live without needing the approval of others

one problem with this goal is my huge problem with indecision. i once moved to a foreign country based on the advice of a magic 8-ball and left the destiny of a relationship to a coin flip. i’m not even kidding. the reason i am indecisive is because i need someone to approve my decision before it is made. i found this website today: http://thinksimplenow.com/clarity/9-steps-to-be-decisive/ and i am beginning this (don’t laugh) 9-step program in an effort to become a decisive person.
i just decided, in this second, what i am going to have for dinner tonight, what i am going to do tonight (a friday), and what i am going to make for my friend’s potluck dinner tomorrow. i owe it to myself not to go back on my decisions. let’s see what happens. i’m excited! maybe i’ll go read the first “real” book i ever read in spanish (“quien se ha llevado mi queso?” – “who moved my cheese?”), because it is a great life lesson that i feel would apply right now (and you should read it too!).

this weekend was excellently empowering.
i’m in a relationship now where there is a HUGE cultural gap, as well as a language barrier. i can’t always read his emotions or tone of voice perfectly, and he can’t always read mine perfectly, and it’s caused us more than one arguement. for that reason, every time we are going out to eat or something equally trivial, i’m always saying, “i don’t know… what are YOU in the mood for?”
we just had a long weekend in san pedro de atacama, one of my favorite places in the world. i was the one who kept pushing to go, and i knew what i wanted to do and where i wanted to go when i got there. luis told me i was supposed to decide everything. any time i asked for his opinion – where do you want to eat, do you like these pants better than those, which tour do you prefer, do you think it’s too expensive – he just smiled and shook his head. he forced me to decide everything, and you know what? i felt like a princess. i stopped worrying about his approval, because i knew he wasn’t going to give it anyway. i know he liked everything we did, and i know he’s not regretting any money spent or time spent. it was wonderful and also empowering.
i think my main challenge with this goal is applying it to my job. i’m still a pretty new teacher, and i’m fully aware that i don’t know it all. i’m pretty much the only music teacher around, in this whole region of the country anyway, that teaches a curriculum in a school (as opposed to a single instrument). i’m expected to know a whole lot and make a lot of executive decisions, and it’s really stressful sometimes. i need to remember that when i do make a decision, for example giving out a bad grade, that i always have justification for it, and i need to have the confidence to stand by my decision when a parent calls to complain.
it’s a tall order but i’m working on it, and this weekend was a spectacular jumpstart.
:)