Softness
I always had an issue with my appearance, especially when someone would say I look frail or doe-like. I wanted to look independent and strong and powerful. Looking delicate and soft was not in the dictionary of allowed impressions.
It took me a while….
...a long while to even start contemplating what this softness really means to me. What does it make me BE? Is it necessary to connect it to WEAK or SUBMISSIVE (as was my first impression)?
Recently answers to these questions started to show up…one by one. To those that are interested you can look at my exploration on this subject in my Aphrodite project on either my blog or my Flickr page. To others I’m going to cut a long story short by saying that today the idea of softness makes me think of flowers and their own beautiful frailness that nobody seems to mind (quite the contrary). It makes me think that, maybe…just maybe …..softness is not a weakness. It, like the flowers, could be a gift.
For that reason I can proudly put this into my treasure chest now. I feel it as a full part of me. I am even joyous. Who would of known. :-) 3 years ago
“My heart is a Ferrari”
I’ve been told once that my heart is like a Ferrari that I choose to keep in the garage – valuable/big/beautiful but hidden.
During the past year I’ve begun to tackle the garage syndrome and drive it out every once in a while. The beginning was very nerve wrecking – showing the gentle side, revealing and sharing the emotions with others,..., – but as time passed by it started to be less uncomfortable and more freeing. I can add with certainty now, that every experience becomes exponentially intensified when you consciously involve the heart in it. I’ve been overflown and exhilarated and irritated and angered and saddened to the extreme these past months- and it felt really good!!! 3 years ago
“I can have FEAR clawing at my back yet I will still walk my walk till I get to my goal.”
Every morning when I wake up I feel like this : terrified and yet resolved. An interesting combination though not very comfortable. Nevertheless it shows me that I’m certainly not a conformist: I’m the doer, the risk taker, the challenger, ..... and with no doubt in my mind, I’m a WINNER too – despite my fear. :) 3 years ago
“I can never do a half ass job”
which sometimes presents a real problem to me since perfectionism sometimes doesn’t work well will reality. But nevertheless I always try to give the best I can in each situation so my heart feels clean. 3 years ago
“I am perceptive.”
Things rarely escape my eye. I think of all situations as an intricate web of little clues, and signs, and gestures, and emotions unsaid…I find it interesting to see how they all relate and develop and sometimes, after a while, shine through. :) 3 years ago
“I somehow always seem to show people the way”
I don’t have the strength or power to lead but I sure pose as a sign towards a paved way. I’ve been told that more than once : “If you hadn’t told me there’s ….”, “If I didn’t know what you told me about …”, “I never knew there’s such a thing before you told me….” (and so forth)
Along with my enthusiasm this really makes a nice pair. 3 years ago
“I can recognize a good heart”
I have never been fooled with this. No matter how skillful the actor is I always see through the charade.
Recognizing who’s really good and who’s just pretending to be good seems to cause a lot of problems to others because I see people around me struggling with it for months at a time getting fooled and hurt again an again by their performances.
I know within the first 10-30 seconds of an introduction what a persons heart is like and I’m glad I can call this my gem because it saves me months and months of time and even more unnecessary pain. 3 years ago
“I can keep a secret and know the difference between private and public.”3 years ago
“I like how the light dances on my neck”
Not much explanation needed for this one I think.
I just happened to see it in a window reflexion yesterday and liked how the sun rays jumped from the ins and the outs of my neck line. Especially when I breath deeper and my throat makes the little gurgling sound…the light catches on the game and joins. It’s cool…funny…sweet. 3 years ago
“I am a pilgrim with the quest”
I walk around in my drab robes and dusty shoes with long hair weaved by ages of search (none visible to others, luckily…lol) and I look and examine, and turn stones, and get lost, and despair, and find my way, and search some more, and wonder, and enjoy, and sing, and dance, and love the way everything – around me/in me – is.
Bread crumb after bread crumb I follow my way home. 3 years ago
“I believe that in their core all people are good”
I’ve been called naive because of it but I refuse to loose this conviction.
I believe we’re all good inside. You only need to look at babies to understand why I think this. No baby I ever saw was evil. Therefore when we are born we are all the same…. that is, in our core, we are good.
The trouble is….and this is what changed us, divided us, made that gap…is that some people decided to do bad things. Some people decided to do some really really bad things…and that makes it all the harder for us to see them as who they were when they came here. With their choices they turned themselves bad but that core is still there no matter how microscopic or irrelevant or abused by them it is. 3 years ago
“I will help a blind person across the street”
I actually did that more than once.
The funny fact is, most people around in those situations just stood there and did nothing. It’s that stupid rule : the more people is present the longer it takes them to react. Something about thinking that the other person will do something before they even try…therefore postponing the reaction by a good number of seconds/minutes.
I somehow always ended up being amongst the ones that DID without looking around or thinking “what ifs”. 3 years ago
“Being calm and composed when things develop in a way I do not wish, grow into what I do not want, when path is obscured or invisible.”
