keep a record of the happy times

The next entry in the saga of the tale of how BashfulC and I came to be together ;o)

Obviously BashfulC and I had spent a lot of time together, before our first spontaneous ‘date’. By spontaneous date, I am meaning the first time we actually went out somewhere together – it isnt the same thing as our first ‘official’ date which was all pre-organised etc.

BashfulC came over to Cambridge during our first week as a couple to see me. He travelled from where he worked (90 min drive or so in rush hour) and was going to stay the night before driving back in the morning (bless him – especially when you think he didnt finish work until after 5pm and started at 7am).

So he arrived at my flat that evening, around 7pm, and he said we should go into Cambridge for dinner together. I remember it was a lovely summery week and had been a hot day, so I was wearing my fav camden market orginal, spotty summer dress. When he arrived he told me that I looked lovely, and we jumped into his car and headed into town.

We parked and walked into Cambridge, I walked us through Cambridge centre so we passed a few restaurants, so we could see what took our fancy. We walked right through the centre to the river and spent a while watching people on early evening punting trips. I remember being so grateful for those moments – as we weren’t doing anything particularly special, but it felt so special. I think at this point, I still couldnt believe I had found someone, and that we both seemed to feel the same way about each other. It all felt like a dream.

We ended up walking back to an Italian restaurant which I hadnt been to before. The waitress sat up in a unique corner table/booth. BashfulC hadnt been sure that this was a good table, but actually it turned out to be perfect, as it was very intimate and private.

As it was the first time I had been to a restaurant with BashfulC, I obviously learnt a lot about him just through the experience. He was obviously very used to eating out and finer dining, and knew all about what wines to order etc etc. I loved every minute of it.

The food wasnt great, but that didnt matter. We were at that stage where you still have so much to talk about and learn about, that the evening flew by.

There are several really special events which I remember, and this date will always be one of those, as it felt like the first time we had taken our relationship ‘public’. Up until this point, we had only been together on our residential course in an alien county to us both, or in my flat. For the first time I felt that BashfulC was integrating into my life, and being introduced to the environment I had lived in for the last 9 years. I felt like I was seeing everything again afresh, and the streets which I had spent so much time trudging in loneliness or unhappiness were suddenly transformed with this man by my side.

if you are reading these through my subscriptions, then just a word of warning that for them to make sense youll want to go back to my first entry – 14th May 2007 – The start of a new life and then read them in order backwards for them to make any sense!!!

Waking up alone in my flat was not a nice way to start the day, but waking up knowing I had Dean I could talk to and text was great. We spent a lot of the morning in touch via phone. I knew that he felt I was a bit of a mystery to him, so I told him about facebook and said it would be a quick and easy way to find out a lot more about me.

So then we talked via computer for a while. I knew he was going to be driving over to Coventry that afternoon ready to start work on Monday, and he texted to ask whether I minded if he stopped by to see me for a few minutes on his way.

That made me giggle, as it was so polite. I replied saying I didnt mind, and he could even stay longer than a few minutes. I felt quite exposed I think at this point, as this guy had just learnt a lot about me via the internet, and now he was going to come and see where I live, and learn a hell lot more about me.

I remember waiting for him in the carpark, as his satnav took him to the wrong place to start with, and just the funniest feeling when I saw him pull in the carpark. It was that strange feeling when you havent seen someone for a long time, and you feel like you have to get to know them all over again.

We had chinese takeaway that night, and just watched tv and chatted. I felt so comfortable and so happy. Life felt easy again, and it had been so long since it had felt like that. Dean stayed over, which I was pleased about, primarily because it gave us more time together, but also because I just really liked having somebody I cared about and who made me feel safe there when I went to sleep and when I woke up.

Dean and I woke up together at about 7am on the Saturday morning, the day we were to all go home. Dean snuck off back to his room so that no one would realise he had stayed overnight with me.

As he left he sent me a text message saying he was going to get dressed, take his bags down to the car, and if I wanted he would come and collect me from my room so we could go down for breakfast together. I replied saying I would like that very much.

So we went and joined the others for breakfast, and when we had finished I went to go and get my stuff. He suggested that I could drive home following him, as it would be a nicer route than the one I had driven to Ross-on-Wye, and I agreed. He lived in Harlow, so it wasnt a million miles from Cambridge anyway.

