get to know my family better

As a kid my parents fought openly, and my mom treated me like a friend and told me much about what was wrong in their relationship.
In 10th grade my dad moved out of state for work, and in 11th grade my parents split up for a time. When they got back together, I had a boyfriend and since their separation had been rocky, I wanted as little to do with them as possible. I went off to college, and my parents and sister seemed to reform their own little family, minus me. I was even told my parents’ problems started when I was born. At the same time I was going through a spiritual crisis resulting from some of the same things.
I discovered that sometimes my mom can be a very controlling person, and that is difficult to deal with because I see her as a friend. I don’t see my dad as a friend, even though I know I take after him in temperament.
My parents are not close to their families and never really have been (my dad is sometimes but not consistently).
My ex boyfriend’s family was superclose and instead of seeing it as a good thing, I was jealous but instead of thinking “I want that for myself” I thought “You’re stupid for having it.”...to some extent I still think that family was unhealthy for being so close, but at least they WERE close!
I really want to get to know my family better, to get to know them as people. I think they might be alright people if I can separate myself from the past. What’s past is past, right?

i havent been alone (relationship wise) in a long time. i usually have my bf with me at family functions. but he’s got football this weekend so he cant come. i was disappointed at first but now i’m kinda glad because that gives me more time with my family. they’re awesome people and i really wish i knew more about them or at least shared some sort of bond with them.

it’s just good to know where you come from and wha’s in your past! The only people that can truely help you find yourself…are the ones who know your past!

I’ve come to realize, the people I know the least are the very people I’ve known the longest. It’s quite depressing to realize that you don’t know your family very well, and they don’t know you very well. I mean, damn. I hate family time just as much as the next arrogant teenager. But I would love to get to know my family, or atleast a few family members, on a deeper level. Not just the basics. You know? Make them my friends. As well as my relatives. Make them the people I know I could always run to with my problems, sorrows, joys, dreams, struggles. Everything. I just want to learn to love everything about the people I care most about.

I visited my parents last night because they just came back from a holiday and it struck me that we talk about things, about what we do, what we saw, what we are going to do…and whilst I love them tremendously and I know they love me I wish that I knew how to really get to know them…Is is difficult because there are so many things we cant tell them for fear of shattering the illusions they hold of us? Is it to protect them from feeling with you a sadness that will pass quickly for you but will linger far longer with them? Is it because of the ultimate risk that they may not love you if they really really knew who you are? Is it because the person I have become is so different to them although at the same time so similar? I know I am terrified that one day soon I am going to get that call that something has happened to them and I am not going to ever get an opportunity to share me with them or really get to know them again…