That is what I wish for to be. 3 years ago
Lines like this :
“I kind of thought that to be alive in a world where every single moment of every single day birds fly, dolphins twirl, flowers bloom, snow falls, waves wave, rainbows rise, and antelopes… do whatever antelopes do, would forever silence doubters, inspire dreamers, and fill one’s soul with absolute rapture.”
get to me. Call me corny or call it a cliche but it works and I like it. :) 3 years ago
“Maybe Paris in winter would inspire another song”
(~Gotan Project)
Melancholy and nostalgia. I don’t know why I like those emotions so much. I consider myself a positive and cheerful person but there’s something rich in color and deep in sentiment when it comes to these two. And sometimes I just like to bathe in their energy. :) 3 years ago
“The vassal of your vassal is not your vassal.”
I don’t expect you to understand this line or it to have any meaning for you. For me though it’s the one sentence I remember from my history class in high school. That was around 15 years ago. Give or take. And I still remember it. Vividly. With details and everything. I hear the tone of my teachers voice as she was saying it (great teacher, by the way). I know what time of day it was. I remember the lighting in the room. And what kind of clothes she wore. I don’t know why is this particular sentence the one that I still remember. It is nothing special. I has no connotations for me. I don’t know how I managed to remember it so well but I did. My memory can obviously be quite amazing….I wish it was under my terms though…but eventually I hope I’ll get there… :) 3 years ago
“Can you stand the stare?”
I have become aware of the power of my eyes. Never really noticed what effect they have on other people till yesterday when I took a self portrait with my camera.
And, suddenly , it all clicked…..
Now I understand why kids I tutor squirm on their chairs when they come without their homework done or why no one tries to cut before me in a line. The way I stare them down is something no one would like to go through twice.
My anger is more than visible….it’s piercing.
But, also, I understand why I can get people comfortable and relaxed in my company and how perfect strangers smile back at me on the street.
When my eyes are mellow they wrap others with such care it’s pacifying and relaxing and releasing …. it brings the nice side of them to the surface.
Wow, the power of eyes. That’s a nice gem. 3 years ago
“Excellent Watson”
OMG…if there ever was a puzzles/detective stories/mysteries(preferably unsolved) fan, it is ME. If my brain can have a go at crunching the facts down to fine dust of dissolution and logical understanding, I can stay blissfully occupied for hours at a time. (Yet again URU-Ages beyond the Myst is a speck on my perfect record…I just didn’t have that much patience with that game.) 3 years ago
“I strive to live a passionate life”
I never was a conformist. Never was happy with a 9 to 5 job (tried it, didn’t work). Never felt good just doing stuff. I need to be DOING them… living them, enjoying them, talking about them when work hours are over, inspiring with them, connecting with them, moving with them,...
It’s a tough task…
It’s in process…
But I’m giving it my best… 3 years ago
“I can see myself in a galaxy far, far away….”
My imagination, unlike my body, has no limitations. It creates worlds I immensely enjoy, it pictures the best solution for everyday problems, it gets me laughing, crying, thinking, even scratching my head,... , it’s a faithful friend, it’s sudden and unexpected yet tranquil and soothing, it makes me feel alive…. 3 years ago
“Since the age of 10 I haven’t been bored for even a day.”
When I was little I used to go around the house and ask everyone:
“Tell me what to do?”
“Tell me what to do?”
“Tell me what to do?”
.....
- go read a book….”Nooooo”
- go outside and play….”Nooooo”
- go draw me a flower….”Nooooo”
- go make a house out of LEGO’s ….”Noooooo”
- !”##$&x%x%$#”
- go ask mom what to do….”Noooo”
- LEAVE ME ALONE….usually one of the last replies I’d get. :)
Luckily for the members of my family those days have passed long ago and they all can relax. :) 3 years ago
“I’m not interested in the shallow stuff (conversations, items, people,....).”
I pay a price for it because it can get pretty lonely sometimes. Rewards are less in number but great in quality , though …so I keep pushing this one on. :) 3 years ago
“When I need it, I ask for help”3 years ago
“My enthusiasm is contagious to all around me.”
I think I emit some sort of weird invisible energy that gets people moving and doing, if not the same thing as I do then the next closest….lol
As you might already know (from one of my other goals from the list), I’ve taken up photographing again. It’s been , what, 3 weeks now ….maybe more…. that I’ve been back to one of my favorite hobbies. I’ve been out almost every day, be it sun or rain, taking photos, getting people to model for me…enjoying the experience. On one such day I run into a neighbor of mine that lives across the street. When he saw me, with my camera pointed towards a bush of lavender we have in between our two buildings, we started talking and – it turns out he’s a keen fan too. He just hasn’t been giving it much attention for a long time.
Now,
who do you think I saw today prancing around with his little camera?
Yup, the neighbor guy.
We greeted each other with a respectful nod and continued shooting around.
:)
This is just one of the most recent events, all through my life I collected quite a lot of anecdotes like that.
I find it pretty cool. Yayyyy :) 3 years ago
“I love to cook and am really good at it.”
I’m one of those people that can come up with a recipe, with 3-4 basic ingredients, in a spur of a moment bursts of creativity. Never thought it was unusual until I saw how many people struggle with it. 3 years ago
“I never give up.”
Except when played URU- Ages Beyond Myst: had to cheat my way up some levels. :( 3 years ago
“I know how to make people feel comfortable.”3 years ago
“I ask questions. I wait in amazement.”3 years ago
“I dream big.”
My desires can sometimes be ages before my circumstances, but they act like a fuel that eventually gets me where I want to be. 3 years ago
