define my personal identity

Summer 2009 – In-house design job

Fall 2009 – Study Japanese, work hard in class, complete a freelance project, apply for study abroad

Spring/Summer 2010 – Study abroad in Japan

Fall 2010 – Internship

Spring 2011 – Senior Thesis/Graduation

Summer 2011 – Finish working in-house, Design Camp

Fall 2011 – in-house/art center fellowship, external design internship

Spring 2012 – internship hunting/travel

Summer 2012 – internship hunting/international design workshop

Fall 2012 – in-house/art center fellowship

Spring 2013 – Job hunting

found an article recently about left and right brain functionality.

it presents an image of a silhouette spinning in circles. depending on the direction you perceive that it is spinning determines the region of your primary brain functionality.

i invariably see it spinning clockwise (apparently i am a minority) thus i primarily use the right hemisphere of my brain. from their definition, here is a list of right brain qualities:

uses feeling
“big picture” oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can “get it” (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking

few i can agree with, big picture, imagination, future focused, philosophy, sees possibilities. yet many others i do not find apparent.

to me it seems that it is impossible to lump people into two categories base upon their perception. it is presented as if i only had one half of a brain, which is most definitely untrue. (yet how do i know? maybe nothing is there) thus we are all an amalgamation of lists and of brain function.

in the next few years this is what i want to do.

take a course in japanese over the summer.
go to japan this time next year.
graduate from undergrad.
do a series of internships around the states, europe, and japan.
go to grad school to research design technology and human interaction.
start my own business catering to freelancers.
apply my knowledge to science and education.
place my experimental design and art in an exhibition.
set off to do my own directed design, starting a personal design studio.
possibly teach.

everything i do is culminating towards this direction.

another question from said peer.

What’s the point to learning if everyone is eventually going to die?
to attempt to know ourselves.

what is known lives beyond death, as collective human knowledge. the unknown will transpire, the known will become unfounded; each development is a step closer to understanding.

do we know ourselves?
no, and we never will.

as a project, a student in a previous course, created childish fortunetellers with a series of self-investigative questions posted on their innards. i told him i would someday answer the questions and one day i would like to see if my answers change.

1. what kind of person could you fall in love with?
intelligently, genuinely, compassionately, altruistic.

2. what would it take for you life to have meaning?
other people finding value in the actions i’ve committed and objects i’ve created.

3. do you need your parents more than they need you?
we need each other more then we allow by acting like we don’t need each other.

4. aren’t religious people just as delusional as “spiritual” people?
faith in anything is irrational.

5. when is the soonest you’d agree to war?
never, yet the action often seems necessary for revolution. although, violence has yet to solve humanity’s problems and will never cease being the wrong solution.

6. would you be happier with a new ipod or with the one you have?
if i had in iphone, my life would be great. do i need it? no. do i have one? no.

7. do you know yourself?
no, and i never will.

8. whose fault is britney spears
everybody’s.

in one of my courses last semester, our professor has us write notes to ourselves, one for mid-semester, another for the end of the semester, during finals.

mid-semester:
stay focused, step back; take control of the situation.

finals:
apply gained knowledge to continued development.

i laugh when i read these; it is just like me to write some generic non-personal sentiments. yet, at the same moment, whilst chuckling, i find these statement of value.

if i succumb to the stresses of the situation, do nothing, the moment and subsequent reward is lost. thus, upon achievement, taking the accomplishments into the whole of my amalgamated knowledge, i am able to draw from and apply that which was learned to solutions in the present.

i am transferring the majority of my thing accomplishing to a new 43things account: ryan the wired

it is an attempt to separate my personal goals from my design and creative specific goals. i am also looking for a fresh start after some tough and stagnant times, with a new, and optimistic endeavor.

please take the time to follow my progress on my new account; you all have been a wonderful support thus far.

to get work done i need to:
go directly to my studio.
disable my internet connection.
start with easy tasks.
start with a fun project.

the issue for me is getting started. tasks always seem intimidating, thus leading to distraction and procrastination.

it seems that media we cherish so much, the internet, music, movies, television, radio, magazines, newspapers, even books, are merely a distraction from life, albeit an enjoyable one. they are unified strongly in one way, that we, the viewer, are simply an observer, a voyeur sitting passively as the media washes over us. it dominates us, as if we were an ignorant child, taking the place of the parent or even the teacher that is talking at you, not to you. television doesn’t give a shit what you think as long as your there to hear it pontificate.

this constant jabber is defining our thought, our culture, our identity; but who decides that? we define ourselves by the music we listen to, the movies we watch, the clothes we wear, the books we read, or don’t. look at any social networking website; all those friends, why do you choose them out of the masses of users? maybe they are just like you? possibly they are the opposite? but how do you know? based upon the quantifiable personal data that fits happily into 300px wide categories, based upon that which you consume, what consumes you.

what is the inverse of consuming? creating. but what are you creating for? for others to consume. you maintain the dominance, the power to dictate identity. it is a cycle, accept or reject, where do the other options lie?

thanks, nietzsche, marx, and benjamin.

lately i have been attempting to better understand myself; my personality, my idiosyncrasies, my decisions and have found various personality tests quite informative; the myers briggs and the enneagram in particular.

i am not a person who puts faith into fortunes, luck, blood type or celestial signs; the position of the stars has absolutely no bearing on my personality. a persons personality traits are constructed, not something bestowed; seeing development through external factors such as: family, culture, community, location and experience. the tests i took were quite revealing, insomuch as the level of comparability of the results to myself; seemingly quite accurate.

upon further investigation, my results placed my as an intp on the myers briggs scale and a type five under the enneagram. these two results relate quite accurately, essentially one and the same.

i suppose that these tests have only really revealed that which i have already known about myself, yet was previously not verbalized.

excerpts:
You want to be intelligent, informed, knowledgeable and perceptive. More importantly, you want to be self-sufficient and not have the entanglements of obligation.

Private and solitary by nature, you like to be invisible until you are ready to reveal yourself. You tend to stay on the sidelines preferring to meet the world with your mind. You prefer to play the role of detached observer or investigator.

Studious and scholarly, you develop expertise in any area that is of interest to you, often in more than one field. You believe that knowledge is power and feel it is imperative that you be as a means of survival.

Avoiding the glaring light of scrutiny, you seek the safety of camouflage. When you feel that you lack intellect, you become withdrawn, isolated and reclusive.

You avoid standing out and/or being misinterpreted. You also avoid pretentious or ostentatious displays. You may find small talk or a brainstorming session at work to be an insufferable waste of time.

It is essential for your well being that your mind is clear, your life uncluttered, and that you have the autonomy to control your time.