overcome depression and anxiety

I really wish sometimes there was a way that we could deliberately forget of erase memories from the brain. Just like a computer. Don’t like something? Delete.
There are so many things in my life I would love to forget. They come back to me and create anxiety and depression. They just come sometimes, and I can’t stand it.

I go see the sleep doctor for the first time.

Back on medication again – Lexapro. And 4 days later, I’m somewhat productive. Damn it.

My name is Stacy, and I sufer from chronic depression.

Was a raging bitch this evening. Made my 10 yr old cry, and when his dad got home he told on me. So my husband gave me a firm talking to – the usual one about not being such a raging bitch to my child. Again.

Later, I cooked a delicious meal and helped son put together a project without being a bitch. Much. Progess? I think so.

Still feel like cutting someone. And cursing. While cutting someone. I swear, if I wasn’t so emotionally retarded as a teenager, I would have killed someone by now.

The goal is to overcome depression and anxiety—not be cured. These are issues and emotions I will deal with for the rest of my life. But, after much soul searching, some lifestyle changes, and therapy, I’ve finally learned how to move through anxiety to achieve my goals. As a result, the depression is also losing its grip on me. I now have the tools to cope with whatever life throws at me.

So, with all that said, it’s time to cross this off my list.

My period is usually the worst time, and even if I am not going through a bad patch, I usually go to pieces during that time of the month. I used to take Xanax for about three days every month, and now that I can’t afford the medication, I get sidelined once a month, as I have been since this damn thing started when I was 11. This month, I have not seen the usual signs. Cramps, sure, but no overwhelming irritability and irrational rage, and I don’t feel like I could just curl up and die right now. So, this is good.

I’m 23 years old…I being dated a girl for 5 years! just recently she left me… I haven’t felt so alone in my LIFE! I feel there’s no one out there for me…I feel very depressed/alone/scared… I lost about 15lbs…I can’t hardly eat/sleep…and each time I eat I feel like I’m going to throw it back up! That’s my other fear I have…
when I finish eating something…I get an anxiety attack…hard to breath hard to stand up…feel like I’m going to die…then after I feel ALONE/SCARED… my ex g/f was all ways there for me…now she’s gone out of life! My family said its all in my mind..and there a lot of fish in the sea! I went into a relationship when I was just turning 18…so I never got the chance to explore.. My mom said I should of stop you guys for going out! it was to early to go into serious relationship ! I’m so lonely.. can any help me overcome this? I tired feeling this way… I cry over the phone talking to my sister! it felt a little better…but I want to move on with my life..

That was when I adopted Regis. He should still be here with me, damn it. :(

I miss you so much, Reeg. You were and are a very special little dog.

I was really upset this afternoon. I went to Ikea, which was upsetting because I saw a couple of Pug pictures and had to fight back tears. Also, I was with my sister who always complains about money, which was a reminder of my own financial situation (not working due to health problems and lack of a driver’s license). I’d been in such a good mood over the past week and that good mood just shattered, as easily as a balloon can be popped.

So, when my sister dropped me off at home, I went to the living room and talked to my mother. I was crying pretty hard when my two-year-old niece came up to me and said, “Don’t cry, Aunt Jen. It’s okay.” Aww.

At that point, I realized that I needed to stop worrying so much about my current situation and start looking for solutions instead. I often make myself sick with stress (stomach problems, leg cramps, headaches) over issues that can be fixed with a little patience and perseverance. There’s no reason to keep torturing myself over such things!

Here we go. The holiday gathering. My mother is recovering from minor brain surgery and is not supposed to be getting upset, but it will happen. So the best thing to do is just to let her rest, right? No, we have to go to her place for Easter. Were just too dysfunctional.
I have a brother in law that carries a gun, another that harasses his wife and 2 mentally handicapped kids. My other sister is a shrew, who somehow thinks that fact the fact that I’m bipolar is the reason why her son has Asperger’s. This despite the fact that she drank during pregnancy and nursing. As a result, I am not allowed much contact with him. Although she shows him off, trying to get people to pity her for having a son like that.
Sound like fun? No wonder I try to find excuses to stay away. One of those times I honestly wish I was adopted or something.