orchid264 is trying to become a better person
Like many others I’m a person who’s finding it hard to disappoint others. So when someone comes up to me to ask me for a favour I normally say “yes” without thinking twice about it. But there are the favours that are no problem and the ones I know the second I say yes in the back of my mind “I should’ve said no”...
Finding an excuse to get out of it after having already agreed to sth. is even harder. And when I happen to find one and tell the other person that it’s not going to happen after all I’m usually left with a guilte consciens rather than a feeling of relief.
The only way to stop this circle of bad feelings is to say no in the first place. To stop and think for a moment and ask myself how is this affecting me? And the be true to myself and the other person and just tell them the truth. Maybe one day not using some excuse like: sorry don’t have the time… Or : Sorry don’t feel too good today… but instead just saying out loud: I’m just dealing with some personal issues myself and have to concentrate on something thats very important to me and needs alot of attention. Ok maybe thats also too much… Some people manage to just say no without further ado… Why? They don’t feel like they have to justify for everything and anything…
Okay.. enough ranting for now…
What I wanted to post about was that I finally stood up for myself today. Maybe not in the fashion I described up there but far more important is the person I stood up to. My father.
With him I’ve always been even more careful. Never wanting to hurt or disappoint him I pretty much always did what he expected from me or measure up to his standards. And today I told him that I wouldn’t spend my sunday with him at my grandparents but would rather stay at home. I know… doesn’t sound like a big achievement but to me it is. My father has been living with us for 10 years now and I’ve not exactly seen or talked to him on a regular basis. So other than with my mother where I can just be and talk about whatever and am not afraid to say sth wrong with him its diffrent.
Anyways… what I just wanted to say is that today I said no. And that doesn’t mean I’m never going to say yes again or that I’m letting anyone down. I just said no to them and yes to myself and I’m trying to feel good about that and not worry.
:)