We set off driving, and had agreed to stop for coffee on the way home. After about 20 mins, Dean pulled over into a layby, and came for a chat. I think he knew I was feeling uncertain about where things between us were going and he wanted to try and reassure me. He then gave me a CD and told me to listen to a certain track on it, because it was how he felt about us.

The track was one of the ones he had played the day before – and was called Open Your Eyes by Snowpatrol. I remember listening to the words and it actually making me shed a couple of tears as we drove, because I figured for him to do that, meeting me must mean something to him.

We drove on until we reached South Mimms services, where we stopped and had coffee for a couple of hours. I remember at this point just being so confused. Everything had happened so quickly and I was trying to come to terms with the fact that this wasnt just a fling but could possibly be something more. As we walked into South Mimms services, we held hands for the first time, and I felt so conspicuous as it had been so long since I had been able to do that with someone. I remember being a bit nervy with Dean at this point, I just didnt want to mentally invest or get involved in something which was destined to go nowhere – as that was how my last relationship had ended. I think Dean was probably very confused by this point.

The time seemed to fly by so quickly, and before we knew it, we were heading home. We kissed each other in the car park, and drove off in our seperate directions. I felt sad that we werent going to be able to be together that afternoon & evening, because I had become used to having company, and I knew I would miss Dean. Going home to an empty flat was hard, but it was the right thing for us both to return to normality and have some space apart. I knew without doubt that I wanted to see him again, and even though it wouldnt be easy or straightforward, that there was something very special between us.

So it was probably no surprise that Dean and I ended up spending most of our first night apart, talking and texting each other…

Well this was the day of the BIG task. Basically, a county wide scavenger hunt, which involved caving and climbing and lasted the whole day.

I remember coming down the stairs from my room to see a couple of my team, including Dean, at the bottom of the stairs. I remember having that funny feeling in my tummy as I saw him again, remembering the long chat we had been having just a couple of hours previous, which of course, no one else knew about.

I spent the morning on task with Philip hunting down clues, as the team had split off into pairs or threes. We all met up at lunchtime as the task changed and required us to split into 2 sub-teams.

We were stood outside looking at what we had to do next, and I rememver shivering because I was cold and didnt have a coat. Dean went off to get his coat from the car and give it to me to keep me warm.

Then Philip, Dean and I went on our caving part of the task. After already having done caving once that morning, plus a whole lot of running around, I was exhausted and really not sure I would be able to climb back up the cliff after we had done our bit. Philip and Dean climbed up first, and when I got to the top, as we knew we were on a time limit, we had to rush off to the car to collect the rest of the remaining clues.

I finally reached the top of the cliff and Dean helped me to take off my caving equipment. Philip later at debrief made a joke about it being at this point that ‘Dean took off all of Steph’s clothes’... (lol – nearly but that came later!!)

We then ended up driving around the country looking for clues before finally finishing the task. Philip drove back to base in his own car, and Dean drove me back in his. I remember the drive back being quite quiet, and Dean was playing various CDs – including one by Snowpatrol. At the time I remember wondering whether there was significance in the songs he was choosing to play, but once again decided that I was in danger of reading something into nothing, so decided he wasnt.

Green Team won the final task by miles, and we were all very pleased with ourselves. We sat in the bar until very late, and then all walked upstairs at the same time to go to bed. I remember saying on the way up how knackered I was, and wondering whether Dean would want to stay up and talk, as it was our last night there.

We all went into our rooms, and a text came through 5 mins later from Dean saying that it was a shame I was so tired cos he would have come over for a chat otherwise. I sent one back saying he could come around, and he replied with a playing-hard-to-get, no, not if you are tired, kind of message.

I replied saying that I was tired, but would like to chat for a while, though I was going to get ready and into bed first, so I would leave the door on the catch for him.

Dean came around ten minutes later, and I laid in bed and he sat on the edge of the bed as we chatted for a while. Through the course of our conversation, we edged closer to each other, and there was the ‘accidential’ touching of hands etc, until (and my memory is a bit hazy at this point as i was so tired!) I think Dean went to kiss me, and basically (this was after midnight, so all technically happened on the 19th, but it it easier to tell it here) Dean and I spent our first night together.

The day started off with a morning task which once again was a kind of large scale scavenger hunt. This was the first time I was introduced to Dean’s rather speedy driving… there were 3 fairly nervous women in the back of his car who were praying we didnt meet anything coming in the opposite direction on those windy country roads!

