Stop hurting people

i just did it again. slapped him in the face in public. i feel sorry but its too late. i dont want to do it again. i dont want to hurt him physically and emotionally again… i dont know how.. it’s just that my temper is getting over me wheneve we fight. i want to talk to someone about this. i hate myself for doing suchh things. i want this relationship to work for us and for our kid.

I’ve been having severe anxiety over the people I’ve hurt in my past. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore ..
I just pray that I’ll be able to see mistaken logic before I act in the future.

is to cut ties with everyone. And start anew.

I want to move out of this town so badly. I never thought I would be one of those people – the kind that runs away from all their problems. I thank my parents’ lack in communication skills. I’m always running.

...but I never really know what I’m running from?

I dont know why I seem to get off on realizing I can make people hurt. But I do and I hate it..

...I should have just answered the phone.

I wish I had.

We haven’t seen eachother in weeks…

but he’s in my dreams every night.

(and from a recent text message, I’m in his too)

I just want to stop hurting everyone, so I’ve cut all ties.

This feels so wrong

A friend that I haven’t talked to in a while has found me on here and has lended me her hand and guidance via comment on 43things. Though she said nothing harmful, her words made me cry.

I want to hug her.

I’m afraid I’ll hurt her like I hurt everyone else.

Oh my goodness, I am flipping out. It is so pathetic to me that I am turning to thousands of strangers on the Internet for guidance, but I feel I have nothing else. I haven’t really eaten in 2 days and I am falling into old habits again. I want to cut. I’m purging again. I’m out of control – and I have no one to talk to. I will break my mother’s heart and she will tighten her leash on me if I confide in her the way I would like to; and it hurts to not be completely honest with her. I am hurting people everywhere I go. I’m poisonous. I should wear a caution label on my chest. I want to lock myself in my room until this goes away – but will it ever really go away??

I have come to realize that I am never going to change. I am a selfish, inconciderate person. I am so indicisive and i do just whatever makes me happy at the time without thinking about who i am hurting. what upsets me the most is I have no remorce about the things i do. I wanna be better…ive tried. i guess its true people dont change.