Find out who I really am

Not meaning to be pushy or anything, but life isn’t about us, there is no meant to be this. It is all about meant to do. We are just tools of god.

this goal is never ending, but in the past three months I have really progressed, so I would say that I have succeeded!

hey people..
i need help to find out who i really am…i am a 21 yr old just thru with my graduation and really have no idea what i want form life even though i have a lucrative job offer in hand from a very reputed MNC.all my life i have been an obedient child ..doing well in my studies..exceeding my parents expectations every academic year..failing them only on rare occassions..so much so that seein them happy made me happy..i was doing things for them..and then i met this guy wen i was 16 and its been five years i have been with him..he is not doing tht great career wise as i am n though i would love to marry him eventually but it may not happen coz we have chosen diametrically opposed career paths..n then our levels of intelligence too vary a lot…i dont know..i have loved him and hee has loved me genuinely..hes a great guy and any woman wud be lucky to have him..but somehow i just done feel the spark for him anymore..as is on days i do..on others i dont..i feel like running away from him or my other over achieving friends…i have been so dependent on him..n so selfless in dealing with this relationship..puttin ‘our’ needs ahead of my own..thinking all the while that its hard to find good guys..but i need a break right now..to discover myself..that what i am and can be without him..what can i do with my life…where do i find contentment..i want to live my life..commit mistakes..learn from them..but m also a very negative person..infact even with postive developments i turn negative !..i badly need help..m sitting at home these days coz my joining date is a month away but as they say an idle mind is a devil’s workshop..same is the case with me..i kep on thinking endlessly about my future..my life..about what i want..

For years, I have been in the company of a couple of women, I have shared my life with someone special every day for the past 8 years. I dont know how much of me I have lost or I have compromised to be in some of these relationships, I know the relationships need compromise, but i want to find myself, the Me i can be proud of once more. I want to find the me that is TRULY me and Not a piece of the people ive been with. They were all great companions, and I am grateful for them sharing thier lives with me, but now its time to clean house emotionally and spiritually. Its time to start new. And so now I begin, with forty three things. And so I start with number 1, getting to know myself once more.

I am tired of trying to meet someone else’s expectations…

I class today, my teacher, Ms. Harold, for a writing assignment, told us to write about who we are. I started off like this:
“My name is Alyssa.”
Yeah, SURE, my name Alyssa, but that’s not who i really am….when I’m with my family, I’m shy and quiet, defenseless, sensitive when my parents are mad at me. When I’m in class, I’m shy and quiet also; I do my work, I pay attention to the teacher, I act like the perfect, quiet student. Yet when I’m with my friends, I’m loud and spunky….I’m no longer afraid to defy the rules. I act craazy with my friends, and I have fun like there’s no tomorrow. But when I’m in my room, I transform once more. I turn into a poet….an author, a writer, a singer, writing in my diary. I’m secretive.
So, who am I? Where is my true self?

I don’t recognize the person who stares back at me in the mirror. So much mystery from someone so close, the one who should know everything about me but seems so foreign. I mean WTF? I should go dive into a pile of coke, maybe that would help me get in touch with me…lmao.

I know theres more to me than I myself know. Theres some hidden truth and something is leading me to find out. I just want to recognize the person that stands before me in the mirror.

It seems to be like we live for living… like there is no time to sit down and think about such a silly little thing… you see I don’t think I am just a daughther, a sister, a cousin, an Aunt, a friend, a student, a x, a y and a z… I truly believe I have to be more than that. And that is the reason why I want to FIND OUT WHO I REALLY AM!

i really dont know. i am 21 years old. i have been with my husband for 5 years. i care too much what other people think about me.i let that determine what i do , how i look, and i wish i was strong enough to stand apart from that and be myself. actually i heard this saying somewhere “your not original your just a little bit of every person you have ever met.” and that is me. i want to be like everyone else and i font know why. i wish that it would stop. i wish i felt good enough about my own self than trying to be like everyone else. i never have time to really know myself. my husband tries to make me someone im not. i just wish i could figure out who i really am. who i could be if only i put my mind to it.