live honestly

I admire people who are positive and can express themselves honestly to the people in their lives. Not sharing your feelings creates anxiousness within yourself. And, life is too short, why not let people get to know the real you, for better or worse. It’s how you build real friendships, and real friendships are the ones that last.

I work on this everyday and it is always a struggle. I look around and see people living dishonest lives and it drives me crazy, and it’s so easy to slip and just give in… but I won’t.

About being honest is when you hurt someone else. I broke up with my boyfriend last night and it is devastating to have to break someone else’s heart…I think I prefer being broken up with…at least your response is clear, the responsibility for making a mistake, if it is a mistake, will lie with the person breaking up with you…I far prefer being the martyr…knowing that in time I will get over it and that they will realise the mistake they made and then it will be too late…

Its not as much fun on the other side though…you feel the same pain, the same loss, but in addition you feel guilt and remorse and more often than not doubt about whether you really did the right thing… I promised myself that I would avoid cliches as far as possible, no “its not you, its me” or “can we still be friends”. And I did. I didnt deserve to feel fine after the conversation, you are not entitled to make yourself feel better at the expense of the person you are hurting. It should be cut, over, final. We left it with “we’ll speak when we are ready” which is already more than you have a right to ask…
Am I happy? No. Did I do the right thing? I dont know.

That something like this would be easy…but what does living honestly really entail? Is it being open and honest about your desires and actions, is it about never not saying what you feel? What about those times when your honest opinion could really hurt someone…

I think that the concept of honesty in “The Magus” is the one that has come closest to the way I want to live my life…
It is twofold:- 1. To always be honest AND 2. not to inflict more pain than is absolutely necessary.

And therein lies the control…you cannot abdicate responsibility for your actions simply by being ‘honest’, there is a greater duty on you to act in a manner that avoids causing undue pain…

Today I am thinking, why bother? If I live honestly in a world of dishonest people (mostly) I may be able to look at myself square in the mirror but have everyone else in my life hate me. At my job I am trying to live honestly. I am trying to follow the rules and do a good job and give 100%. Constantly I am confronted by people not giving 100%, not being honest, not caring enough to do a good job. It is extremely demoralizing. I actually cried about it today, at work, in front of all my co-workers. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I know living honestly is the best thing to do, be genuine, help others… I just don’t feel that I am changing anything. I feel really sad about this.

my favourite compliment ever given was a friend who told me she always associated one word with each person she knew—and my word was “truth”.

living honestly and with integrity is a constant struggle; one I’m proud of, but one that I’m never sure is entirely conquered. It is far too easy to not be truthful, to bite one’s tongue, to skirt around the edges of an issue or to tell a small lie in order to save time, effort or humiliation.

and sometimes I think living honestly is one of the most painful ways of living at all.

The alternative is not worth doing.

I feel like this is so hard to do! I feel like keeping my self from people all the time…I just dont know how to express all that I feel….and then when I find the words, I dont think anyone wants to listen.