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Sir Invictus (Estel)It is time!

Hey guys, I come here after a long time, and glad to see some of us are still posting, keeping this dead forum alive, loved to read Horatius’s wise words.

I have been doing good. In fact, for the first time, I now have control over everything. Don’t know what day is it as I don’t write here, but sometimes, it doesn’t matter. I know One day, we will remember this battle, and think of it as a bad dream.

My life is more disciplined now. I am pushing my willpower to have everything go my way and I have started tasting success. I have stopped watching porn. this is for the first time, I have taken this decision. In all my long streaks in the past, when extremely tempted, I used to open porn files and close them in few seconds before acting on it. and that is how I used to survive. but it’s all over now. I want to live in reality. I don’t want to lose respect for women. They are life. Though many girls we see around us are evil, these little creatures are beautiful.

THe struggle in my pesonal life is still going on. but I do believe that the world is a beautiful and one day, I will be in the right place.

Keep fighting the good fight guys. This will not only free us from this addiction, but make us a good human being. 1 day ago


Horatiusday 12

hello my scattered brothers! how’s life?? today is my 12th day of freedom from masturbation and porn.

fought another battle last night, but because i played my cards right beforehand it was not a serious one – just a skirmish. a fleeting, waning desire right before i got my prayers in for the evening.

what i’m not happy with however is the wet dream i had last night. rather gross actually, but alas that’s life.

and yet, there’s still some good news in this:

the dream wasn’t that pornographic
for four days i had temptations but didn’t act out on them

so i press on… past today, and into tomorrow.

until then. 3 days ago


Horatiusa few observations...

i honestly think that if people were not rewarded with a victory (over temptation) after making gambles that are dangerous to one’s streak, then they’d do a much better job of ultimately getting free. they’d start seeing the day’s engagements as beginning long before the actual temptation emerges. but instead they keep on kicking the can down the road, and the willpower debt for that day just piles up higher and higher. for me, too much coffee is a risk. i get edgy. sitting inside for too long is also a risk. mindlessly browsing the net is also a risk, as is procrastination.

you get this a lot in stock market trading. a guy makes a bad investment with poor strategy but the investment somehow pays off – he gets out either break even, or with profit. he feels rewarded for this, so he goes in and does it again. this time, not so lucky.

so maybe yesterday your shitty strategy of binging on alcohol with your friends paid off because you were able to fight off temptations, but maybe this time you won’t be so lucky.

anyway… a lot of this is making me think about creating a more effective accountability log.

this is why focusing on the small disciplines can be so powerful, because it actually gets the ball rolling with outmaneuvering the enemy. people always, always underestimate the power of momentum within a day. maybe you feel like total shit one day, but just getting dressed, shaving and cleaning up your room will make the difference for you. then choosing to have a glass of milk instead of juice for breakfast. and then slowly, bit by bit, excellence unfolds throughout the day. next thing you know, you’re staring down at your enemy from an insurmountable cliff.

okay! in the spirit of this, i notice what i must do for today:

tiny meal of fruit
go jogging
pray
eat healthy

to set off the chain reaction of excellent choices that will carry over into tomorrow, and then the day after that, and then the day after that.

to avoid:
sitting inside all day bored
spiritual apathy
eating too much food
too much internet
a cluttered mind when i do decide to pray
risking eating shitty food, such as candy
risking drinking alcohol by myself outta boredom

which would carry over into feeling like shit tomorrow. then it just carries over again and again.

you see? why fight a battle if you can avoid it altogether? and besides… i’d rather fight the easier battles now than risk facing down a monster this evening.

in spite of making a whole series of stupid decisions, i might still win against temptation. but is that really so great? how long before all of my gambling doesn’t pay off? and before you know it, i’ve ingrained a whole series of self-destructive coping mechanisms that are guaranteed to cripple my war effort for a long time to come.

oh! and you might think that not brushing your teeth will have no bearing on your ability to resist temptations later on, but it does. among many other things, it’s reinforcing a false belief that you are not in control, and are a victim of your circumstances.

it’s the horse that’s in control, and not you. or you can believe that this seemingly insurmountable wild beast of emotions – this stallion – can be worn down over time, and that it is your destiny to ride it. your heritage. your god-given right as a man. 4 days ago


Horatiusan update

hey guys,

the time has come for another update.

i am on day ten. i failed several times and looked up porn about thirteen days ago. it was a pit as you can imagine. i knew that more changes were in order, so i resurrected an old idea from about one year ago.

basically, i started looking at scientific and anatomical drawings of women, and even typed in things like STDs and whatnot.

