Be happy without being in love.

True happiness only comes from one’s own self. One can never find happiness from other people or from anything external. To start becoming joyful of aloneness, one must start loving oneself. It may take awhile; failures and disappointments in life should never threaten anybody’s will to the fulfillment of this goal. Let lonely moments become an encouragement and hope. It is you who can only help yourself, you may seek advice from dear ones but still the result only commences from your actions.

YES

I’m sick of going from one relationship to the next without ever knowing who I really am. I have spent the last year being single yet obsessed with a guy who never really cared. It was horrendous for my self confidence. Yet I realise that actually all the men I have dated have never really appreciated me and never really attempted to get to know me. And I think that was because I did not really know myself, I let them walk all over me. Do not make that mistake. Its much better to take some time to find out who you really are than to have it dictated to you by some loser who tries to mold you into his version of the ‘perfect woman’. It really is not worth it.Be proud to take some ‘you’time, to find yourself and realise that you are good enough just the way you are, and you do not need a man to make you feel good.

I’m in love with the idea of being in love. So I don’t know what life will be like without love. I need to let go…

I was browsing images for art and ended up on a mental health website of one of my favourite musicians. There was this quote on the page:

“Of course, I’d love to love somebody seriously…but I feel nobody would want to live with me.” – RJE

Wow… does my taste in music influence my outlook on life? Because I know people with similar tastes to me with completely opposite outlooks. Maybe I take things too seriously.

I think a lot of people see me as someone who doesn’t need to rely on others to be happy or reliant. How wrong they are. I’m hoping that improving the way I see myself will make me feel less need to have someone else around.

That I don’t have to not be in love at any point. It’s just that I want to be happy without needing love from anyone.

Contradictorary with my goals? because one of them is ‘be the kind of person I want to meet’ and then I have this one, which goes against meeting anyone. huh.

I just need to find something else to focus on. I don’t /want/ a boyfriend! (or a girlfriend, for that matter). But maybe it would be easier to be happy with someone there to make me happy…?

Okay. How sad and pathetic I’ve become. While waiting in line to vote, I bump into an old acquaintance. This acquaintance and I had a friendship but, I never saw it going anywhere romantically. Well, after not seeing him for over a year, I meet up with him and he proudly and gleefully, I might add, announces “and this is my wife!” I was completely blindsided (I recovered quickly though) said hello and shook her hand. Then Art felt compelled to have a few awkward words with me asking how I was—blah blah.

I am genuinely happy for him. He is a nice guy and it is great to see a nice guy finish first but, I just couldn’t help but feel sorry for myself. Afterall at this great age I did not expect to be single AND living at home. Yes, very very pathetic. Understandable in this economy and common here in Hawaii, but pathetic nonetheless.

Totally unrelated but, now that Art is married I bet Jesse has moved to California. It seems as if nothing is impossible except maybe me being happy without being in love.