caused me to change my mind

We were going to meet in person tomorrow to talk about all of it. We were going to get everything out into the open. We were going to try to rebuild and reconnect.

He wrote an entry on one of his goals talking about me. It says it was posted about 6 hours ago. That’s the same time we were texting each other about getting together.

I’m hurt all over again.

I thought we were past the part where we hurt each other.

He said I do pre-emptive things. That’s true. I deleted him from Facebook and 43T because in the past he posted mean and hateful things on both of my pages when we were fighting. He did it on more than one occasion. I learned to protect myself from that.

He said I would come up with a reason not to talk to him. I think his latest entry is a fair reason. Maybe he should have thought about that before he wrote it. 19 months ago

but I’m not ready

I’m not ignoring him. I’m trying to protect myself from emotional pain. I hurt him badly and in turn, he hurt me too. I know its human nature to strike back. Its also human nature to protect yourself. I can’t take the emotional impact at this moment.

I love him. I truly do. I just need time to heal from the things he said. 19 months ago

I’m hurting too. I’m sorry you saw those texts. I’m sorry I participated in those conversations. I promise with everything in my soul that nothing happened beyond texting. I’m not as strong as you think. It made me feel desirable even though I knew we were only joking. I liked the attention and I was weak.

I knew you loved me, but I didn’t realize how much.

We both are guilty of striking out at the other when we think we’re going to be hurt. We want to hurt before we get hurt. I’m sorry. 19 months ago