I just seem to be existing right now. Not much going on. My mood is fairly stable, but I feel like I should be out doing something. I just don’t have the energy or the motivation to do it. 2 days ago
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Struggling today, and a lot lately.
I’m so tired of having no control. And I’m so tired of trying to justify myself to coworkers. I haven’t been at my job long and I’m very scared – of how I’m perceived and of losing my job and of never getting better.
When I got home today I really needed some extra love from my husband, but he doesn’t always understand and he just seemed irritated and he mostly left me alone. I know it’s unfair how hard this must be for him. But it’s a lot harder for me.
I’ll be starting a new medication to replace one of the ones I take now. I’m anxious – medication changes are so unpredictable and scary.
Crying crying crying. Too weak to stop. 3 days ago
Why are we usually obsessed about the people we hate/dont like, who made our lives more miserable?
Or is it just me? 3 days ago
I’m going to write my own success story. A happy story. It started with tragedy, pain, and regret. But slowly one step at a time, more positive events happened, a new mind set started evolving. Although this world is a meaningless dump I shall find some meaning in its chaos. Love is so shallow even when it’s deep. The infinite is rest and slumber.
I’m going to talk si much about the negative that has happened to me. I have enough of that in my mind. But I’d like to discuss what I’m going to do to be better for me. And learn to love me as I am.
Today I called in sick to work. I wish I could just not go back since I strongly dislike it. I’m going to cut my hours as soon as I save the 10000 $ I had in mind. If all goes well that will be the end of April.
I’m starting a dairy and wheat free challenge for 43 days I know I’ve heard in the past that they’re quit harmful. We’ll see how I do tomorrow 2 weeks ago
I volunteer at a museum to keep busy. I also want to want to hopefully help kids in their education. It’s a huge uphill battle that leaves me drained sometimes though.
Example—I had some 5th graders that were there to learn about local animals that were active at night. Bats, fox, coyote, opossum, and such.
They wanted to learn about bigfoot, werewolves, vampires and aliens, because they saw it on TV. If it’s on TV, it must be true.
SAD. 2 weeks ago
You know those kinds of troubles that you face, the ones you don’t feel like talking to anyone about, neither your close friends nor your siblings and parents. The ones that you can’t tweet or blog about, and can’t bear the burden of keeping them just for yourself. All you do is stubbornly suppressing and suppressing.
And then you feel sorry for your miserable and so vulnerable self, ‘cause you are just complaining to the cyber strangers about how difficult it is for you to survive.
And when all your backup plans and the caves you used to escape to don’t work, you then should realize that this depression is getting way too serious now. And you should act. Temporary distractions are not an act. Temporary anything is not a solution.
Sigh. This is life, and I have n’t learned yet how to deal with it. 3 weeks ago
Doing better after the birthday fiasco and I booked my flight home for beginning of may. I’m excited, but honestly I love it here. I”m trying to write 7 essays this week….one which is 4,000 words. I have two down, so only 5 to go at the moment. 3 weeks ago
I see so many with the same goal as me and instantly I feel less alone. It’s hard dealing with an illness that no one understands or accepts as more than “a bad day”. This isn’t a fad, people. This is my life. Don’t let the fake smiles I hand out like candy fool you. So, here I am. One day at a time, one step at a time, I will try to turn those into real smiles. Step one was taking a break and disabling my Facebook account. I notified everyone that I would be doing so in order to save them from the confusion of thinking I simply deleted them, but instead I was met with a barrage of comments such as “Stop being a 13-year-old girl and just leave it open”, “Why are you being so Emo?” and “OMG. You are such a drama queen!”. It seemed everyone was more concerned with me leaving it open to appease them than actually asking if everything was okay. If I could have told them the reason I was stepping back from Facebook, perhaps it would have made the comments worse. I took a step back because logging in every day and seeing so many smiling faces, so many groups of friends going out and having fun and so many good times going on around me while I sat home alone in my tiny bedroom was becoming too painful. It’s not that I don’t want my friends and family to be happy, OF COURSE I DO, it’s just not easy to watch the world around you thrive while you are wasting away inside with no one to turn to. I need to kick this before the world moves on without me. 3 weeks ago
I am graduating in 34 days, and I do not yet have anything figured out. I have been rejected from my top choices due to bans on hiring (based on nationality). It doesn’t matter that I am one of top three students in my batch, it doesn’t matter that I’ve done extremely well, or how much effort I’ve put in to it.
I am graduating in a month’s time, and I have no idea what I’ll do next. This is it, and I have no idea where I’ll go next, boy does that scare me, and boy does that trigger an episode.
I am trying to keep telling myself that my worth is not tied to the sort of job that I land, and that most undergraduates don’t really end up in their top places anyways, but this doesn’t make things any less terrifying. 3 weeks ago
I am trying to come to terms with the possibility that sometimes my 101% is just not good enough. 4 weeks ago
When I look back at the depression and the emotions I was going through. It wasn’t even about the relationship break up as I knew from the start he wasn’t for me. It was my own emotions about being a mother. Feeling like I could never be one was too much. However. Those fertility tests were proved wrong. 4 weeks ago
Whenever I get sucked into depression, I am evil to my boyfriend. Always has been like this. Fuck. So weird.
I just suddenly feel like everything is shit and that another side of myself takes over me. The side that is always suffering and unhappy with what she has in this life.
I gotta make myself have more things that I like then I guess… because whenever I get depressed I truly feel like I hate my boyfriend. Weird. Weird. Weird. 1 month ago
I started school again this year. Part time. I’m taking a Psychology class…of course…but maybe I can get something out of it. More than just a good grade. 1 month ago
i finally got back on meds again, feel better, but still have bad days 1 month ago
Escaping to the psychiatrist alone won’t help. I need to do actions by myself. To try or think, to convince myself that I dont deserve this state of mind. To stay more with myself, spending more quality time with myself. I dont know whether I need distractions or I need to re-think the issue and re-analyze it over and over again.
There should be a room for joy and a room for grief in the heart. But the room of grief is taking all over the place now, and I have to do something about it.
This time it was nt me, it was my very very wonderful elder sister. I think she has noticed how stressful I am being, and she is certain that I am so damn broke, so she registered me for Zumba dancing classes at a nearby gym. THAT IS SO HILARIOUS this is being my very very first time doing something this different from the daily routine!
I know I am so blessed with this sister, she does nt usually express her love and kindness this easily but I was so surprised by what she has done.
The first class was last weekend, I had experienced a clarity of mind for two hours of my life and hopefully those classes would be the baby-steps I take to beat my depression. 1 month ago