Green team unfortunately lost the task that morning – as we had lost every single task that week! That afternoon a new task started which the team did win, but only because Dean basically took over command of the task and got us all through it (we had a ‘guest’ team leader for that one, who was well out of depth).

Everyone came out of the task completely deflated, Dean was down because he hadnt wanted to ‘revert to type’ and take control, one of the women cos she had been forced to suffer from a sexist team leader, me cos I felt totally useless and a spare part, others for their own reasons…

That evening we were given a task to put on a play, and Dean was (this time officially!) team leader for the task, and we all had a great time doing it, and won that task as well! So we were delighted of course, although celebrations had to be delayed a little while, as at 9.30pm we got set our final task for the following day. We worked on getting ready for the task until midnight, and then were arranging to meet at 6.30am the following morning to start off.

As I was meant to be team leading the task, I was thinking that I wouldnt be able to get much sleep that night as it would all be going through my head. So I asked Dean for a book to read – he was a notorious insomniac and so I knew he had brought some books with him. He dropped me off a couple of them at my door, and then he went back to his room. I remember feeling a bit disappointed that he had dropped and left, and I had thought or maybe hoped that he would stay and keep my company.

However, I sat down and started reading the first few pages of one of his books. After about 10 minutes, i heard the text alert go off on my phone, and I have to say I did smile to mayself when I saw it was from Dean. He said that he would be awake most of the night, so if I wanted some company to just let him know. I texted back and said some company would be nice, and Dean came around, and we ended up sat up talking until about 4am. He then went to get a couple of hours sleep, and I remember as he left knowing that something had shifted in our relationship and that something was happening, but I wasnt sure what…

The morning of Wednesday 16th May started off fairly easily if not frustratingly. All the teams had been combined to do one giant team task, so for half a day, I didnt see that much of Dean.

However, we were caving in the afternoon, which meant Dean, Philip and I were once again thrown together. We got on the bone shaker minibus to drive over the England/Welsh border, to Abergavenny for our caving afternoon.

We had been given special caving fleeces to wear underneath our caving gear, so we knew we were going to be getting wet at some point in the expedition.

When we arrived at the location at Abergavenny, we had to follow this rope line down a very steep hill with sheer drops to the side of us, down to the cave entrance. There were two cave entrances, and Philip, Dean and one of the other guys opted for the more difficult ‘keyhole’ entrance. The rest of us got into the cave the more straightforward, although still challenging, way! The cave was full of water which we sloshed through and got soaked by. We were set ‘cave challenges’ which involved crawling under ledges and getting very wet – which I attempted all the challenges even though I was terrified of the water.

Anyway, on this caving journey, because of the funny longjohn fleeces which we were all wearing, we decided to call ourselves the 7 Dwarfs and tried to decide who was which dwarf. It was decided that I was Grumpy, cos I had moaned a fair bit about the whole trip (mostly out of fear!). I thought Dean should be called Doc, as he always seemed to have a plan or idea about how to tackle an situation or issue, but Dean decided he was Bashful.

That evening, Dean and I sat next to each other at dinner, and ended up pretty much ignoring most of the other people at the table as we had our own conversation about random things. The conversation carried on in the bar afterwards, and I remember thinking that it had been nice to have developed a connection with someone which seemed a bit deeper than the superficial.

Little did I know how that was to develop even further the next day!

The story continues…

We had thought that our first task on the Tuesday morning would start at 7.45am. How wrong we were, as it started at 7am with lots of banging on doors, they had surprised us with an early morning task…

The other task which we did that morning, coupled Dean and I up to work in a mini-team. It basically involved him having to drive around the countryside and phone in different clues to me to decode to pass on to someone else. I remember learning through this task, how intelligent and how fast Dean was at interpreting information – which was quite intimidating. He didnt make he feel stupid though and we ended up working together well in the task.

After all the morning tasks had finished, we stopped exhausted for the official group photograph and lunch. The green team were on the front row for the photo which meant jostling over which seat to have. I sat down to find Dean sat in the seat next to me. I remember a very brief wondering crossing my mind of whether he had intentionally managed the situation in order to sit next to me, but the thought was fleeting, and I dismissed it as we had barely spoken to each other, and I had no real reason to think he might have any interest in me.

