Feel like I'm beautiful.

I have a bikini. I aw myself in it and I didn’t think I looked horrible. It was a real breakthough. I don’t think I”m beautiful yet, but I’m getting closer. I’m coming to terms with my body and I’m spending more time to do things that I want to and making myself look how I want to. One step at a time, and I’m not giving up.

I’ve been married for nearly two years. At first my husband made me feel pretty the way he acted, but in the last few months he’s made me feel like a blob. I’m not terribly overweight and he always said that I wasn’t fat or ugly, but he never acted like I was beautiful. He never touched me and it always seemed like he tollerated me and my body instead of loving it.

It’s very painful…. I have so little self esteem and self confidence because of him. I want to get that back, but I’m not quite sure how. I plan on losing some weight, but he just keeps pushing me closer and closer to the edge through what he’s been saying to me lately… I suppose we’ll see what happens, if he doesn’t push me over the edge…

I just don’t feel beautiful. I have no self-confidence. I’m surrounded by guy friends saying things like “she’s mad hot” about other girls and it makes me sad because I wish someone said that about me.