take care of me

I personally have several things I need to work out to get some sort of equilibrium into my life and into my soul. There are issues that I allowed to get so far out of hand rather than just dealing with it and now I working on becoming that proactive person who can take care of their own problems and make good choices. The first thing was to learn how to balance using my heart and my logic together. I had always behaved according to what I felt rather than thinking a situation through and it gave me no end of problems, so while it felt unnatural at the start, I now temper them together. I am not perfect at it, but I have been using my brain a bit more which led me to one of the best decisions I have made for myself in awhile.

There was a friend in my life, that I loved so much, but they absolutely fit the bill of a toxic person. I was allowing him to victimize me because I thought that if I stood up to him that I would be betraying him through unkindness and so I let him hurt and hurt and hurt. I did finally manage to think it through and realized that that is not how a friendship – any friendship – should work. I told him so and let him know that while I love him and will miss him, he has no place in my life. I had to cut him loose. I had a final straw moment with him over a betrayal of secrets and as usual, he was unrepentant. I did what I had to, and it sucks and hurts because I lost a friend, but I feel 100% that I did the right thing. This was an important step for me. I am proud that I finally grew the balls to do this for me.

I never take care of myself. I always make sure that others are taken care of, have their needs or wants met, and I put others first.

I am putting my foot down in 2009 to take care of me! Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and nutritionally (this one will take more time). I am going to make sure that I have in place the people that will help me obtain these goals. I often feel people take advantage of my goodness.

This would helf define my life goals.

Everyone has limits, and I have them like everyone else, although I’ve been told that my limits often exceed what’s expected. However, when push comes to shove, I will always stick to what I’m comfortable with and make a decision based on what I know will be good for me. It should also never come as a surprise; I call people on it before more damage can be done, something that I never used to do before but I do now because it’s only fair.

A friend of mine once said, “You never should have to put up with anything or anyone. Once you say the words ‘put up with…’ you’re giving whomever or whatver permission to inconvenience you, usually way too much.” In my case, that’s often what happens.

I’m learning to stand up for myself and stick to my decisions. It’s uncomfortable sometimes because it leads to sticky situations, but as the days go by, I feel better. It’s a matter of respect; if I’m not going to respect myself by respecting my limits, who else will?

Last year was one of big changes, and right now I’m a bit more settled down and I’m getting used to the new way that I’ve decided to live my life. I’ve kicked out people who’ve been horrible to me, I stick with the people who look after me and make sure that they don’t hurt me, not even unintentionally. I have been taking care of myself, and because of having made that a priority, everything’s been much, much better.

But it’s now a habit. :)

I’m marking this done!

I’d have to say that there are some consequences to this business of taking care of myself, which I’m doing quite well at (although I’m not ready to tick it off yet). The biggest one so far is that certain people are surprised I say No these days and that I’ve stopped being so eager to please like I was before. I’m realizing though that most of those who get majorly surprised and complain about it are those who used to take advantage of that side of me, and who probably also looked to me for some easy, instant ego-stroking that they don’t really deserve.

Well, no more. The buck stops here, and I’m not going to apologize about it. It’s sometimes tough, but there are days when the Inner Bitch has to be let out.

For the past weeks I’ve been focussing on taking care of what’s inside me, which basically means making sure that I get what I need and want emotionally. I’ve rid myself of toxic people and these days I’m better at handling that sort of thing. I’m much happier now, much calmer, and it’s all been good for the heart and the head.

Now I’m working on the outside because I want to look as good as I feel. :)

(Milkbox wants to look and feel pretty!)

^{nice photo from Mr. E. Cipher}

There are a lot of things that I should unlearn and forget, and at times I stop and am completely surprised at how I let certain things happen to me. I do know better now, and I suppose that things learnt through experience stick better.

I want to be positive about this. It’s sometimes tough but I try my best because I don’t want to be bitter and because I want to be a good person.

I can’t say that it’s all about me now, but this time around I’ll have more Me Time and the occasional Milkbox Show.

This time, I’ll fight for my share. And I’ll make sure I get it.

I’m important, too.