learn how to ignore hurtful useless comments

My sisters, peers, and even sometimes my best friend can be hurtful to me, they say all this crap about me. I wish i could start over where no one knew me so I could show everyone how i have changed over the years. I was picked on in grade school…i was a push over but i admit I was a little mean and i admit i took what they said about me too seriously. So all i want to do is ignore them and be confident so i can start over u know?

Something just happened. Okay, so my friend showed me this exercise when ever something brings you anxiety, and for me it was a mean comment someone made about my art, I have spent months just randomly thinking about it and getting sad and then trying to ignore it.

Well it happened I got it.

My friend told me to take an object like a pen or a stick, etc and hold in my hand and squeeze it till it resembled the tension that that actual incident brought me than sift through and figure out what it was that made you uncomfortable, at first it was a comment:

yes. jooyoung, you’re drawings well, I grow bored/tired of them easily. you should draw like someone else.

I remember feeling like, yeah you asshole, thanks alot!

but deep down inside, I searched around and it wasn’t the fear that he didn’t like my work, it went from there to people won’t appreciate my work, but that wasn’t it, so it went to people not understanding my owrk, and that wasn’t it, so I realized, what bothered me, by his statements, is that it made me feel the following thought:

i fear people not understanding me, or even giving me a chance to explain myself.

once I found the idea, I stopped squeezing the pencil and rolled it softly in my hand and said:

could you let go of this feeling?

and then I answered.

then I said: would you let go of this feeling?
and then I answered
and then I said: when would you let go of this feeling?
and then I answered.

after all of that, open your eyes and stare at the pencil and drop it, and watch it just fall.

I did this once, but they say with somethings you have to do it many many times.

This exercise works will for the useless comments, I know for bigger traumatic stuff, that takes more thought and effort and dropping a pen may not do the trick but as for hurtful useless comments, give it 3 tries, and you might start to feel it work. (:

jooyoung

Free write everyday for 10 minutes about who you are.

i have to let things go when I see them happen to other’s too. I mean I was browsing 43 getting my cheers done for the day and I happened upon a commet left on someone’s list that was rude. It totally pissed me off. I was like ..HOw rude is that! the more I thought about it ..the more upset I got.

I am just too sesitive and I have no idea how to let it go. The for agreements say…To stop taking things personally. LOL..easier said then do ne.

that I’m ridding myself of….thank the Lord….held up my tuition reimbursement paperwork so she could get in her last zinger about my curriculum not being turned in. Because I didn’t want to burn bridges, I did not tell her that because writing curriculum, which was an EXTRA duty I considered and not written specifically into our contract language, was NOT my first priority, that being mindfully present in my CLASSROOM to teach the kids was what I was under contract for, is why I haven’t turned in my curriculum. When I told her I would turn it in June 29, and she gave me this litany about it shouldn’t be turned into a reader because she doesn’t like to ask them to take their summer to read curriculum, I said to her, well, it’s not problem to ask a writer to take their evenings and weekends away from their families in order to write curriculum – what’s the difference? I’m so glad to be out of there; if I didn’t get out when I did, I would have said something totally inappropriate that probably would have gotten me fired!

sensitive when someone tells me that I’m part of the reason the educational system is “fucked,” as someone here has put it.

I wonder if people really know how much money I’ve invested in my education so I can teach their “fucked” children? And when those parents come to parent/teacher conferences, do I point out the ways they have “fucked” their children? No…..

I’m pretty good about ignoring hurtful useless comments….except here, where I think I can vent a little about how that hurts me.

Nevertheless, I do need to get over someone totally bashing the field I have poured my blood, sweat, and tears in because they feel that I’m a poor teacher, without even knowing me….

I sure hope the world can do with less judgment and more helping hands. It must be a very heavy burden to carry all that bitterness.

I, for one, am getting better at letting that go, even if I do vent.

Ah….that made me feel better. Now I can go back and take more “shit” in my classroom…..

I wrote this as a comment to someone, but it felt like it would belong here too:

There is so much pain in the fear of what other people think.

It is taught to us when we are young.

How people treat us is how we are taught to treat or see ourselves.

And it hurts!

I am realizing that there are things people told me as a child that I never dealt with, thus I am sensitive when people make certain comments or address me in certain ways.

I made a list of all the people who were involved in my life as a child.

That taught me to devalue myself, my feelings or my thoughts.

The list was LONG.

I made these forms, to fill out, it has a place for the name, time, incidient(s), how the incident affected/what it ‘mis’-taught me about myself, why I want to let this go, what I am returning to the person who hurt me (shame, embarrasment, fear, anger, pain, damaged self esteem, etc), and suggestions as to how they could improve their behavior.

When ever I get upset about something from the past, or something triggers a memory about something or somebody who hurt me, I fill out one of these forms.

It helps me sort out my thoughts, and for some reason it hurts less.

I dunno if I will ever take the forms and write letters to the people who taught me to not value myself.

But what I will do, is I will learn from the process of sorting out my feelings. And I have noticed that the more that I have do this, things hurt me/affect me less than they used to.

It’s a process, I think it is a deep thing. I have needed to go back to my past to realize, what made me so sensitive and insecure. I know some people say that people are born sensitive or not sensitive, but I think in someways we are taught, how to feel certain ways about ourselves.

And sometimes the things we are taught are wrong, and must unlearn those things, and become stronger.

Peace to you.

And good wishes.

J

I am way to sensitive. Which is messed up because I am really sarcastic. I got my feelings hurt on a lj comm. HOw dumb is that. And My DH hurt my feelings, I know he did not mean too, but it still hurt.

I need to pick up that book “The Four Agreements” There is a section in there about just what I need to work on. How do you let things like that go? It is so personal.

Never, never share anything about yourself in public.

Trust no one – sad!

Yes yes, I want to learn how to ignore the comments that hurt me most. I have low self esteem, and hurtful comments do not help.