Creative Use of Language (quotes, phrases, figures of speech)

1. If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you’ve never been in bed with a mosquito.

1. Only daring speculation can lead us further and not accumulation of facts.
2. Reason is the slave of the passions – Hume

• NPR

http://www.talkers.com/main/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=19&Itemid=44

• Dennis Miller
• Al Franken
• Dennis Miller
• Bill Maher
• Jay Leno
• David Letterman

• Rush Limbaugh
  – half hour news hour
• Bill OReilly
• Matt Drudge
• Ann Coulter

• Russell Peters

Einstein

Commonly used categories for metaphors and analogies -

• Sports
• War
• Business

• Kids
• Women
• Teenage kids
• Old age parents
• Neigbours
• Pets

• Government
• Utility companies
• Life events

• Famous Personalities
• Large cities
• Famous Structures
• Stereotypes
• Movies

• Science, physics
• Weather

1. There’s no such thing as right and wrong; just popular opinion
2. You are a total nutcase, completely deranged, delusional, paranoid. Your thought process is all fucked up. Your information tray is jammed, man!
3. There is no such thing as bacteria or germs. Germs is a plot made up so they could sell disinfectants and soaps

If someone is mean to you, diffuse it by acceptinig it, revert it back on the mean person, shift the topic, or shift the attention to someone else -

1. “Ohhh, is that how you feel ? What else do you feel”... try acting like a psychiatrist…. looks like you need some counselling. Let me give you a number…”
2. “Oops…Did I touch a raw nerve there ?”
3. “Ooh…there’s some hidden sensitivity there…”
4. Are you always mean and caustic, or do you just envy me ?”
5. Congratulations ! You are the first one to spot that. Let me give you a dollar for that discovery”
6. “Hey, your nose reminds me of an anteater”
7. “Why does your mouth look like an active volcano” Is it just me ?
8. “Help, help, somebody save me ! somebody put out the fire”

1. “How much do you weigh ?”
2. “What school did you go to?”
3. “Why exactly did xyz marry you ?”
4. “Are you still married?”...
5. “You used to be alrite when we first met..what happened since then..”
6. “Are you having a bad day?”
7. “Are you angry ? You need some cold water?”
8. “What male habit of yours annoys your husband more ? Picking your nose, or scratching your butt”
9. “This is great food….for seagulls”
10. “Your body resembles an economy size toothpaste in a teenager girls bathroom. Squeezed impatiently from random places, it acquires a shape of its own, difficult to be described by the most accomplished geometrician”
11. “I am amazed that xyz is still married to you”

1. “I can’t bear fools” – “that’s weird. Your mother could”
2. “If you were my husband, I would put poison in your tea” “If I were your husband, I would drink it”
3. “The first rule is not to write like xyz (or not to offend xyz)...the 2nd and 3rd rules are the same”
4. “Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without the accordian”
5. “Americans always try to do the right thing. After we have tried everything else”
6. “America is a melting pot. The people at the bottom get burnt and the scum floats to the top”
7. “The difference between LA and yogurt is that yogurt has a culture”
8. “I know why the sun never sets on the British empire. God wouldn’t trust an Englishman in the dark”
9. “Poor Mexico. So far from God and so near US”
10. “If I owned Texas and Hell. I would rent out Texas and live in hell”
11. “In India “cold weather” is merely a conventional phrase, and has come into use through the necessity of having a way to distinguish in some way between weather which will melt the door knobs and weather which will only make it mushy” – Mark Twain
12. “You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does”

1. You arrogant, sour, chauvinistic egomaniac.
2. You stupid, fucking, bastard.
3. You have many talents, all of them meaningless though
4. You are good at so many things, all of them put together don’t contribute to the society though.
5. “Do you have to leave so early”
   “No but I choose to”
6. May be its your teeth, may be its your hair, may be its your tummy, something about you really bothers me…wait, I know its your stupid brain (or fucking ego).
7. His ears make him look like a taxicab with both doors open.
8. Why do you sound like your mouth is full of toilet paper.
9. You are opinionated and a chauvinist.
   - Are you trying to get a sympathy vote here ?
   - Pack your bags and get the fuck out of my house.
   - Why don’t you shut up and get the fuck out of my face.
   -

• Benjamin Franklin
• Devil’s dictionary

1. The hypocrites … love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men.
2. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the world and loses his own soul?
3. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
4. Since God knows what’s best for you, you should gratefully accept the way He has fashioned you. The Bible says, “What right have you, a human being, to cross-examine God? The pot has no right to say to the potter: ‘Why did you make me this shape?’ Surely a potter can do what he likes with the clay!”
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