i felt like i went a little overboard this weekend. i need to be inside my head, alone for a little while, because i feel as if i’m pushing many of my friends further and further away from me. it’s the way i handle any kind of social situation.

i just want to be accepted and loved, and in order to do that, i try to get in peoples’ faces.

it doesn’t work that way.

why do i do this?

what makes me so annoying and forceful?

i need help on this one.

sometimes i feel as if i need to go somewhere to love myself. be alone. away from distractions, life, people – but then i realize, those things will always be there. it’s all in how you interpret them. i can be in my closet and find or love myself. i just need to learn how. i’m starting to understand that i allow others (who love me dearly) to enable strong emotions within me (that i am working on transforming into better energy). my anger, love, craziness, hate, passion, etc is illuminated by them. however positive this may seem, it ends up hurting me when all is said and done. i am like an emotional rollercoaster.

let’s find a way to stabilize. i’ll be there for myself where ever this “personal pilgrimage” may be. at home, in the park, in india, with my husband, in the street, in the car…the list goes on. i don’t have to leave my city to accomplish this goal…