be happy alone

I heard a song the other day and part of the lyrics say “I don’t know who I am without you..all I know is that I should.” It hit me like a ton of bricks that for the past four years I associate myself with my boyfriend. I depend on him for everything and I feel as if I’ve lost myself. I finally brought myself to end the relationship last night. The hard thing is sticking to it. I know it wasn’t a healthy relationship but I don’t even know what to do with myself. I don’t know what I even enjoy doing anymore. How is it possible to be happy alone..when alone, I’m empty?

2 years since divorce and I am slowly accepting my own space and being okay with it. Still hard on slow nights or when something comes up that is best done with a partner. I love being in charge of how the house runs and not having to explain anything to anyone.

I can leave my hockey gear laying around and no one complains. But I like a clean house so it usually does not last long.

In all honesty I am not truly alone as I have my wonderful kids half-time during the week.

All the kids gone this Saturday and I played with the radio and danced all day while cleaning. I really like myself! I had so much fun and never even occurred to me to be sad at all. Sometimes I wish I could just share my crazy thoughts with someone and play kissy face but….it’s fine the way it is right now.

im trying to work on this daily. especially since my bf and i broke up just yesterday. its kind of been a bad relationship for the past two months. im a strong person and i know that i’ll be fine. much better off without him. im actually trying to Not call anyone when im feeling down either, simply because i know theyre not real friends and deserve no part in my life. i also think that being happy alone equals no need to turn to anyone for help. instead being able to turn to yourself for help, and making yourself feel better.
im going to mark this as done since ive been practicing this for a few months now and im much better at it. im happy being alone. no stress.

I don’t have the radar out looking for a date these days. I’m not blind to the beautiful people around me but it’s not my deal to look at anyone as my next love. Am I mean about it? Never. If I look for it, it hurts like hell to not to find someone. So, to fix the situation. I stopped looking and am pulling myself back from wanting anyone in my life.

My goal to “be happy alone” is my way of living life on life’s terms. Plain and simple. I want what I have. I do not want what I don’t have.

I found myself surrounded by negative people several years ago. Instead of continuing on in negative cycles, I removed myself from all social circles, spent time refining my sense of self and learning to be content alone. After six months of this kind of thing I found myself fitter, happier and more relaxed than I had ever been.

Though I’m in a relationship now with a phenominal person who I love very much, I still make time to be alone occasionally. For me, it’s impossible to relate to the world in a healthy way without a firm idea of what’s going on inside myself. Making time to do just that is a high priority for me, and as essential as good food and clean water.

its hard coming home and staying up alone once the kids go to bed. I turn to the internet….and have to remember not to use food to cheer me up. I don’t want to call my friends and bother them. Also because in order to achieve this goal I can not use security blankets.

but I have goals to keep so I hope they keep me busy.

When our loved ones pass on it takes forever to get over it. I have a hard time dealing with being separated from people who are alive. But if you wake up another day, it’s a sign that you can’t give up just yet. write a journal. buy a children’s colouring book and mindlessly colour, forget about staying in the lines. take it hour by hour instead of day by day. I wish i could say more right now alaska, but you do have the strength, you just don’t know it yet.

I may have a way to go in the trusting guys again catagory, but in the mean time I’m just fine and quite happy being alone until somebody proves that there’s reason to put the effort into another relationship!