Keep being a good mom even when I'd like to run & hide...

The weekend trust exercise went fine, but we’ve been back for less than 24 hours and already DD#1 and I are yelling at each other. :(

DD#1 has a brand spanking new driver’s license. We’re leaving them at home for the weekend. Let’s hope the trust isn’t misplaced.

Despite DD#1 having discovered wild parties and DD#2 entering High School, the lines of communication are still open. I think that’s a good sign.

and for me. She’s really sick & it’s hard when she’s so far away. Not much I can do except be here for moral support. Not quite the same thing as being able to take her a bowl of chicken soup. Thankfully, her friends are doing that so I don’t have to worry too much.

I went over to sis’s apartment today with a birthday cake & an armload of presents. It was a surprise, and I expected her to be thrilled, but when I got there she was kind of a mess. She’d been crying & missing mom for most of the day, and the staff said she had horrible nightmares last night.

Next week, it’ll be the two year anniversary of mom’s death. I think that in her brain, sis is somehow connecting her birthday to mom’s death.

I can’t imagine how hard grief must be for her, with her limited cognitive skills. It’s hard to know when talking about mom helps or hurts her, and I can’t really trust her to regulate her own emotions because she can’t. We’re getting professional help, supposedly with a doctor who works with MR patients, but that doesn’t really seem to be helping much.

She was feeling better when I left, smiling & looking forward to seeing me over the weekend, but still – it was heartbreaking. It’s times like this that I wish I could just wave my magic wand & give her some of my “intelligence.”

But then there are other times I’d like to wave that wand & give me some of her ability to accept people & circumstances for what they are.

I guess we need each other.

got messed up in Iraq. He left a nice, well-balanced young man & came back a bit off. She’s been through the ringer, broken up with him, and still managed to earn straight A’s in her first semester of grad school.

I’ve been worried about her in the past, but I’m encouraged that she’s been strong through all of it.

Apparently, DD#2 made some comment about alcohol and a teacher overheard her. She was reported to the guidance counselor who pulled her in for a talking to. She asked to call me from the office, and the counselor wouldn’t leave the room to let her talk to me, so things got a bit weird. Apparently she thought I’d yell at the administrator, but I was busy trying to make sure the woman wouldn’t freak out at DD.

Most likely the comment was something like “You’re too uptight J___, you should just get drunk like I do”. That would be typical of her humor. Scooter and I told her she was stupid for making comments along those lines in front of teachers.

(Yes, I am ABSOULTELY sure she doesn’t drink. She has her vices, but at this point they don’t include alcohol or drugs).

Also learned who the current boy is – he’s not ‘allowed’ to date, so she’s mentioned that she liked him but didn’t tell me his name. Dating, AFAICT, means claiming they ‘go together’ and talking at lunch.

I’ve known the boy vaguely since she was in elementary school. He’s a nice kid. I’ve done some school volunteer work with his mom, who is nice but has her quirks. It doesn’t surprise me to learn he’s ‘not allowed to’, but I doubt it will work well for her.

DD#1 has been doing very well with the learner’s permit, even Scooter admits she’s going to be a competent driver. She’s also started her first ‘real’ part time job. She got put on cash register the first day on the job, which should be surprising but it isn’t (it’s a neighborhood business, the owner knows me and is also that sort of a guy, he’d probably put her on cash register even if she weren’t amazing and remarkable and responsible)...

Not going too bad.

After an incredibly tough couple of months, she seems to have realized that taking care of herself should be at the very TOP of her priorities list. She’s started taking an aerobic dance class at her gym & seems to have rid herself of a couple of major energy-sappers…

She doesn’t feel much like talking about what’s going on, so text messages have been a real sanity saver for me. I can text her with a quick message about something random like a new pair of flip flops & know that she’s doing ok when she answers. It also lets her know that I’m there & willing to hop in the car at a moment’s notice if she wants my help…

Meanwhile, in spite of the drama, she took her GRE today & got a higher score than she needed for the grad school she’s attending. I was very proud, plus getting past the GRE took a load of stress off, I’m sure!

Yesterday, DD#2 confessed to me that she had forged a note for a fellow student. Apparently he got caught, and was being punished, and would not tell the school who wrote the note. DD told him to ‘rat her out’, then gave me a heads up on what was happening….

I told her that this time I would NOT back her up if she got into trouble, because she was clearly in the wrong. OTOH, I also told her that if the school did call about it all I would do is ‘yell at her’ a bit. I think ‘fessing up is worth a lot, and isn’t to be discouraged.

DD#1 just texted to tell me that the PBJ I packed for her lunch was yummy.