I consider myself to be a pretty positive person.. my friends would describe me as cheery and upbeat. Recently, though, I’ve had the problem of fearing death. During the day I don’t think about it, I even look back on the night before and think “how silly”. But when I’m in bed by myself, like you said, one wrong thought and my mind goes into panic mode. I think about the fact that no matter how healthy I am, accidents happen, crazy accidents. Death is so easy all that has to happen is your heart has to stop beating. No one thinks it could happen to them but you never know. I don’t know what to do. I told my mom and my best friend and my boyfriend and they all just sort of brush it off as nothing. They don’t realize that I’m crying myself to sleep at night sometimes in fear. What worries me most is that the onset of this fear was completely random. No death has happened in my life. In fact life is wonderful for me I love it. My thoughts and fear of death are uncontrollable. If I’m with my bf I don’t think about it at all but being alone could be the death of me (no pun intended). HELP! 2 years ago
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im 18.. 2 months ago (March 4th) my father passed away suddenly, he had pancreatic cancer. Me and my mother were prepared, or so we thought. We found out in September 2010 that he had cancer, and the doctors ruled out that he had 9-/+ months to live. After only 5 months of cancer my dad passed. He went into hospital on a Wednesday, he passed away on Friday, just two days later. It shocked me and broke my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. Ever since my dad’s passing I’ve thought about death constantly. I’m an only child so I really only have my mum left. I have no other family because we moved from europe to new zealand a few years back and all my other family are still over there. I freak out especially at night, im fine during the day when im surrounded by my boyfriend and friends, but at night everything turns horrible. I cant sleep for several hours, like right now its 2am and im wide awake, im thinking about death right now. I’ve read everyone else’s story and im glad im not the only one who feels this way. I want someone to write back to me, this is just too much for me to handle. Im scared of my mum dying, im scared of dying myself. Ever since my dad died, ive been thinking constantly that I might die sometime soon. He went away too fast, he was talking and smiling and holding me Wednesday night.. and he passed on friday. I just cant get my head around it. I haven’t told anyone about my anxiety/panic attacks, they wont understand. I came across this site and it made me somewhat good that im not the only one. I need help. Terribly ;/ im moving at the end of the year with my boyf to a big city and my mum will be all on her own, im scared that if when i go away something will happen to her. Please guys, comment back ;( I know this isn’t normal.. im shaking just writing this.. 2 years ago