practice portion control

There hasn’t really been any “real” progress in the last couple of months. Since Febuary I constantely eat too much. I can think about not doing it right before I eat and then, when I eat I just continue eating to annoy me.
This is so frustrating. But I guess the problem I am having really comes back to not loving myself enough. Or better said, not liking myself, wanting to get back at me…Yes, I think it really is about that.
Oh well, at least I have been excersising this week. And I will lay done some ground rules:

1. Non sweets late at night!
2. I will eat a good normal sized breakfast, not a huge one
3. no second helpings
4. I continue to write everything down in my food journal (not excessive, but as accurate as possible without being fanatic)

oh, I can’t wait until I can cross this of my list. but I guess it will still take a while.
in the last couple of days (well, since February actually this has not worked so good) I eat way more sweets than in the months before. and every few hours I get an idea in my head “of what I could eat” and often I give in. but this is not the healthy “oh I am relaxed and this is really about food” appetite. it is the “I am emotionally strained and actually crave comfort” appetite.
so, I have to change my strategy. there hasn’t been any serious damage to my weight and so I just have to relax and think realistically about it. every stupid time I eat.
also, I will really try to start meditating, because I have noticed that I am “out of it” lately. my sleep, my concentration everything is a little out of balance.
ok, now I will start :)

this did not goal well this weekend. since february I really have problems with this. I really think about getting a scale but I don’t really think that that’s it. I already write down my eating in a food journal ( well, most of the time. usually not when I totally overeat and overdrink (alcohol) but that, to my defense, does not happen often!).
The thing is, I wille never be very skinny. I am healthy and sporty but my BMI will always be around 23-24. that is how I am build and I don’t want to depress myself by always looking at an ok, but not perfect, weight. I rather like to feel good in my clothes.
so what is it? why do I overeat and why do I sabotage myself? I think for now, I will really just try to go back to what I have been doing until february (since then my weight has gone up again) and most importantely I will quit this negative thinking and try to relax about my weight issue!!!

it is not going so good. I behave like I have in the past…and it’s crazy, because it’s like a pattern that repeats itself in the course of years and not of weeks or months….I really don’t get it!? but maybe, it is just an excuse I made up to sabotage myself…could be…I am good at that :)...:(

again :(...yesterday I ate to much big time. First I went to a thing from university where they had a huge buffet. do I have to write more?!
after that I went to a party where I not only drank to much vodka but also ate to much party food!!!
but, I know that beating myself up about it is not good. so, today I will good back to normal and let it all be…I will eat healthy and go to the gym! no self-loathing!!!!

this is really hard right now. I was doing really good but somehow my portion size keeps increasing. I think I have to monitor it again. and what I really don’t like about it, is that I am starting to eat so much that I feel stuffed again…stress-eating :(