the theory behind this is that if you take a CD and scratch a key all over it, then it will never play the same again at all.

when i look at these scientific drawings, and even the plainest naked photos of women i can find (stuff you’d find in an anatomy text book), it causes my mind to look at women no longer in a sexual way.

and as for the STD stuff, that activates a defense mechanism.

one could also look at surgeries if the above is not enough to overwrite old programming.

and if you think looking at STDs is gross, that’s the point. and just think about the spiritual disease you are spreading within yourself every time you look up porn. there are also some disgusting creatures (demons) attached to those images that are then given more power over you every time you indulge. (i would know, because i was face-fucked by one about two years ago. i’m not joking.)

it’s a glaze of beauty, but behind the facade is a rotting corpse that stinks of death. maybe if you plug your nose you can go in one more time and choose not to notice, or you can start to notice everything that doesn’t fit right with the illusions of sexiness that porn is trying to hypnotize you with.

if the enemy wants to use sensory and image manipulation to hijack your will, why not throw that live grenade back into their own fucking trench?

other than that, i took a break from all the socializing to work on my inner life. am also reducing my caffeine count further. to like 48 mg (from 64 – doesn’t sound like much but it is for someone who is caffeine sensitive such as myself). reason for this is reduced residual anxiety. i don’t need it.

i also wrote out a chart for every time i am tempted, but say no. i’ve had some skirmishes these past four days and maybe even a few big battles. but the biggest battles were actually not directly against this addiction, but for instance trying to force myself out of the house to go running. basically lifestyle choices that i know if neglected will lead to inevitable failure.

self-discipline does not exist in a vacuum – it is intimately tied to our health. an army might have the best soldiers and weapons, but without proper logistics it will falter. and without a proper general to command it, then even the greatest veterans will be wasted in bloodbaths. willpower is a precious, precious thing, so don’t waste it fighting avoidable battles. it’s always better to avoid a battle if you can, and then the enemy will be worn down by attrition as the war drags on.

you must choose where to fight them. but if you decide to mindlessly scroll facebook for 30 min, eat that piece of cake and then not go running after putting it off for two hours, then you are allowing the enemy to choose where to fight you. then you will have to fight a battle you didn’t need to fight, and waste willpower that you might have needed for tomorrow.

however, don’t turn this principle into an excuse. if you believe that you do or don’t have large reserves of willpower, then you are right.

“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.”

vince lombardi

anyway… when it comes to the socializing (talking to strangers and making new friends), i decided to just take it easy at four to five days a week, instead of six days a week. otherwise i exhaust myself and become like a dried up riverbed.

other than the caffeine reduction, i would also like to start running every morning. hopefully this combination, when coupled with focused prayer, will end my residual anxiety almost altogether.

other than that, my faith is still important to me. it must of course remain no. 1 if i too am going to remain no. 1.

other than that, i recommend that all of you guys write a letter to yourselves to look at when you’re seriously tempted.

cold showers are also good. people whine about them, but they work.

train yourself to do push ups every time you’re tempted. if you can’t do push ups, then learn. this is a minimal investment thing that could have a big payoff during those critical moments. maybe the motivation you need is to blast some bad-ass music while you’re at it.

also… every single one of you should have an emergency playlist of music that you can listen to to interrupt your state.

just anything to interrupt the hypnotism that plagues you. you gotta create your own melody to interrupt the melody that is once again trying to take your heart captive.

remember! real freedom is a choice, and the accumulated effect of choices rightly made.

“Excellence is an art won by training and habituation: we do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have these because we have acted rightly; ‘these virtues are formed in man by his doing the actions’; we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit: ‘the good of man is a working of the soul in the way of excellence in a complete life… for as it is not one swallow or one fine day that makes a spring, so it is not one day or a short time that makes a man blessed and happy’”

“We live in deeds, not years; in thoughts not breaths;

In feelings, not in figures on a dial.

We should count time by heart throbs.

He most lives

Who thinks most, feels the noblest, acts the best.”

“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.”

