Refocus my psychic eye

If you think about someone hard enough are they then forced to think about you back? Of all the mysteries in life this is the one I wish I could solve. I think it is a beautiful sentiment in itself. I also think that sometimes I think about someone and I don’t know why I’m thinking about them and then they randomly get in touch and I wonder whether I summoned them or they summoned me. Did their thinking about me make me think about them or vice versa? If it is true then does that mean that there is no such thing as unrequited love? It would be an inexpressable comfort to me to think that all those hours of heartache for lovers who have jilted me have not been in vain, that they too were feeling my pain by some sort of emotional osmosis.
If you think about someone often enough and they have to think about you back then where do the thoughts we have about people who wave died go? Into everything? Into nothing?

I think most of us like to try and make sense of the randomness of the world by interpreting the things that happen to us as having some sort of higher meaning. Is it fate or is it just good and bad luck? What is luck? Do you deserve good luck or bad luck and how do you avoid it? You can’t really can you. I once considered embarking on a musical venture with a friend a few years ago, we were debating how successful it would be and what we could do to make it more successful. He said “Yeah, but we need to factor in good luck.” To which I replied “Well, if we factor in having good luck then we need to factor in bad luck and so the two probably cancel each other out.” Do we make our own luck and is good luck the same as karma? People who believe that they are unlucky usually are unlucky, but they probably aren’t any less unlucky than someone who considers themselves to be lucky. It’s just that once we form a belief about ourselves we attach much more significance to the evidence that confirms this.
So, what about “signs”. I do believe strongly in signs, like dreams, coincidences, unusual things and feelings and I tend to follow them. Is it that I think these signs are significant because I look for the evidence to confirm that the sign does point to something deeper. Is this a harmless thing to do? is it helpful? Does it make me stress less about the unknown as I feel like I’m being given pointers as to what to do next. Does it impede me, do I hold myself back from doing some things because I believe that the “signs are bad”?
One thing that always sticks in my mind is that when I was about 14 I was feeling very unhappy, I was being bullied, I was confused about what I wanted to do, who I was, all the usual teenage angst, plus my mum was pretty ill at the time. I rememeber one morning seriously contemplating ending it all, I even measured out the pills. Then my Dad hurried me up in the bathroom and I thought, I’ll do it later, after school. We had a really unusual assembly at school, quite out of the blue. A travelling friar had come to visit (I know, but grew up in a part of the UK near to a place to where people go on pilgrimages). He seemed to look directly at me during his talk and he said “Life is for living, time is to find your answers.” It’s been something that I’ve always lived by. I try to live my life as happily, fully and open-mindedly as possible and he was right. I live my life and in time the answers to the questions have come to me. Which is kind of like having faith I suppose and faith is something I’ve always thought eluded me. Maybe this is a sign? I don’t know why I started writing this but I’ve just realised, through writing it, that I do have a kind of faith afterall.

I’m glad I did this and I plan to continue. Lets just say, there’s going to be some pretty cool stuff happening for the people around me in the next few years and I’m looking forward to being around when it does. Now, back to my crystal balls.

Last night it took me a good half hour to find my Tarot cards, this is because I haven’t touched them in about 9 months. I was looking for them because Paperfaerie had asked me to come over and do a reading for her. There used to be a time when I’d read them every few weeks. Whether you believe in all that spiritual stuff or not is up to you, however I think they can be quite useful as a way of getting a fresh perspective on matters that are troubling you. As the reading is in someways objective no matter how you chose to interpret the cards, it can encourage you to consider old problems in new ways. I feel like I want to get in touch with this side of my psyche again.