move past old issues

god i need to work on this..

I decided to write off all the goals that are actually on-going and can’t ever be “done”. Everyone’s got some junk from their earlier life to deal with unfortunately, the point is how to live now. OK, if you are dealing with depression or whatever and need perspective, then seeing a therapist might be useful, but for most of us it’s a question of coming to terms with grief/loss and getting on with life.

I’ve been working past the issues that have haunted me since I was about 16… while some of the people responsible were still in my life. I am now in my mid twenties. It has taken a lot of depressed nights, self help books, soul searching, meds, therapy, time spent in nature, with animals, reading philosophy, reaching out, simply biting down on soul-earing depression and even, at times, turning myself over to the hospital for safe keeping.

In the last few months I have realized how far I have come. I am a young adult, no longer a child or even a teen, but I am still young. The crap in my past no longer eats at me EVERY minute of the day. Sometimes I go a day or more without thinking about my demons. I don’t drink like a fish to bury the past and I am finding and making friends, good friends, establishing myself as a secure adult in MY world.

I really feel like my life is MINE now, compared to being the long-term property of parents or others.

I am still working on self esteem and boundary issues (mostly other people not seeing or respecting MY boundaries, not the other way around), but I am so much better and rereading old diary and emails from my early days… I feel like I belong to ME now.

One of my favourite books when I was little was called “Mr. Dog” and it was Margaret Wise Brown- it was about a scruffy old dog named “Crispin’s Crispian” who owned himself. It was always my favourite book as a kid and I now know WHY.

I’ve basically moved on from my old issues. But as others said, it is a neverending thing.. I’ll always be working on this.

therapy, psychic, astrology, yoga, and aura soma therapy… now I am healed.

And, as such is something I”m eliminating from my 43t “to do” list.

Something happens and when I talked to my counselor about it, she said, “It’s a trauma trigger.” So, I have God knows how many still undetermined buttons out there for life to push. Great.

Dammit!

I’ve been working on this stuff for…oh 40 years or so… and thought I was damn near done, FINALLY. But no, “Theeere back!”
(Or more likely, they never left at all.)

Oh shit!

Sorry. Sometimes I get tired of fighting all the time. But, I suppose if I was going to let myself get terminally depressed or go insane or become a druggie or whatever, I should have done it a long time ago. Now, my life is my life’s work, and I’m not gonna quit. But sometimes, I’d like to just be braindead and happy…or something.

Ah well, I’ll get over it. I always do. Back to the trenches.

Always. It isn’t easy, but it IS worth doing!

“issues”. ha!

I went to see a therapist at work, and she referred me to a couple of people. I’m kind of scared about starting this project, but I think it will be worth it.