have children

i got pregnant in high school, which was definatley not my plan for my life. But my husband helped me through. My son was born on March 19 2007. and while i stayed at home for about a month healing and taking care of him i got my school work once a week. and i graduated!
then when my son was around 9 months old i got pregnant again with my now 9 month old daughter.
its been difficult having 2 kids that can now run around and cause mayhem, but im happy because they are my beautiful babies and i wouldnt give them up for the world.

Our first is due on July 20. Not much longer now!

I like being so calm about this. I don’t fret, not like I used to. Nothing to be done, but might look different at the end of the year. If I really, really, want it to. Thanks to our vacation, I spent 24/7 with T. and once again realized that he really is… never know how to put this, “fond of children”? Good at communicating with mothers and fathers and their babies, toddlers, kids of any age. There’s something about him that they take to instantly. He did his jogging round last week and three Turkish kids, not even in school yet, needed someone to fill in for a game of football – fine with him. When they said goodbye, the smallest one waved and shouted, see you tomorrow! (Oh dear, sometimes I worry that somebody will beat him up.) He’s actually the same with most adults – very open, never afraid of establishing contact. Way better than me. That’s where the gushing ends and the worries set in. Because I need to overcome my inhibitions and learn how to talk to other people, now, before I have children, or I’ll be the one mother at the playground who’s too shy to talk to other parents. (Not a good example to my future kids either.) I’m lucky that I still have a bit of time left to sort myself out.

We have done things in reverse. Bought a house. Got pregnant. Now….getting married at the end of the month. :D

i think most people want kids, i want 2 or 3, hope my missus dont mind lol, as for when i dont know, not yet, but some day lol, should be fun!

I still cant stop thinking about kids lately. I saw my friend Tom (tattoo guy). He is so handsome. I tell him that and he still blushes. Its cute. I dont have the courage to ask him if he has considered donating sperm. I figured if he was ok with it or wanted to do it, he would mention it. We talk about his son, who looks and acts exactly like him. Beautiful.
Being surrounded by babies is hard, so I have been staying out of the unit unless I absolutely need to be in there. I went in the other day and ran into one of the nurses that I get along with really well. She called me over because she knows I like looking and talking to the babies. Believe it or not, a lot of these babies parents dont ever come to see them. A lot of times, the rooms are empty, maybe 1 or 2 moms who come in to breastfeed. So, when I can, I go talk to some of them. She holds up this most beautiful baby with black hair. She cannot weigh more than 4 pounds. “Tara, look at this baby. I just gave her a bath, come smell her hair”. My heart ached. I chatted with Kathy for a few minutes and I went on my merry way. Wondering how people couldnt come see their beautiful babies in the hospital. If my kid were here, Id be here a lot. Youre on maternity leave, what else are you going to do?

I feel like the whole purpose and beauty in life is children. Childhood is beautiful and to be a part of that forever is just unimaginable to me. It is probably my biggest goal.

It was funny last night when my boyfriend turned around to me in the middle of a Razorlight concert and whispered, “someone stole my baby name!”

(That someone had shown pictures of his seven-week-old son around the lab. Striped socks, apparently.)

A whole year ahead, and nothing substantial is going to happen, unless we cancel our travel plans for next year. Selfishness v. selfishness. And the career, of course. Postdoc position abroad? Question marks all over the place.

Not much to say about this right now, because it’s further down my list at the moment. But the time will be right eventually.