confess how i truly feel

My eye color is changing, strange, very strange!

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can’t just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can’t believe I couldn’t see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don’t let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

I see nothing in your eyes
And the more I see the less I like
Is it over yet?
In my head

I know nothing of your kind
And I won’t reveal your evil mind
Is it over yet?
I can’t win

You take the breath right out of me
And left a hole where my heart should be
I’ve gotta fight just to make it through
Cause you will be the death of me

This will be all over soon
Pour the salt into the open wound
Is it over yet?
Let me out

You take the breath right out of me
And left a hole where my heart should be
I’ve gotta fight just to make it through
Cause you will be the death of me

take take take
just keep taking
till there’s nothing
nothing left of me

I’m waiting
I’m praying
Realize
You take the breath right out of me
And left a hole where my heart should be
I’ve gotta fight just to make it through
Cause you will be the death of me

Your softened hands
are the sweetest instruments
of healing to my heart.

Your tender embrace
fills me with happiness
unknown by any other.

Your lips of velvet
smooth as silk
taste sweeter than the finest honey.

Your alluring eyes,
deep wells of jade,
have set my heart ablaze.

Your soft voice
is a whisper of life
to my yearning soul.

Your laughter
is as a blossom
of beauty in my mind.

Your touch
a fire kindled
gives my life its savor.

Your precious heart
is a prize
greater than any other.

Your love is a gift
so great a treasure,
worth far more than rubies.

I long for your gentle touch,
to start within a fire,
that cannot be quenched.

I yearn for your lips
to meet mine
in love and linger for a while.

I love you
most uncontrollably
and relentlessly.

I long for your love
true to be as surely
as the day longs for the night.

I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I’d never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I’ll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

ok. so this is a very long blog. or i think it will be. its kinda wierd, but this is like one of my goals in life. i just want to get it off my chest, and if you have any problems with it, just let me know. this is kinda a personal thing, and im putting it up here b/c who knows? you might be interested. you’ve read this far, why not continue?

RELATIONSHIPS
-with God. it is something personal. im never going to force my beliefs down your throat. i just think that God is a priority. he is always there for me, and i know that i can trust him with my entire life.
-with friends. ok i know most of all that its really easy to get sick of someone that you are hanging out with a lot. its also really easy to hurt someone close to you, whether you mean to or not. so im urging you to be careful. ive been hurt over and over again by people i chose as my friends. most of the time i think i havent learned my lesson cuz im still basically friends with these people. but its completely a mutual thing, you can let ANYONE make you feel bad, but its completely up to you if you wanna let it bother you. if the reason you are hurt is still in your heart, and its rotten, you should come to peace with it. i havent always done this, so im not a fine example, but im trying.
-with people you like. im the worst at this. personally, i get really giddy and i dont act like myself at all. im normally talkative, and i like to interact with others. i love giving my opinions, but i never ever do this around people i like, because i always am afraid that i’ll end up hurt. but once again, im NOT the example to follow. be yourself. if the person you like doesnt like you, accept it.
*a note about this: if this is keeping you from other relationships, it can be a very good thing, because if all you’ll have is one thing you end up forgetting all the others. exersize caution.
-people that like you. DO NOT LEAD OTHERS ON. ok, this is the one thing on earth that pisses me off so freakin much. i hate it when there are mistakes in how you think someone is treating you. i wish everyone would just let you know before you tell them anything. because if you are interested in someone, remember that it is not a forsure thing that they know how they make you feel. i end up hurting people cuz of this, and its soooo painful to have to tell someone how you feel when it doesnt match how they feel.
-the world in general. Be in the world, but not of it. dont participate in things that are so-called Cool if you dont really believe in them.
-family. ok, im not good with this at all. so dont think im a hypocrite. this is just my ideal of how a family relationship should be. you should love one another. thats all. im not good at being a loving person, and i take things to heart way too much. so just realize that your family is always gonna be related to you. there is nothing you can do about it in your heart. sure, there are actions you can take to make it seem like they arent your family. but every action means nothing when it comes to this.

FEAR: im a big scaredy cat. its not a good thing, and i do it all the time. im afraid of what people think about me. im afraid of heights. im afraid of spiders, robbers, tornadoes, boats, and scary dogs. im afraid of scary movies, and sometimes the dark. im afraid of looking at myself and just letting myself be me. but fear can govern you so easily. it is definitely what gives others power over you. not good. trust god that everything will be alright in the end. but remember, you have to trust your gut in the end. if theres something that scares you, it is for a reason.

HYPOCRITES: im one of them. so are you. everyone is. dont call someone this. rebuke them in a christly way, because most hypocrites dont realize what they are doing and what they are preaching is different. and dont say that all the people of a certain religion are hypocrites. because everyone on earth has done this at some point. its a natural thing, chill out, and if it really bothers you that much just let them know.

LYING: in one of my favorite books The Kiterunner, Baba hates liars most of all because they are stealing someones chance at the truth. but he himself is a liar. dont keep secrets, because this, too, is lying. be as honest as possible, because it is usually right. however, if you know the truth is going to be very painful for someone, dont be callous about it. sometimes it is necessary to wait for the proper time to reveal the truth.

TALKING CRAP: once again, ive done this. but i wanna be the first to say, this can hurt so much. even if you follow it up by “just kidding” or “i thought you knew” it is still an awful thing to do. DO NOT DO THIS!

GOSSIP: is the same thing as talking crap. its equally as bad. dont try to slap this name on it.

CONTROVERSY: i have my own ideas about abortion, gay rights, evolution, religion, and stem cell research. i have studied them. i do know my personal opinions. but everyone is entitled to believe what they want.

last of all, i want to encourage everyone to be truthful in how they feel. i have been, and it really feels good to let people know. i am NOT better than any one of you. i have done everything on this list, and im not proud of it. im just letting you know that even if i repeat my follies, i will still believe this.

I don’t have a confession about love or anything really. I just want to be more truthful to people instead of hiding myself from people who could help me or become great friends.

This will me one of my greatest accomplishments because it would be one of my hardest. I want to be me but ….......

I didnt get the reaction i had hoped for, but u kno what i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and i feel much better now! It was worth it, it wasnt easy but then again most things that are worth it arent!

Sometimes, I wish I could tell my friends that I don’t like them very much. That, some of them, they’re only temps- I’m waiting for something better to come by. And it’s not that I’m trying to be mean, because I’m not. It’s just, sometimes we have to work with what we’ve got, you know? I’m sure I’m not always what they want either…in fact, I’m almost positive.

oh man, that’s fucked up, right?
friendship shouldn’t really be like that.