“If you’ll not settle for anything less than your best, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your lives.”

days without porn: 11
days without masturbation: 11

temptation to refusal ratio:

day 6
0

day 7
0

day 8
2/2

day 9
2/2

day 10
2/2

day 11
2/2 4 days ago


freshstart123End of day 3/ start of day 4

So I have given up nude videos/pictures since 1 March.
That’s a great improvement considering I used to watch that shjt every day. I’m gonna beat my record of no mb this time (32 days). I want to be an alpha male. 5 days ago


morethanaconqueror7=]

It’s been a while, hasn’t it. How’s everyone been? I hope good. By what I read and see, this forum is not what it once was when I was here. I guess that’s how life is, right? How’s Invictus? Does he still get on? If you see him, tell him I say hello =]

Well, a quick update on myself:

I still struggle with this, lately almost daily. I had stopped for a while but have never done as well as when I used to come on here and share my struggles with all of you. I think the best I have to record is about 5-6 days. It’s pathetic, I know. But despite my almost daily failures, there are areas in my life that I have succeeded in.

I’m currently attending school again, a goal that I always felt I couldn’t attain; I moved up at my job, I’m now a Lead; I read and write again and I communicate (although akwardly) with people more often. I go out more often than I used to with my girlfriend that I’ve been with for what’s going to be a year on May 5 (yes, 5 de Mayo). I’m learning the language of my ancestors which is Nahuatl, the tongue of the Aztecs.

This is still a demon I want to defeat, don’t get me wrong. I’m just not as focused on it as I used to be. You have to be careful that this demon doesn’t absorb you into it’s world because once it has you, it won’t let go. What I mean is that you have to pursue other things as hard as it is at first, but fight to find that passion in things you love to do! Fight the depression! You can’t defeat this addiction head on, you have to slowly erase it from your life.

Keep going…

I will post as often as I can. I hope to post at least once a week. I read Horatius post about a 90plan. I think I’m going to do the same… I’ve been thinking of giving up TV watching and even Facebook for about 40 days but 90 days sounds better to me =]

God bless. 5 days ago


Wolrage 1 week ago


chaos111 2 weeks ago


Horatiusvictory!

hey guys, thought it might be fruitful to give an update.

as it stands now, the Lord in me just beat back a wave of temptations. all i needed to do is rest and trust in his love. also just took communion.

approach therapy is also going well. my fear of strangers in my current setting is now almost gone… any less and i fear i may be a zombie. but god is not done working yet. i will learn to rest in his love more and more as the weeks and months roll by. glory to the father who changes the hearts of his servants.

i now enjoy a level of freedom and peace i never thought was possible. as for all the socializing, it makes one less sensitive to old triggers, and more sensitive to meeting new people, and having adventures. it hasn’t all been a walk in the park, but totally worth it and totally in alignment with my life’s purpose, which is to know intimately the love of god and share his love with others.

the variety in my life has also helped me to keep my diet under control… apparently all the emotional eating that i was doing before was because i wasn’t expressing my heart’s desire.

oh yeah… one thing i’d like to mention is that i now have much more faith in my own goodness. so now when someone doesn’t like me, it doesn’t phase me much anymore! i am very thankful to jesus for surrounding me with this bubble of peace and love. it is getting more powerful.

wow! a lot has changed in eight days of approaches. what a wonderful gift that god has given me.

and i might as well state my aspiration to reach 100 days without porn… i can do it so long as i believe it! that will be in early July.

“for it is god that works in [me] both to will and to do for his good pleasure.” 2 weeks ago


Horatiusthe flesh profits nothing... only god can deliver.

hey guys, it’s been too long. i was in another country without proper access to wifi and quite frankly, haven’t seen much purpose for this forum considering that it’s almost dead. but now, i’m on vacation for the next three months here, and in that time desire to permanently alter how i see the world around me. for one, i’d like to see a greater healing come into my life. i’d like to see, for instance, a total elimination of those dreaded mindsets:

shame
fear
lust

you see gentlemen, i know what the will of god is for me in this area, and i know that most Christians are selling themselves short.

the shalom peace that god promises us, for instance, is total peace and wholeness of being. it implies healing on every level.

and when it says that christ died for our salvation, the word used also means healing. so jesus died not only to save us in the next life, but also in this one. and that means the end of sickness and disease, and sickness of soul.

no Christian should be sick of soul, but that’s all i see. a people that perish for lack of knowledge.

anyway… my journey towards healing has not been as straightforward as i would have liked it… there ‘ve been failures sprinkled along the way for sure, and a return to my old emotional and spiritual pacifiers. porn being one of them.

that age has come to an end though, and the holy spirit is now birthing something new in my life.

i’ve kept on trying to beat this “addiction” (it’s really a sickness of the soul) by just abstaining, and living as i always lived when i was younger. for truth about the future, i frequently found myself looking to the past. well, quite frankly i can’t do that anymore. it’s suffocating, and the more breaths i take of this new freedom that god has arranged for me (from the inside out) the more i am beginning to find how i lived even a few days ago… a totally suffocating and unbearable prospect.

