stop being a victim.

I really do believe that the things that have happened to me are disapointing, and sometimes even tragic, but I have continued to let this go on for far too long.

Yes, when I was younger my life was hard, I was sexually abused as a child, raped multiple times, and abandoned by family. I didn’t know my birth parents until a couple of years ago and all of it, well it made my life a living hell.

But. I can’t continue living as though things can’t change. Because. They can. And I am no longer a little kid who was at the mercy of other people’s decision making.

Letting go of my feelings of helplessness will let me step into a new life where I have control over my life and my decisions.

I can’t always predict what will happen, but I know where there is a will there is a way. I am forgetting just how strong I am when I think of the world as a place that is “out to hurt me”.

The world is out to hurt me as much as it is out to help me. It is up to me to determine what is the best places to travel.live.explore, places that will helpe me grow a better sense of self-confidence.

I will never not acknowledge that life was once very hard or that things have hurt me and still may subconsciously affect my behavior, but to let these things affect my conscious behavior, that is a pity.

Because I have fought so hard to be a live, to be healthy and to be me.

SO even if I press the enter button and this post returns with a page saying error and a lose this letter, I need to start learning that I need to take that risk. I need to learn a new mantra that isn’t “this shit always happens to me”. Something that is a little bit more realistic, more positive that makes room for the possibility of disapointments but also makes room for success, triumph the pay off of hard work and parts of myself I have forgotten through the years of my victim hood.

thanks!

jooyoung

It’s about time i took responsibilty for my life!

It’s ongoing, but it’s a lot better than it used to be.

hi guys i dont want to be a vitum becuse now im a were wolf any guys around here one ill like to meet some one of my coualther do not bug me i am -.-

So yes Life is a stage and we are the actors.. I have been brilliantly casted in the roll of the victim and I must say that I have been doing a phenominal job. but lately I have gotten bored with being extra number 43.. the pitafull victim.. and I have decided that I want a lead role in my life.. where I play the sexy young thing that makes lots of money and has a boyfriend who only get’s to say ” Yes”.. to everything.. and if he dosen’t… well then we can always kill him of in a car accident and replace him with a better looking actor?? It’s a wonderful play.!! hehehe

It’s hard to believe that someone you trusted so fully could turn out to be such a total… psycho. It’s hard to believe that you could be naive enough to buy into all of the things that, looking back, you should have known were lies. I can’t understand how I didn’t see the blank, emotionless stare behind the facade. I don’t believe any of it sometimes… but it’s all true, and I’m over it. You just have to remind yourself how much better off you are, and you ARE better off. Let yourself be happy, because that is exactly what the creep was shamelessly sucking away from you.

DON’T tell yourself that maybe you just “didn’t give them a chance.” Don’t put up with it, you don’t deserve it.

Let go. Move on. Put the energy in yourself instead.

<3 much love...

He thinks I need to become a survivor, stop beating myself up emotionally, stop letting my memories control my thoughts and more.
I am a victim, and my past continues to victimize me years later, and it’s a problem, and it hurts, a lot, makes me want to die or at least hurt myself. I really don’t know what to do. Robin says it’s not about forgiving them or forgetting what happened. I just need to get myself to the point where if a bad memory comes to mind, or if something reminds me of the abuses i’ve suffered, that I don’t freak out, that it doesn’t even bother me. That’s what he says, but how? He can’t tell me, he’s still got post-traumatic stress over a period of his life that started only a few years ago.

does anyone have any ideas? I know I need to get a new psych, but really, what can they do? Gotta find one much better than the ones I’ve had in the past, many who met with me while abuse was going on, but never caught on or did anything

I’m tired of trying to take care of everyone else’s problems, or automatically being the one to blame for when everything goes wrong. Maybe, just maybe, it isn’t always my fault.