that my ex is facing 9 years. I don’t want that to happen. He’s got a kid! But my problem is, if I drop the case, and he comes after ME again, I’ve got no recourse. I’ve gotta leave this situation in God’s hands, I know, but that’s hard, because whatever I was (or was not) to him, I know that at one point, I really did (do) love him. I don’t want to see him hurt. On the other hand, I cannot continue to allow him to hurt ME. I wish he meant it when he said he would leave me alone. History does not lie. Facts don’t lie. And I’m not all THAT convinced that people change. Sure, I could probably be willing to bet that fear of going back to prison might stop him, but it never stopped him before. I just wish that I could rewind time. I’ve have stayed away the last time. I feel that if I hadn’t have called myself “giving him the benefit of doubt” and trying to give our relationship another chance the last time we went through sometihng like this, he wouldn’t be behind bars today. I didn’t ask for any of this. I don’t WANT him to have to go to prison for 9 years! I just want him to leave ME alone, and go on with using and abusing the next woman. No. I don’t really want another woman to be hurt either. I just wish he’s get his shit together and act like he’s almost 40 years old, which is too damned old to be cheating on and then beating up women. 4 years ago

my STB ex hubby’s lawyer (public defender) has called my office asking (begging really), if my ex agrees to leave me alone, will I drop the stalking charges and let him out. For the first time since he was removed from the home, I acually almost considered it. ALMOST. And then I remembered. “Hell to da no!” The only reason I (barely) sleep at night is because he’s behind bars. The man’s got issues, and I cannot afford to go back to being afraid. He had the chance to leave me alone, before AND after the Court got involved, and AGAIN, before he went to jail. I begged him to please just leave me alone and get on with whatever he’s trying to do, and he refused. And then the thought hit me (at least these days, the only thing hitting me IS a thought or two here or there, and not HIM): He’s gonna be worse when he gets out than he was before he went in! His sister took the truck, and then got it reposessed, he’s got no job, and nowhere to live. If they let him out of jail, now, he’ll really make my life hell, and I still have no family or friends here. I’ll consider letting him out once I’m LONG gone, like after the final hearing in our divorce, and I’ve changed my name back and gone home to Florida. But it’s not gonna happen before that, not as long as I’m in the same city. No. I’m stronger (AND smarter) than that. 4 years ago

I thought this goal was pertaining to my disaster of a marriage. HA! A flaw in character, is exactly that; it flows into every area of your life. Specifically, it appears that my job has now taken the place of my marriage as my proverbial “cross to bear”. I have been accepting the unacceptable for so long, that I almost feel bad about having thoughts of leaving. I’ll admit, it’s pretty liberating to flex my emotional muscles, as I look around and say “Oh, no. I’m not doing this”, or”I don’t have to take that”. I feel better, I stress less (I lost 10 pounds!), and I even sleep better. That being said, I think I’ll keep this goal on my list for a while longer, as I’d like, in the future, to be able to be strong going into a situation, instead of being wronged and then correcting it. 4 years ago

he didn’t show because he’s incarcerated for Aggravated Stalking, both in the county where I live and where I work. That didn’t make it any easier. I think it made it harder, knowing that he’s behind bars becaue he refused to leave me alone. I’m still struggling with the fact that he decided to take it there. But it WAS his decision, and I thank God for keeping me strong in this. 4 years ago