invite friendship by living gracefully

I swapped numbers and lots and lots of details about outlooks and processess of thought with a new friend yesterday. We were introduced by my roommate Cstine, and it seems like this will be the begining of a bee-utiful friendship.
We’re already sort of maybe possibly planning a trip to seattle in december. :)
And I’m psyched about the meditation/buddhist group he hosts at his house. :)

we went to the community pool tonite to sit in the hot tub and ward off the ouch that we both know will be the result of today’s tango with a car…. cstine will live to cycle another day but her bike wont.
I’m glad to have her in my life, and to be her bud and do thigns like drink five alive out of juice boxes together.

I couldn’t imagine a better roommate. :)

I am a silly girl.
I was icky-uncomfortable and also strangely fem-empowered on halloween, dressed (out not up) and in a sticky situation that i should’ve avoided so as not to be thus-icky.

I was graceless and made mistakes, well perhaps i’m beating myselfup for naught… i wasn’t trying to impress anyone thats for sure and i managed to do the precise opposite… not entirely unlike me.
I forgive my actions and am not upset about the reprocussions of all that, i guess i feel weird about how irratically i was acting and how desperate for attention i felt.

Its something that underlies what i am, and i get that, but i’d really like to be a decent person while outside relationship and not a maniac… i’m not pro at that.
I really crave the balance of being in relationship, i crave feeling accepted, and included. I like my solo time and my solo persuits but I am pretty bad at relaxing when its just me on my own. I crave downtime, i crave touch and body heat and laughter. Its one of the only aspects of my life where i’m actually ‘DRIVEN’ i guess, and i wish that i could channel it into things like rrsp deposits and budgeting, alas, it only stresses me out half of what being single does. I’m actually thinking of investing in some hypnotherapy.. like ‘compassion is wealth, pay down your frets’ or something equally lame-rson. I know i know… MEDITATE! its cheaper!!!

It was kind of fun being a dirtbag… especially on halloween… It was slightly less fun to ruin my own reputation, but i feel like that had to happen, so, well done. In a city where no one will remember my name, it was good to get out of the rain. :)

thing one,
explaining my just not that into you feeling to one boy i don’t like so much.

thing two,
taking my damn foot out of my mouth and/or contemplating how it got in there in the first place with one boy i do like quite a bunch.

needs attention.
simmering at present.

I have had lots of thse in the past and feel like i really enjoy them, but there is something a little twisted about the relationships i have with them…. like i know that they would be interested if i were, or something… there is always a weird sexual tension that is just there, even after many many years of freindships in some cases.

I guess its flattering, but i don’t really know how to be freinds with boys otherwise and i would like to try and do that, to be platonic. To leave weirdness at the door and just chill.

:)

I got a hold of this friend of a friend who has a lot of similar interests to me and we are probably going to try and hang out. I am going to be doing my damnest not to get emmotionally tied up in anything unless it really feels right because frankly i am apt to ‘fall into’ something wether or not it is good for me, and because i would like to keep this particular friend around. :)

Anyway, there will be fun had, and time shared. :)

i dont’ know whats up with it, but i am self conscious and strange at work. I have about 90 co-workers and work in the back corner-butt of the building and so don’t have much chance to interact with them… or learn their names, but i get shy and quiet in the lunchroom instead of feeling relaxed. I used to spend my lunchours in the basement lunchroom at DFO and make polite conversation, what is different.

I feel a bit like a fish out of water, not being a musician but that doesn’t mean i’m not interested in music or their particular lifestyles, i’m sure there is more to have in common than chords and keyboards.

I need to be a bit more open and open minded, to ask more questions and compliment more often. I am a full time staff member and it would be hella cool to get a chance to spend some time outside work with these people who are i’m certain interesting and who above all have a knowledge of the city that i’ve just moved to.

Just make eye contact and say hello. That’s a start.

I forgot that living with someone can be trying sometimes.

I am up for the challenge, I embrace it even, but i need to remember to take time for myself and to state what i need when it comes down to something making me uncomfortable.

I had been ‘bothered’ by things up until this week in a vague kind of way and finally i just spewed them out in a big hairy akward clump and that sucks. I should rather have been more upfront and aware of the thigns that were getting under my skin previous to the bubble burst.

I need to be more attentive to my own balance to make life more harmonious at home. That is all. Until further notice i think i’ve been being a pretty decent and consciencious roommate, and its fun!

:)

remember how to play flute and then add-lib to a jam session all at once

make everyone laugh by saying the right thing at the right time in a big group conversation

engage in conversation whenever/wherever and have something to say

be argumentative but still make you feel like you were understood and your opinion was valued

laugh at themself if the wrong words come out and make it all go away

look forward to getting better and better at this ‘socializing’ thing as the years pass and have a grand time all the while.

:)

Tonite was LOVE

Seriously

Its amazing that i’ve only been here in Vancouver for 3 months, i can’t beleive the luck and love i have found here!

I went to a party last night and once again found my self surrounded by lovely interesting and engaging people! I feel like its partly the place and partly who i am now and partly luck or karma or something but in any case i am so HAPPY!

Today i went to a bee keeping seminar thing that a friend invited me to and it was Fantastic! its right up my alley and i keep finding myself living the life i had always wished for for myself which is extraordinary since i have often felt thwarted by some circumstance that kept this from happening in every other situation, phase and lifestlye i’ve had.

I am thinking of volunteering at the cultural centre down the street from my new fabulous apartment and i’m taking a ceramics course come september and and and!!!

I had lunch with my friend jill to top it all off and we had a great talk about friendship and how much we like spending time together. Its so mutual and i hope this is the begining of a beautiful and lasting freindship!

HOORAH!!!

she is my fab housemate and has been troubled with some life stuff lately and thats blah, but she’ll be okay and i think she felt better to be in my company today.

We made dinner and chatted and then we went a few blocks down and visited some of her friends and i met some really great people who i think will be allies of my in future days… and people i can invite to my housewarming party.

Jill spoke of how glad she was that i was so social and easy going and how glad she was that we went even though she was feeling a bit anti-social.

I’m glad to have helped make her day better and i’m even gladder to be so included in her life and to have met some new wonderful people as a perk of that!