"Difficult facing my own fears and doubts to become just myself."
How I did it: I've spent the better part of my teens, twenties trying to be the best person that I could be that would make me look good in other people's eyes.
That in turn, stifled me. Unhappy. Always unsure about myself.
How I did it.
*sigh*
after years of self abuse,
I finally had it.
With the help of my doc,
I developed techniques to stop myself when I started to be a golden boy in other people;'s eyes.
Started accepting myself for who I am and living with the decisions that I made. I told myself that I can accept the consequences of my actions as long as that action was the one I wanted to make.
This was a lifelong habit in my mind. And as my doc put it "habits aren't broken in a day"
So here I am.
I still struggle from time to time. But it's a lot easier to rid the thoughts that do not contribute to my happiness.
It's been a few months of actively work on it.
But oh God... How freeing it feels.
It's as if I've lived with a heavy brick on top of my belly and wasn't able to take a deep breath.
Lessons & tips: Baby steps.
You don't learn to swim by jumping off the pier in to the ocean.
It's dreary to keep stopping your own mind from chugging away.
If your method isn't working, find something else that will stop your train of thought.
And it's okay to let yourself fall back in to your old self.
I know it can be draining.
There's no right or wrong way to go about doing this. But it's important to take the steps toward the direction you want to go.
And it gets easier. I assure you. Life gets much more interesting when you live for youself.
Much more. :)
Resources: Don't have any.
One thing my doc told me was,
Don't go to the deep end. Just because something isn't working 100% doesn't mean it's useless. It just means you need to supplement what you are doing to change your habit.
Someone who can reflect on who you are and what you are doing.
A friend who is subjective, a shrink.
Anyone who will tell you cut and dry.
Dec 31, 2008, 07:17PM PST
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