act like an adult this time around

Within the next week to week and a half, I’ll be moving in with Christopher. He’s gotten out of the lease on his current place, so we can find somewhere that’s our own. This weekend we found the perfect apartment in the perfect building in the perfect neighborhood for the perfect price. So yeah… I guess I’m soon to be shackin’ up/living in sin with my boyfriend. Nice…

I’m not worried about this being too much too soon or a big friggin’ mistake or anything like that. I think it’s the right time for this step, and I’m really looking forward to it (despite the fact that until I find a job in Birmingham I’ll be driving an hour to work and an hour home every day).

I am really, really excited.

Christopher and I tell each other everything. Whether it’s why he got pissed at someone, how someone inadvertently hurt my feelings, thoughts on pop culture, little pieces of gossip we’ve picked up throughout the day, we share everything. Good habit to get into, right?

Right…mostly.

Over the past few weeks I’ve gotten a lot closer to one of my college guy friends. We’ve always been close, but lately he’s been calling me a lot. Call me naive (go ahead…I won’t hold it against you), but I thought it was just because we have a mutual close friend who is about to make a colossal mistake. That’s what I thought. But then just a little while ago, he called me, and after we hashed out a plan of action, he starts talkin’ all this nonsense about how we should have ended up together.

Do what now?

Huh?

He knows I have a boyfriend. I mean, I talk about him all the time to anyone who will listen (but considering most of my friends still boo and hiss whenever his name comes up, I don’t talk about him all that often). Plus, I have never thought of this friend in some sort of romantic way. After I said as much, as sweetly as I could, my friend made the voyage back from Eternia and agreed with me.

So here’s the thing that’s got me momentarily loathing my tell-all policy with Christopher: He knew this was coming. He told me so a few days back (and I was all like, “That’s ridiculous!”), and then he asked me that if dude ever proved him right to tell him. You know, no secrets?

Pfft…I don’t want to do this. This friend is one of my closest college friends, and I just think this could turn into some sort of issue that I don’t want to deal with, BUT if the shoe were on the other foot, I’d want to know (so I could beat that bitch down, yo). I know that this was nothing, but I also know my boyfriend, and if I didn’t tell him and he found out, he wouldn’t like it at all. He’s identical to me in that respect.

Rawr.

It’s true. Melissa likes to have her way ALL THE TIME. I’ve always kind of held on to this misguided belief that I was really accommodating and whatnot, but seriously, I’m not. I’m beginning to realize that I’m easygoing when I get my way. All the other times? Not so much.

Now that I’ve recognized this behavior, it should, in theory, be somewhat easy to correct, right? Uh…no, not really. Last night was a perfect example of this. Christopher and I were just chillin’ on the couch when he started to turn on this TV show he watches. Now, I’m not going to say what it is, but it’s something a man of his intelligence should be above. Was there something else on I had been planning on watching? No. Did I think he was ignoring me? Nope. I just hate that show. So I picked up a book and thought “Look at you, Melissa. You’re being so accommodating and sweet.” That’s what I thought. Then I noticed I wasn’t really reading at all. It was like I was staging some kind of dumb silent protest.

And apparently acting like a brat is contagious!

Before long, we were both silent and surly for no good reason. Then he started prodding. “What’s wrong? Want to watch something else? Is something the matter?” And then he dropped the bomb on me – “I know you hate this show, but I just kind of wanted us to do it together.” Fuck…I hate losing. I mean, do I honestly think my boyfriend is super-psyched to be making plans with me to see the “Sex and the City” movie? Ehhh…probably not. But he’s going to do it anyway – and gladly!

In summation, compromising is a bitch and I hate it but I think I need to start doing a bit more of it.

While we were out shopping Saturday, Christopher and I ran into (almost literally) his ex mother-in-law. Let’s just say that they’re not on the friendliest of terms. She’s also a former high school teacher of mine, whom I have to see on a fairly regular basis. So now she knows, and from the look I was on the receiving end of, she’s pissed.

Normally, things like this don’t really get to me. If you don’t like me, fine, I probably don’t like you either. It’s just that this is someone who is not exactly known for holding her tongue (or her temper) in public, and I have to see her because of my job. I know she’s going to say something to me next week, and I know what my normal response would be (hint: something along the lines of “hey lady, fuck off and get the hell out of my business”).

The problem is that, obviously, I cannot say anything close to that, but I’m not just going to take her bullshit, you know?

Rarrghh…this is going to be uncomfortable.

Over the past few weeks, my life has consisted of two things – work and Christopher. I’ve been perfectly content with that, but yesterday J called and told me it was high-time I came out of seclusion and hung out with him. Hanging out with friends…that’s something that should happen, right? I didn’t have set plans with Christopher anyway, so I did it.

I love my friends (the ones I’ve got left anyway), and I’ve always loved hanging out with them. Last night, however, I was almost miserable. I did enjoy catching up with J and seeing random folks I hadn’t seen in a few weeks, but the whole time I was thinking that I would have rather been with Christopher.

I know there should be a balance of time with him and time with other people, but I don’t want time with other people, and I suspect that is quite lame.

Is this normal or I am becoming unreasonably attached to him?

I don’t know.

Sometimes I just don’t get me. I left work yesterday afternoon with that on-top-of-the-world feeling. The sun was shining, the Felice Brothers were keeping me company and I felt so secure and so confident in the decision I made to try again with Christopher.

Then around 8 o’clock last night, I lost my damn mind. All of a sudden I became obsessed (in a possessed, Linda Blair way) with the thought that he’s going to leave me. Why? I don’t know. In a short time, we established a very complicated history, and even though I do feel like being with him again is the right decision, last night I flipped out. Secretly. I didn’t outright accuse him of anything. I didn’t even really hint around at it. I guess I just wasn’t acting like myself, and he knows me so well that he was able to diagnose the problem almost immediately.

You know, it feels great to hear him tell me he loves me and all that jazz, but I feel like an absolute ass for needing it. I KNOW where we stand. I don’t think I shouldn’t need him to reassure me like that.

So I guess acting like an adult is really going to require me to keep my psychosis in check. I don’t want to act like some needy little bitch, you know?

_{Alternate Title: “The Saga Continues”}

Obviously, I’m back with Christopher. He’s moved home, and we’re a couple…AGAIN. I haven’t really rushed into this decision. Believe me, it’s pretty much been the only thing I’ve thought about since we last saw each other in February. I’m readying myself to take the guff from my friends, but I feel like this is the absolute best thing for me, so I don’t really care if they’re pissed or not. It’s my life, yo.

Christopher and I have discussed the fact that despite this weird connection we had, we didn’t really know each other all that well the first time around. So this time, it’s going to be different.

It’s going to be different…and SLOW.

He’s living in Birmingham doing what needs to be done, and we’ve decided that unlike last time when we centered our lives on each other and had a nuclear holocaust break-up when it didn’t work out, this time we’re going to take it super-slowly. With my job taking up so much of my time, we’re only going to see each other on the weekends, AND those weekends are going to be spent doing things to see if we truly are compatible outside of the bedroom, you know?

So this goal is going to be me trying my best to make this work without all the unneeded drama and childish fantasies of ten years from now. We’re concentrating on today, and today is perfectly absolutely awesomely fine with me.