After lunch we went to get in the minimus to go caving. We were driven there by a mad welshman who drove us at top speeds in the most bone-shaking bus I have ever been on. By the time we reached our destination, at least three of us were ready to vomit (I get very travel sick at the best of times…)

As we drove to our first destination, I saw the sign ‘The Forest of Dean’ and I remember thinking that it was funny that the forest we were going to had the same name as the guy on my team who I seemed to be fated to keep spending time with.

We arrived in the Forest and were shown how to put on all the caving gear. We were taken to a ridge and to my horror, told that the cave we were going into was at the bottom of the drop, and so we had to be winched down to it. I was not impressed, and frankly quite terrified. They started lowering down the first group, who were going to do the most difficult cave first called ‘The Squeeze’. A couple of the guys went down the winch and I was thinking that I was not sure anything was going to be able to convince me to sit in that harness and be lowered over the edge of a cliff.

However, the guy doing the winching, a lovely if very quiet welshman called Barney, could obviously tell that the longer I had to watch everyone else go down, the harder it was going to be for me to do it, and he basically coerced me into the harness so that I could get it over with.

At the bottom there was a mini-group of us who went into ‘The Squeeze’. Dean was of course down there ready to go, and when it came to going through the cave, he jumped at the chance to go through first. As I was sat next to him outside the cave, I was to go through after him. The squeeze really was a squeeze… you had to lay down flat on your tummy, there wasnt room to move your head around – you had to hold it on its side and it stayed there until you were through, and you had to inch through the squeeze using your toes and fingers and wiggling pretty much!

As a group we then crawled around the various passageways of the cave for a while, before emerging into the fresh air and having to climb back up the cliff which we had been winched down.

It had been a really challenging day, and I do remember feeling that I had gotten to know Dean and Philip a lot better through our caving experience. We were due out on a caving challenge the next day too, and part of me was almost looking forward to it!

I thought it would be apt to save writing about this memory until today, as it is exactly a year since it happened. In fact, I shall be writing several memory updates on May – August 2007, as there were several things which happened that month which I remember so fondly and want to remember forever :o) And I dont want to put it all in one loooong post, so I hope this will break it up a little. And perhaps, BashfulC who does feature very prominently in these memories will also contirbute his version of events too :o)

And of course, for all of those who have wondered why BashfulCaver is called thus, will find out the truth through these entries ;o)

14th May 2007

I got up early on the 14th May as I was driving from Cambridge to near Ross-on-Wye in Herefordshire – thats covering 160 miles before 8am…

I was going to attend a 5 day ‘Leadership in Management’ residential training course. I knew very little about what I was going to be letting myself in for, but after a tough couple of months at work was looking forward to the time away.

I drove most of the way listening to my Mika CD, and due to a bit of a jam at Birmingham, and the fact I was trying to navigate via map whilst driving, was slightly later arriving than the 8am I was aiming for.

I dragged myself and my luggage from the carpark to the reception. As I walked in the front door, I looked into the room which was immediately on my right, to see a man who was sitting in the room on his own, casually on the sofa. We nodded a hello at each other and I went to check in.

My room was up on the 2nd floor, and to get there you had to cross through the dining room. All the people who had arrived the night before were there having breakfast. I went and quickly unpacked in the room, rang work about a couple of things I needed to speak to them about, and then went back down as I needed a medical checkup with the doctor before starting the course.

As I crossed the dining room again, I once again passed the man I had seen sat down when I walked in the building when I arrived. Then, after the check up from the doctor I passed him once again. I remember saying to him on the third occasion we had bumped into each other that we must be stalking each other!

Then all the delegates were called to meet in the hotel reception, where we were divided into three teams. The various team lists were called and we split up into our groups for tours of the site. Coincidentally, it turned out that the guy I had already seen 3 times that morning was in my team, as well as three other men (Phillip, Jes & Richard) and 2 women (Mic & Julie).

In our team room (we became the Green Team) we all had the introductions. Our course leader introduced himself first, and then we went around the room. The first of the delegates to introduce himself was, of course, the guy who I kept bumping into. He introduced himself as Dean, spoke a bit about his work background and in terms of home background, just described himself as single. The others in the group introduced themselves, most of whom were all coupled up or married. When it came around to me, I did the usual introductions, you know ‘Im Steph, 26, and Im single too’ then I made a joke about how it sounded like a dating agency advert.

Anyway, once the introductions were over, we were plunged straight into our first team task, and from there we learnt the format which the rest of the week was going to take. Task followed by debrief. We went from literally one task to the next with little time for breaks apart from lunch or dinner time.

