speak consciously... and hope the positivity filters into my thinking

I’ve recently reconnected with a friend with whom I’d fallen out of touch. Amanda and I used to be very close. We’d get together at least once a week to eat, watch bad TV or movies, and talk. About two years ago, she started to get involved in local theater again, which I wholeheartedly endorsed because she enjoys it so much and because she tends to be a homebody in the extreme and I thought it would be good for her to hang out with more people. As a result, we sort of… drifted apart, the way people do, I guess.

Anyway, I’ve really missed her lately, so I made a point of getting in touch with her and asking her to go to dinner and a movie last weekend. After the movie, we sat outside at Noodles & Co. (my new fave restaurant) and caught up on what’s been happening in each other’s lives. We’d emailed back and forth a few times beforehand, so I knew she’s had a ridiculously bad 2008 to date: One of her dogs died, and another one has gone blind; her furnace crapped out on her; a cart corral at Wal-Mart blew over onto her car and did some serious damage to the hood; her brother has been diagnosed with MS and has been in and out of the hospital… The litany of badness goes on and on, so I completely understand why she’s been holed up in her house avoiding not only me but everyone for months. On the other hand, it occured to me that she’s become incredibly bitter. I want to help her get out of this funk, rut, whatever and see the good in life again, but the negativity just came off her in waves. Every single thing out of her mouth was horribly negative, even when we were discussing inconsequential things. Should I let her wallow in her bitterness because so many things have gone wrong for her lately? I believe that negativity attracts more negativity and positivity attracts more positivity. It’s really hard to see her like this, but I don’t know what to do for her.

Since May, I’ve spent a lot of time with my maternal grandmother. She and Grandpa have been helping The Husband and me work on our house so we can put it up for sale by the end of the year. I’ve always known Grandma is a worrier, but I don’t think I really comprehended the true depths of her worrying until now. She worries about everything. I don’t think you can take that too literally. Although by no means exhaustive, here’s a list of the things she’s worried about recently: driving in Springfield (not a big city), that the semi-gloss paint is too shiny, my 24-yr-old brother driving to Florida alone, that she made the “wrong” kind of cookies, the price of ice cream (not joking), goose poop… I won’t go on. I’m trying not to turn this into a rant, and I’m sure you get the point.

I spent the past week in Florida visiting my mom at her new house in St. Pete. My Aunt Rhonda lives nearby and has been helping Mom get set up. To make a long story… somewhat less long, I’ll summarize by saying that Rhonda may be worse than Grandma, and even though Mom isn’t even in the same league as those two, she still worries about a ridiculous number of things that are way beyond her control. I’m guilty of it too, to a lesser degree.

What bothers me most is that the worrying translates into a constant barrage of negativity. My mom is at least aware of the tendency in herself and is trying very hard to correct it. Is it possible to avoid not only following in your foremothers’ genetic footsteps but also almost 3 decades of conditioning? I don’t want to be that way, and while I don’t think I am yet, it may just be a matter of time. I want to make a conscious effort to be more positive. This is a goal I’ve been working on for literal years, and according to Chris, I’ve made huge strides away from the sort of negativity and worrying I was subjected to over the past week, but I don’t want to backslide into the habit, especially since we’re moving to Florida to be closer to Mom and (inevitably) Rhonda.