care less about what others think

My mum said to me the other day that I live a chequered life. Id rather lead that life than a plain white one. In fact I want to live a multi coloured one. Ppl are a bit screwed up really, with their own bags of crap to haul around, so who TF are they to judge??

Yesterday, the same guy that I almost took my eyebrow piercing out for, told me that my calves look like mush. I broke down, mostly because I’m attracted to him, but also because I’m still uncomfortable with my body. He hasn’t really said anything nice to me since I met him, so I can definitely say that attraction is ZILCH now. But things like that are twice the pain—not only am I thinking along those lines, for someone else to think it is too much. I don’t know if I’m in a sensitive period or what, but I really need some strength, and help from God, to not give a shit what someone thinks of my calves.

Seriously. You don’t get anything by not being yourself and to worry about everything, so why am I doing so? It’s so annoying. I’m tired of to care about what others think of me. I am me and I’m not going to change so easliy anylonger. I’m going to be proud of myself and take care. Yes. Enough said.

I think I’ve accomplished this goal. I do care “less” about what others think. Especially since I’ve noticed that things I was sneered at for doing years ago (like doing things that are not considered the right type of activity for “people like us” or listening to certain types of music because “we” don’t listen to that stuff) people are starting to do themselves. Also, no matter what I do or not do, SOMEONE will have something negative to say about it. So why care? Now, unfortunately, I do still care a little about what others say, but I’ve noticed that in my actions and the information that I share with others about my interest has proven that others opinion of me really don’t bother me as it used to. I actually laugh at their reactions towards me rather than feeling like I’m shivering up from embarrassment. ALSO, I’ve looked around at the people I was so concerned about and it hit me! Why do I care what THEY think? Thank Gawd I’m not like them!! These people have nothing and are nothing I will ever aspire to be!

dance and a school uniform have worked wonderfully.
i’m more confident than i was, but i still worry what
people will think about stupid stuff, like if a pair of pants will make me look fat, or how people will react if i don’t wear make up.

it’s insane.

“To be independent of public opinion is the first formal condition of achieving anything great.” ~ G.W.F. Hegel (1770-1831)

What am I worried about?!

Starting NOW, I will no longer try to “fit in” at work. I am just going to be me… and if they find it snooty, bougie, or “stand-offish” then, so be it! Anyway, I thought I was fitting in pretty ok, but I apparently still come across as such, or so they (she) say.

I don’t update my live journal anymore because of what someone on my flist might say. I don’t have the nerve to take him off it.

i care so much that I ddn’t go to school a few times because there was “nothing to wear”