god did not create wild stallions to be locked in cages. but our cages are not physical – they are the self-imposed cages of mental and spiritual oppression, and until they are removed, we cannot be who we were intended to be. no wonder then that we are drugging ourselves. or at least that’s how it was for me.

so now that i am on vacation, i’ve got 90 days to spare and full access to wifi. that’s a lot of free time on my hands, and i’d like to spend it out on the street socializing with strangers, and making new connections. is there fear involved in this? you bet. is there failure and rejection? you better believe it. but god has been working on me, gentlemen. i’m not the scared little boy i sometimes still think myself to be. those monsters that fear and rejection used to be are just nagging little pains. i can smile in my anxiety. i know it’s there but that’s okay. and every day by the grace of god i am getting more skilled at managing it, and using it to propel me forward. and the more i continue down this exciting path, and the more i see the fruition of the dreams that god has put into my heart, then the less interesting porn and m’bation become as an escape for me.

so i have four goals for this season of my life:

goal no. 1
walk in the spirit every single day. i’ve actually created a chart for this, and like to rate how close i feel to god on each day. this chart ranges from red (totally in the flesh) to light blue (much in the spirit) and dark blue (very much in the spirit).

gentlemen, it’s no surprise that porn became an issue on those days that were red or yellow. but nothing was further from my mind on blue days. my aim now then is to have around 90 blue days in a row.

goal no. 2
force myself out onto the streets and approach people for a period of 90 days. but now approach is not enough – i’d like become more strategic and sensitive about how i do.

goal no. 3
abstain from porn for 90 days. if i masturbate a few times here and there that’s fine, but let me tell you how weak i am: all the vows in the world don’t matter one iota unless i am first a spiritual man, and live in a new way as god has shown me. otherwise the flesh profits nothing. i might be able to drag myself along in the flesh for a few extra weeks, but eventually i’ll just go back to my old ways unless i start living in a new way. what i’ve outlined above is that new way.

goal no. 4
live healthy.

i’m on a diet. my calorie intake is now around 1500 and will fluctuate, depending on how much food i need.

why? because pleasure receptors that have been satiated by rich food (and too much food) make the brain vulnerable to self-destructive temptations. why even bother having to fight a temptation when you can avoid it altogether?

and of course, exercise when i an manage it.
this might seem like a lot, but all of these goals strengthen and flow into each other quite naturally.

so today is day four for prayer and day three for approaches. i was scared but excited leading up to this, but now i am less scared. when the enemy strikes me i deflect his blows and fight back with the word of god. he doesn’t stand a chance if i have my spiritual armor on.

“No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.”

notice it says: “their righteousness is of me, saith the lord”

saith the lord.

says God about you.

God says that your righteousness is of Him. it does not depend on your own human effort. how much more so now that we are under the shed blood of christ?

so the lying voice of shame will come and say: you are not worthy. you can’t approach that person. you are not good enough.

now come into agreement Living Word and say:

I am the righteousness of God in Jesus. and you, lying voice of shame, are telling me that i am not good enough? get out of here.

now ask yourself: what does it mean to be righteous? i mean really think about it.

do you know what god says about those who are righteous in Him?

“And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.”

this is a promise that the righteous shall have peace. so rest now in the perfect righteousness of god and know that the lying judgements of Babylon shall no longer hold you in bondage.
so! through the lenses of pure love, and the lenses of the great I AM who has declared you righteous and holy, what is true about you? regardless of what the world might think about you, what is actually true, and what do you know about your own goodness?

if jesus thought you worth bleeding and dying for, then what power does the opinion of a mere man have over you? less than you think, and that is what i am progressively discovering more and more every day as i not only profess belief and trust, but also act as if those things that i profess are true. some matters in the heart can only be healed through doing, and not just saying.

it’s one thing to believe something intellectually, but another entirely to believe that same thing on a heart level. and it is the will of god that all who know Him be free!