By the end of the first day I was exhausted. However, I had been asked to find out from the team which members wanted to do which challenges over the next couple of days (you had to choose from climbing or caving and were meant to choose the thing which represented the biggest challenge). There were limited spaces on each challenge, so it involved a bit of number negotiation.

I was ‘happy’ to do either challenge as to be honest, I couldnt pick between them in terms of the challenge, as I knew Id find them both difficult. I ended up being left with Caving, which suited me fine, and meant that I would be going on the caving challenge the following day with Philip and Dean. It seemed fate had not quite finished throwing Dean & I together.

Dean and I had our first mini-break, and our second holiday together in Paris. It was a wonderful holiday and I was so sad when it was over. I geuinely loved nearly every second of it, and Dean & I really bonded and grew even closer on the trip.

We travelled vua Eurostar – my favourite way to get to Paris as it is so much less hassel than getting a flight – so quick and easy and brings you slap bang into the middle of Paris.

We had rented an appartment just off the Champs Elysees for the three days, and that turned out to be even better than I expected. It really was a little haven and sooo much better than staying in a hotel room :o)

Day one consisted mainly of travelling, and we reached our appartment at about 3pm (Paris time). We went out and bought a few essentials for the kitchen and then we went on a walk down and along the River Seine and back. On the way back we stopped at a Patisserie and had some yummy pastries. Then, being the tired pregnant woman, I had a long nap.

Then we went out to see Paris by night – which mainly consisted of going to the Trocadero to see the Eiffel Tower, and then walking down to the Tower to go up it. Our plan was not without hitch as the queue to go up it was huge, and we ended up standing for about 90 minutes, and I was feeling quite poorly by the time we reached our turn. All the people in tour groups kept getting prioritised above the people queuing normally, which was really irratating because it did mean we were standing in the freezing cold about twice as long as we should have been. Anyway, we did finally get up the Tower despite being knackered and a bit grumpy, and it was lovely to look over the whole of Paris at night.

Perhaps needless to say we went home after that (it was nearly midnight before we got into bed!) and went straight to sleep.

Day two, I woke up shattered! Luckily my lovely fiance made me a cup of tea and I had my cereal in bed, which gave me time to wake up properly :o)

We went up to Montmatre and both got our lucky charm bracelets en route to Sacre Coeur! We had a look around the church and were able to experience some of the full-works service. Before we left Montmatre we had a crepe and then it was onto the tube to see Notre Dame.

We had a wander around Notre Dame, which is just as lovely as Sacre Coeur but very different. Then we crossed the Seine, had a sandwich and took the tube to Place de la Concorde. There was a huge ferris wheel at the entrance to the Tuileries Gardens, and despite both being scared (me being very scared!) we went on the huge ferris wheel. It did have amazing views over Paris, but it was very scary when it stopped at the top to let more people on below!

Then we had a waffle (as a reward for surviving the ferris wheel obviously!) and walked through the Tuileries Gardens, up to the Louvre, and back again, walking to get the metro at the bottom of the Champs Elysees.

By this point we were both shattered, but we still wanted to go up to the Arc de’Triomphe and walk up it. So we just about managed to get the energy to go up the 284 steps (which doesnt sound like a lot, but we had done a LOT of walking, and I was pregnant at the time!!!)

Then we went back to the appartment, where I had another long sleep in order to try and regain some energy so that we could go out for dinner. Dean and I also had some of our own quality time ;o)

Then we found a little Italian place just off the Champs Elysees, which was within a very tiny walking distance (my main criteria for the evening) and affordable. The food was great, and we went home for more quality time.

Day three, we went to get breakfast from the Patisserie, and then ate it in the flat before we had to vacate it by 11am. It sounds odd, but it was a really special meal, and I was really sad to leave.

Anyway, then (carrying our bags with us) we went on one final wander round Paris before we had to head back to Gare du Nord and our Eurostar home. We went back to the Trocadero to see the view of the Eiffel Tower and over Paris in daylight, and then we went down to the Pompidou Centre, before ending up in a coffee shop in Les Halles shopping centre.

All the in all, the trip was WONDERFUL and I felt that it really brought Dean and I a little closer together. I didn’t feel like we were drifting before the trip or anything, I just really felt like it cemented us further, and it was so nice to have some quality alone time.

I definitely want to return to Paris with Dean again one day. Although I had been before, I feel that we created some really special memories there which I will cherish forever.