stop self-harming

i have been selfharming for a long time now i am 15 and just want to stop. i am finding it hard since my best friend left on friday i dont know what to do about it anymore selfharm has become a part of me and i ust want to stop but i cant.

that i cant cope without doing it. i know it sounds pathetic but im addicted. im only 14 and alreaddy my left arm is covered in horrible scars. i need to find an alternative. walking usualy helps me, but lately things have got so hard i dont think i can take it =/. i really need some help right now.

i hate myself.

really needs to happen. I was so depressed last night and im not even sure if it was a suicide attempt or not but i cut my arm alot deeper than am used too. It cut straight through the layer of skin and the skin just fell open. its still very open and woundy this morning. it reminded me of something from a horror film it was so gross. I hope it doesnt scar too bad or take long to heal.

my family will be so ashamed.

( i know, this is pathetic, as usual. depressed over a guy)

I took my first anti depressant today, i hope i can push through the hard stage and eventually be ok.

i managed to stop for nearly a week… ive been cutting my legs repeatedly (as in maybe 10-20 times a night?) most nights for about 3 weeks. before that it wasnt so frequent, just 4-5….
it seems so huge, but i managed to stop for a week because i had like, 6 days to let the scars heal so people wouldnt see them (i found out very suddenly i had to dance in a short dress without tights).
at the moment im trying to go for a month… i dontknow if ill get there, but im trying.

i’ll get there eventually, 100 days tomorrow (22nd april)

it’s hard damn it :’(
need more strength than i though

Well most people think i jst self-harm fot the attention but i dont i dont tell any1 about but one person finds out everybody else does..you just wana be isolated away from everyone you know where you dont belong..your mates try to be there for you bout you push them away they wont understand how you feel how much pain your goin through…i dunno what i would do if my mates did it…but when its me i dont care i should hurt myself i dont deserve to be hear its what i get all the time…when i get hit you should die you dont belong here anymore..nobody wants you we dont want you nomore your a failure you’re not apart of this family we hate you…you like i dont wana be here i cut myself when i become depressed not happy not wanting to be here…i just want some1 i can talk 2 who will listen to me without judging me

ive done it
it was hard but its done