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

anyway… i’ll keep you guys updated on my growth. i’ve got a long road ahead of me, but if can just consistently show up with a good attitude then success will be inevitable. (showing up is half the battle, as they say…) and as for the lord, He has already chosen me and picked me out for victory. Now i must choose Him. and not just once mind you, but i must re-choose Him every single day. anything less than that is not true love. and the inevitable result would be a wasting away of who i am. 3 weeks ago


freshstart123Day 0

Does anyone have some advice on how to avoid touching while in bed and not being able to sleep? 4 weeks ago


newlifebegins1992Untitled

hello guys Im back but with a different perspective Ive understood that i was somehow dreaming a nightmare and tonight Ive been awakened. From Right now i am awake and ready. guys i know how could you quit masturbating just whenever the urge comes before doing it say I seek Gods help. may this be helpful.I will come and say how many days im clean 4 weeks ago


nourthepancakeRestarting, Day 1 again

Failed again, and lasted only 1 day. 4 weeks ago


freshstart123Day 5

Feeling good. Nothing can stop me. 1 month ago


nourthepancakeRestarting, Today is Day 1 again

So far I’ve lasted 3 days only, but I’m assuming it’ll get better 1 month ago


freshstart123Day 3

No way back. I will finally be myself again after 13 years of fapping and 11 years of pornography. It’s motherf*cking gone!!! 1 month ago


nourthepancakeUntitled

I just started, lets see how long i can last. Goodluck everyone! 1 month ago


nourthepancake 1 month ago


freshstart123Day 1

So I just accidentaly formatted my hard drive while installing Linux Mint and that means all of the nude pics/vids I’ve collected are gone.
At first I was panicking, but then I thought, this is great!
This means I can finally stop watching that shit.

Day 1 of a new life! 1 month ago


k4170suicide denial

I love the Lord, and I fear Him
but my flesh is weak, and my mind is puzzled
sometimes my lust overcome my sanity

O Lord, can you please take me away?,
I am so sad that I becoming hypocrite too;
say that I love you, not prove with an act.

How can I get over with this cycle?
How can I understand every situation during the battle?
my body is getting weaker, because I fell so depress
lunch is not important for me anymore;
because I failed to be a good servant of God.

I lost 3 kg, I wasted 3 weeks
and I still not wake up from my dream
what should I do when the trials come, when I feel proud about myself
that I can do it in a week?

Lord, forgive my sins, for I have no more to say about this
you yourself examine my heart, you know the best for me.
perhaps, Can you take me with you when I won the battle? 1 month ago


change13Rollercoaser-Day1

I really pray for a week of victory for each and everyone of us! It’s tough few months and past few weeks not even being able to commit,but change starts now so here’s to getting off this cycle. 1 month ago


AryangorFebruary results:

M0 = 86%
M1+ = 14%
Times MO’ed: 4

It was probably the best result I ever had. I am very grateful and positive. Seriously, a year or two or three ago I had no idea I would be doing so well. But I just kept pushing, believing in myself and in my God who encouraged me. And look where I am today! Yay! 1 month ago


freshstart123Day 2

I will not fail this month. No PMO. 1 month ago


AryangorBreaking personal best

Just wanted to share the news with you!

I am on day 20 tonight and have broken my personal best of 17 days. I am very happy, grateful to Jesus and feel so blessed!

Victory, here we come! At any cost! 1 month ago


cause_and_effectRadical Measures

No computer + no smartphone = no internet access (for 18 days yet!)

I am writing this from my father’s computer.

This radical measure has helped me a lot. Not only does it keep me from giving in in diffcult moments until I am strong enough to handle them better. It has also improved my quality of life in general. I learn to appreciate the small things of everyday life. I am more focused on my goals – and I have more energy and motivation to work towards them.

For all of you who have struggled with this for too long: consider taking this step – at least for a few weeks. It’s not as hard as you think, and you will not regret it! 2 months ago


AryangorFebruary progress:

M0 = 60%
M1+ = 40%

Today I woke up with an urge, but nothing I could not deal with. IN general, the more I say NO to myself, the better I am at saying NO to myself. Practice makes perfect.

Yes, I do still fap occasionally, but I am moving forward, I know I am and my stats are a proof of that.

Going away for about 3 weeks – should make me even more busy and distracted… (as if I can get any busier!!) 2 months ago


Intothelight 91Day 0!

Damn! Started of to the year so well but I’m really struggling at the moment. Caved in after five days. Although I’m no longer doing it on a daily basis it’s not the point I want to completely quit masturbation, not do it once a week, once a month. I’m not going to let this relapse set me back. New day tomorrow, good luck and Godbless 2 months ago


AryangorFebruary progress:

M0 = 40%
M1+ = 60%
MO’ing: 6 times

The months began with a lekker binge! Today is day 2 for me and I don’t want to MO any more – depart!! 2 months ago


FreedomAwaits20Day 7

Alright made it to a week ! Now to week 2. 2 months ago


FreedomAwaits20Day 4

Minor Goal: 7 days
Major Goal: 2 weeks

Staying alert, week 1 here I come. 2 months ago


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