and find out… but my time here is coming to an end and I will be leaving in a few days

when I started writing this I felt really good.. that I had been doing well and eating right… now I am in panic mode … what if I have gain too much?

maybe I should stop eating for awhile

maybe I should stop thinking and just do what I know is right
sometimes feelings aren’t always a good thing

just breathe

I guess I didn’t expect this to happen or for me to really be ok with it
I’m finding that I don’t care so much…
well, most of the time. lol
I still catch myself now and then
but I don’t feel like a shadow anymore

it helps to stay completely away from the scale
except for once a week

my dh picked me up from work this evening (we only have one working car right now) it had been a long day and I had not eaten since leaving home about 10 hours earlier, so he took me out to eat. there was a woman there that I pointed out and said something like “I wish I was as skinny as her” my dh looked at me and shook his head… He said that I was skinnier then her already!
Now I am seriously freaked out… could that be so! I look in the mirror and I don’t see that at all. What is wrong with me??

some have the danger zone just one pound away from “normal” weight zone.
I’m figuring on gaining 10 lbs. that seems to be right in the middle

this is too scary to even think about …I wonder if I can do it?